這些跡象表明你們需要去做夫妻治療
You're not feeling much love
你感覺不到那麼多愛Extravagant date nights, weddings, and splashy grand gestures are lovely. But couples know that small intimacies are relationship superglue. Hugs, eye contact, listening to your partner's stories, and tiny acts of kindness help couples feel connected, and connected couples express their love by continuing to do these things, says Ross.
奢華的約會之夜、婚禮和惹人注目的儀式都很惹人愛。但夫妻知道細微的親密舉動是戀情的超強力膠水。擁抱、眼神接觸、傾聽另一半的訴說以及善良的小舉動都能使夫妻心有靈犀，而不斷的做這些事情可以幫助他們表達對彼此的愛，羅斯說道。But when your internal perception of your partner changes, often these intimate moves are the first to go. So consider if your thoughts about your significant other are positive overall-or a laundry list of irritants. There's a halo effect around our loved ones, says Dr. Saltz, that lets what's wonderful about your partner shine brighter than their faults. When that halo dims, you're less likely to invest in those little spats and bickering might take their place. Therapy can help you want to do them again.
但當你對另一半的內在感知發生變化時，這些親密行爲往往是第一件要做的事。所以如果你對另一半的看法總體上是積極的--或者列了很多他討人厭的地方。愛情中存在光環效應，Saltz博士說道，所以你覺得愛人身上的優點遠大於其缺點。當光環漸漸淡去，你就不太可能花時間精力做一些有儀式感的事情了，爭吵漸漸取而代之。治療可幫助你重拾親密關係。
You're not communicating well
你們溝通不暢Ideally, couples would start therapy when talking to each other grows challenging, negative, or one-sided, says Dr. Saltz. "I wish people would come in more with communication issues," she explains. "In actuality, not many people do that." And yet communication is often at the root of couples' conflicts-often, one person just doesn't feel heard, says Ross, who notes that this frequently occurs because one person tries to problem-solve instead of listen.
理想狀態下，當夫妻雙方發現談話時另一方對自己持質疑、消極或一邊倒的態度時，就應該進行夫妻治療了，Saltz博士說道。"我希望做治療的夫妻能更多的談論溝通問題，"她解釋道。"事實上，很多人都不這麼做。"但溝通通常是夫妻衝突的根源--通常情況下，一方總感覺另一方不聽自己說話，羅斯說道。羅斯還指出，因爲一方總是試圖解決問題而不是傾聽問題，所以纔會經常出現溝通不暢的情況。Ross explains some of the rules therapists share with couples: Avoid "you" statements, and speak from the "I" instead; stay away from the words "always" and "never"; don't generalize. Try applying these guidelines on your own, but know that smooth communication is not easy, and sometimes, a neutral party can help. "Couples therapy helps people feel heard. It provides tools for communicating and asking for what you need," says Ross.
羅斯解釋了治療師給夫妻們分享的規則：避免以"你"開頭，相反，你可以用"我"開頭；不要說"永遠"和"從不"；不要把事情一般化。試着自行運用這些指導原則，但也要知道順暢的溝通並不容易，有時候，有個中立方作爲調解也很重要。"夫妻治療可以幫助人們，讓他們覺得自己的心聲得到了傾聽。它提供了溝通的工具，也讓他人知道你想要什麼，"羅斯說道。One partner had a physical or emotional affair
一方精神出軌或肉體出軌Texting daily with a coworker, chatting up that cute barista, or getting alerts for every post your ex makes on social media may seem like harmless behaviors. But it can be easy for these small flirtations to transform into inappropriate emotional intimacy-or become physical.
每天與同事發短信、與帥氣的咖啡師撩騷、或者收到前任社交媒體狀態的每一條提示，這些行爲看似無害。但這些調情可能會轉變爲不恰當的情感親密--甚至演變成肉體親密。
