名著精讀:《悉達多》 戈文達(2)

When in the next morning the time had come to start the day's journey, Govinda said, not without hesitation, these words: "Before I'll continue on my path, Siddhartha, permit me to ask one more question. Do you have a teaching? Do you have a faith, or a knowledge, you follow, which helps you to live and to do right?"
Quoth Siddhartha: "You know, my dear, that I already as a young man, in those days when we lived with the penitents in the forest, started to distrust teachers and teachings and to turn my back to them. I have stuck with this. Nevertheless, I have had many teachers since then. A beautiful courtesan has been my teacher for a long time, and a rich merchant was my teacher, and some gamblers with dice. Once, even a follower of Buddha, travelling on foot, has been my teacher; he sat with me when I had fallen asleep in the forest, on the pilgrimage. I've also learned from him, I'm also grateful to him, very grateful. But most of all, I have learned here from this river and from my predecessor, the ferryman Vasudeva. He was a very simple person, Vasudeva, he was no thinker, but he knew what is necessary just as well as Gotama, he was a perfect man, a saint."
Govinda said: "Still, oh Siddhartha, you love a bit to mock people, as it seems to me. I believe in you and know that you haven't followed a teacher. But haven't you found something by yourself, though you've found no teachings, you still found certain thoughts, certain insights, which are your own and which help you to live? If you would like to tell me some of these, you would delight my heart."
Quoth Siddhartha: "I've had thoughts, yes, and insight, again and again. Sometimes, for an hour or for an entire day, I have felt knowledge in me, as one would feel life in one's heart. There have been many thoughts, but it would be hard for me to convey them to you. Look, my dear Govinda, this is one of my thoughts, which I have found: wisdom cannot be passed on. Wisdom which a wise man tries to pass on to someone always sounds like foolishness."
"Are you kidding?" asked Govinda.
"I'm not kidding. I'm telling you what I've found. Knowledge can be conveyed, but not wisdom. It can be found, it can be lived, it is possible to be carried by it, miracles can be performed with it, but it cannot be expressed in words and taught. This was what I, even as a young man, sometimes suspected, what has driven me away from the teachers. I have found a thought, Govinda, which you'll again regard as a joke or foolishness, but which is my best thought. It says: The opposite of every truth is just as true! That's like this: any truth can only be expressed and put into words when it is one-sided. Everything is one-sided which can be thought with thoughts and said with words, it's all one-sided, all just one half, all lacks completeness, roundness, oneness. When the exalted Gotama spoke in his teachings of the world, he had to divide it into Sansara and Nirvana, into deception and truth, into suffering and salvation. It cannot be done differently, there is no other way for him who wants to teach. But theworld itself, what exists around us and inside of us, is never one-sided. A person or an act is never entirely Sansara or entirely Nirvana, a person is never entirely holy or entirely sinful. It does really seem like this, because we are subject to deception, as if time was something real. Time is not real, Govinda, I have experienced this often and often again. And if time is not real, then the gap which seems to be between the world and the eternity, between suffering and blissfulness, between evil and good, is also a deception.""How come?" asked Govinda timidly."Listen well, my dear, listen well! The sinner, which I am and which you are, is a sinner, but in times to come he will be Brahma again, he will reach the Nirvana, will be Buddha--and now see: these "times to come" are a deception, are only a parable! The sinner is not on his way to become a Buddha, he is not in the process of developing, though our capacity for thinking does not know how else to picture these things. No, within the sinner is now and today already the future Buddha, his future is already all there, you have to worship in him, in you, in everyone the Buddha which is coming into being, the possible, the hidden Buddha. The world, my friend Govinda, is not imperfect, or on a slow path towards perfection: no, it is perfect in every moment, all sin already carries the divine forgiveness in itself, all small children already have the old person in themselves, all infants already have death, all dying people the eternal life. It is not possible for any person to see how far another one has already progressed on his path; in the robber and dice-gambler, the Buddha is waiting; in the Brahman, the robber is waiting. In deep meditation, there is the possibility to put time out of existence, to see all life which was, is, and will be as if it was simultaneous, and there everything is good, everything is perfect, everything is Brahman. Therefore, I see whatever exists as good, death is to me like life, sin like holiness, wisdom like foolishness, everything has to be as it is, everything only requires my consent, only my willingness, my loving agreement, to be good for me, to do nothing but work for my benefit, to be unable to ever harm me. I have experienced on my body and on my soul that I needed sin very much, I needed lust, the desire for possessions, vanity, and needed the most shameful despair, in order to learn how to give up all resistance, in order to learn how to love the world, in order to stop comparing it to some world I wished, I imagined, some kind of perfection I had made up, but to leave it asit is and to love it and to enjoy being a part of it.--These, oh Govinda, are some of the thoughts which have come into my mind."
