狄更斯雙語小說:《董貝父子》第43章Part1

Florence, long since awakened from her dream, mournfully observed the estrangement between her father and Edith, and saw it widen more and more, and knew that there was greater bitterness between them every day. Each day's added knowledge deepened the shade upon her love and hope, roused up the old sorrow that had slumbered for a little time, and made it even heavier to bear than it had been before.
It had been hard - how hard may none but Florence ever know! - to have the natural affection of a true and earnest nature turned to agony; and slight, or stern repulse, substituted for the tenderest protection and the dearest care. It had been hard to feel in her deep heart what she had felt, and never know the happiness of one touch of response. But it was much more hard to be compelled to doubt either her father or Edith, so affectionate and dear to her, and to think of her love for each of them, by turns, with fear, distrust, and wonder.
Yet Florence now began to do so; and the doing of it was a task imposed upon her by the very purity of her soul, as one she could not fly from. She saw her father cold and obdurate to Edith, as to her; hard, inflexible, unyielding. Could it be, she asked herself with starting tears, that her own dear mother had been made unhappy by such treatment, and had pined away and died? Then she would think how proud and stately Edith was to everyone but her, with what disdain she treated him, how distantly she kept apart from him, and what she had said on the night when they came home; and quickly it would come on Florence, almost as a crime, that she loved one who was set in opposition to her father, and that her father knowing of it, must think of her in his solitary room as the unnatural child who added this wrong to the old fault, so much wept for, of never having won his fatherly affection from her birth. The next kind word from Edith, the next kind glance, would shake these thoughts again, and make them seem like black ingratitude; for who but she had cheered the drooping heart of Florence, so lonely and so hurt, and been its best of comforters! Thus, with her gentle nature yearning to them both, feeling for the misery of both, and whispering doubts of her own duty to both, Florence in her wider and expanded love, and by the side of Edith, endured more than when she had hoarded up her undivided secret in the mournful house, and her beautiful Mama had never dawned upon it.
One exquisite unhappiness that would have far outweighed this, Florence was spared. She never had the least suspicion that Edith by her tenderness for her widened the separation from her father, or gave him new cause of dislike. If Florence had conceived the possIbility of such an effect being wrought by such a cause, what grief she would have felt, what sacrifice she would have tried to make, poor loving girl, how fast and sure her quiet passage might have been beneath it to the presence of that higher Father who does not reject his children's love, or spurn their tried and broken hearts, Heaven knows! But it was otherwise, and that was well.

弗洛倫斯早就從迷夢中清醒過來，傷心地注視着她父親和伊迪絲之間的疏遠，看到他們之間的鴻溝愈來愈寬闊；並知道他們之間的痛苦逐日加深。每天增添的瞭解，加深了籠罩在她的愛與希望之上的陰影，並喚醒了入睡不久的舊日的悲哀，使它甚至比過去更爲沉重了。
真誠的、懇切的、出乎天性的親情變成了痛苦，冷淡的忽視或嚴厲的拒絕代替了親切的保護與慈愛的關懷，這曾經是難受的--沒有任何人，只有弗洛倫斯才知道這是多麼難受！--在內心深處感受她曾經感受過的感情，而從來不曾享受過得到回答的幸福，這曾經是難受的。但是現在被迫地懷疑她的父親或懷疑對她那麼慈愛、親切的伊迪絲，並懷着恐懼、不信任和納悶的心情，交替地想着她對他們兩人每個人的愛，這是更爲難受的。
然而弗洛倫斯現在開始這樣做了；這是她的純潔的心靈強加給她的一項苦役，這是她所無法迴避的。她看到父親就像對待她一樣，冷淡地、固執地對待伊迪絲，嚴酷無情，毫不妥協，決不讓步。她含着眼淚問她自己：她的親母親是不是可能就是由於這樣的對待而過着不幸福的生活，消瘦下去，最後死去的呢？然後她想到伊迪絲除了對她一個人之外，是多麼高傲地、威嚴地對待每一個人，想到她是以多麼輕蔑的態度對待他，她是多麼遠遠地避開他，還想到她回家來的那天夜裏所說過的話。弗洛倫斯突然間感到她犯了罪，因爲她想到，她愛了一位反對她父親的人；因爲她想到，她父親在寂寞的房間中知道這一點，一定會把她看成一個違反常情的女兒；這個女兒從出生之後從沒有博得過他的父愛，如今除了這個她曾爲它哭泣過多少次的老的過錯之外，她又犯了一個新的錯誤了。下一次遇到伊迪絲時，她的第一句親切的話語，第一道親切的眼光又會動搖她的這些思想，使它們彷彿成爲邪惡的忘恩負義；因爲除了她，還有誰曾經使那麼孤獨那麼痛苦的弗洛倫斯的消沉不振的心快活起來，成爲它最好的安慰者呢？因此，弗洛倫斯現在不斷地嚮往着他們兩人，感受着他們兩人的痛苦，暗中懷疑着她對他們兩人所負的責任；在這樣的情況下，當她懷着更寬廣的、更擴展的愛，坐在伊迪絲的身旁時，她忍受着的痛苦要比過去她把她整個的祕密保藏在她悲哀的住宅中、她美麗的媽媽還沒有到這裏來時更大。
一個遠遠超過這個痛苦的非常的不幸，弗洛倫斯倖免了。她從來不曾懷疑過：伊迪絲對她的親熱會擴大她和她父親之間的距離，或者會給他提供討厭她的新的理由。如果弗洛倫斯設想過這樣的可能性的話，那麼她將會感到什麼樣的悲痛，她將會設法作出什麼樣的犧牲，可愛而又可憐的女孩子，她將會多麼迅速、多麼滿懷信心地平平靜靜地走到那位更加崇高的父親前面去（這位父親是不會拒絕他的孩子們的愛的，是不會摒棄他們的經過考驗的、破碎了的心的），這一切只有上天才知道！可是情形並不是這樣的，這很好。