狄更斯雙語小說:《董貝父子》第38章Part1

The forlorn Miss Tox, abandoned by her friend Louisa Chick, and bereft of Mr Dombey's countenance - for no delicate pair of wedding cards, united by a silver thread, graced the chimney-glass in Princess's Place, or the harpsichord, or any of those little posts of display which Lucretia reserved for holiday occupation - became depressed in her spirits, and suffered much from melancholy. For a time the Bird Waltz was unheard in Princess's Place, the plants were neglected, and dust collected on the miniature of Miss Tox's ancestor with the powdered head and pigtail.
Miss Tox, however, was not of an age or of a disposition long to abandon herself to unavailing regrets. Only two notes of the harpsichord were dumb from disuse when the Bird Waltz again warbled and trilled in the crooked drawing-room: only one slip of geranium fell a victim to imperfect nursing, before she was gardening at her green baskets again, regularly every morning; the powdered-headed ancestor had not been under a cloud for more than six weeks, when Miss Tox breathed on his benignant visage, and polished him up with a piece of wash-leather.
Still, Miss Tox was lonely, and at a loss. Her attachments, however ludicrously shown, were real and strong; and she was, as she expressed it, 'deeply hurt by the unmerited contumely she had met with from Louisa.' But there was no such thing as anger in Miss Tox's composition. If she had ambled on through life, in her soft spoken way, without any opinions, she had, at least, got so far without any harsh passions. The mere sight of Louisa Chick in the street one day, at a considerable distance, so overpowered her milky nature, that she was fain to seek immediate refuge in a pastrycook's, and there, in a musty little back room usually devoted to the consumption of soups, and pervaded by an ox-tail atmosphere, relieve her feelings by weeping plentifully.
Against Mr Dombey Miss Tox hardly felt that she had any reason of complaint. Her sense of that gentleman's magnificence was such, that once removed from him, she felt as if her distance always had been immeasurable, and as if he had greatly condescended in tolerating her at all. No wife could be too handsome or too stately for him, according to Miss Tox's sincere opinion. It was perfectly natural that in looking for one, he should look high. Miss Tox with tears laid down this proposition, and fully admitted it, twenty times a day. She never recalled the lofty manner in which Mr Dombey had made her subservient to his convenience and caprices, and had graciously permitted her to be one of the nurses of his little son. She only thought, in her own words, 'that she had passed a great many happy hours in that house, which she must ever remember with gratification, and that she could never cease to regard Mr Dombey as one of the most impressive and dignified of men.'

可憐的托克斯小姐被她的朋友路易莎?奇克拋棄，又被剝奪了見到董貝先生容顏的幸福，變得意氣消沉，鬱鬱不樂（因爲她沒有收到用一根銀線連結在一起的一對精緻的結婚請貼，不能用它來裝飾公主廣場壁爐上的鏡子或大鍵琴，也不能用它來點綴那些盧克麗霞留着在假日陳列裝飾品的小板框）。有一段時候，公主廣場聽不到鳥兒圓舞曲了，花卉沒有人去照料了，托克斯小姐那位頭髮上撒粉和留着辮子的祖先的小畫像上積滿了灰塵。
可是，不論就年齡來說，還是就性情來說，托克斯小姐都不是會長久沉陷在無益的悔恨之中的人。當鳥兒圓舞曲在形狀彎曲的客廳裏重新發出顫音，彈響起來的時候，大鍵琴上只有兩個鍵由於長久沒有使用，發不出來了；在她每天早上重新定時地在綠色的籃子前面料理花卉之前，只有天竺葵的一個幼枝成了護理不善的犧牲品；那位頭上撒粉的祖先在塵埃的覆蓋下沒有超過六個星期，托克斯小姐就對着他仁慈的臉孔哈氣，並用一塊麂皮把他擦得明明亮亮的了。
然而，托克斯小姐仍然感到孤單寂寞，不知如何是好。她愛慕董貝先生的感情，不管多麼可笑地暴露出來，卻是真實和強烈的；正像她自己所說的，她已”被路易莎的侮辱深深地傷害了，而這種侮辱是她不應當受到的”。不過托克斯小姐的性格是不知道發怒的。如果說她曾經柔語輕聲、唯唯諾諾地走過了她的生活道路的話，那麼至少她直到現在還沒有發過脾氣。有一天她在街道上，隔着相當遠的距離，只是看到了路易莎一眼，她那柔弱的性格就支架不住，不得不立即拐到一家糕餅店裏去躲避；店裏有一間黴臭的小後房，通常是用來喝湯的，房間裏充滿了牛尾巴的氣味；她在那裏掉了不少眼淚來排遣她悲傷的感情。
對於董貝先生，托克斯小姐並不感到她有任何理由好抱怨的。這位上等人物的崇高的身份在她的心目中達到了這樣的程度：當她一旦被迫離開了他，她就覺得彷彿她和他之間的距離一直是大得無法計量的，彷彿他過去是極爲寬宏大量，才容忍她到他那裏去的。托克斯小姐真心實意地相信，沒有什麼人當他的妻子會是太漂亮或是太華貴的。他既然有意物色一位妻子，那麼十分自然，他的眼界就應當是高的。托克斯小姐流着眼淚得出了這個正確的結論，一天承認它二十次。她從來沒有回想起，董貝先生曾經以一種傲慢的態度，利用她爲他自己的利益和任性服務，並且寬大地允許她成爲他小兒子的保姆當中的一位。用她自己的話來說，她只是想到”她在那個公館中度過了許許多多幸福的時光，她應當永遠感激地銘記在心；她永遠也不會改變地認爲，董貝先生是最令人難忘的最高貴的人物當中的一位。”。