Siddhartha bent down, picked up a stone from the ground, and weighed it in his hand.
"This here," he said playing with it, "is a stone, and will, after a certain time, perhaps turn into soil, and will turn from soil into a plant or animal or human being. In the past, I would have said: This stone is just a stone, it is worthless, it belongs to the world of the Maja; but because it might be able to become also a human being and a spirit in the cycle of transformations, therefore I also grant it importance. Thus, I would perhaps have thought in the past. But today I think: this stone is a stone, it is also animal, it is also god, it is also Buddha, I do not venerate and love it because it could turn into this or that, but rather because it is already and always everything-- and it is this very fact, that it is a stone, that it appears to me now and today as a stone, this is why I love it and see worth and purpose in each of its veins and cavities, in the yellow, in the gray, in the hardness, in the sound it makes when I knock at it, in the dryness or wetness of its surface. There are stones which feel like oil or soap, and others like leaves, others like sand, and every one is special and prays the Om in its own way, each one is Brahman, but simultaneously and just as much it is a stone, is oily or juicy, and this is this very fact which I like and regard as wonderful and worthy of worship.--But let me speak no more of this. The words are not good for the secret meaning, everything always becomes a bit different, as soon as it is put into words, gets distorted a bit, a bit silly--yes, and this is also very good, and I like it a lot, I also very much agree with this, that this what is one man's treasure and wisdom always sounds like foolishness to another person."
Govinda listened silently.

第二天早晨，到了該出發上路的時候，戈文達有些猶豫地說：“在我繼續趕路之前，席特哈爾塔，請允許我再提一個問題。你是否有一種自己的學說？你是否有一種必須遵循的、能幫助你生活和正直做人的信仰或學問？”
席特哈爾塔說：“你知道，親愛的，當年我還是個年輕人，咱們在森林裏跟苦行僧一起生活，我就開始懷疑種種學說和老師，並且離開了他們。現在我依然如此。可我後來還是有過不少老師。一個豔麗的名妓曾做過我很長時間的老師，一個富商也當過我的老師，此外還有幾個賭徒。有一次，一個遊方和尚也當了我的老師；他在朝聖路上發現我在樹林裏睡着了，就坐在我身邊守護我。我也向他學習，感激他，十分感激。但是在這兒，我向這條河學得最多，還有就是我的師傅，船伕瓦蘇代瓦。他是個很普通的人，這個瓦蘇代瓦，他也不是思想家，但是他懂得應該懂的東西，就像戈塔馬一樣，他是一個完人，一個聖賢。”
戈文達說：“哦，席特哈爾塔，我覺得你還是總愛開玩笑。我相信你，知道你並沒有追隨一個老師。但即便沒有一種學說，難道你自己就沒有找到某些你特有的、幫助你生活的想法和認識？要是你能給我講講這些，會使我很開心。”
席特哈爾塔說：“我有過想法，對，有時也有過認識。有時我心中感受到知識，一個鐘頭或是一天，就像人在心中感受到生活一樣。那是某些想法，但是我很難向你表達出來。瞧，戈文達，這就是我發現的一個想法：智慧是無法表達的。一個智者謀略表達的智慧，聽起來卻總像是愚蠢。”
“你在開玩笑吧？”戈文達問。
“我沒有開玩笑。我說的正是我所發現的道理。知識可以傳授，而智慧卻不能。人可以發現它，可以體驗它，可以享有它，可以用它來創造奇蹟，但是卻不能講述和傳授它。這便是我年輕時就已經預感到，並且離開了那些老師的原因。我發現了一個想法，戈文達，你又會以爲是開玩笑或愚蠢行爲，但其實是我最好的想法。那就是：每一個真理的反面也同樣是真實的！也就是說，一個真理如果是片面的，那就要掛在嘴邊說個不停。可以用思想去想或用言語去說的一切都是片面的。一切都是片面的，一切都不完整，一切都缺少完備、圓滿和統一。戈塔馬在講經時談到這個世界，不得不把它分爲輪迴和涅槃，立地成佛——可是你瞧：這個‘總有一天’是錯覺，僅僅是比喻！罪人並沒有走在成佛的路上，他並沒有處在發展之中，儘管我們的思維不能把事物想象成別的樣子。不，在罪人身上，現在和今天就已經有了將來的佛，他的前途已經全都在這裏，你得在他身上、在你身上、在每個人身上敬奉這個未來的、可能的、隱形的佛。戈文達，塵世並不是不完善，或是正處在一條緩慢通向完美的路上：不，它在每一瞬間都是完美的，一切罪孽本身就已經蘊含着寬恕，所有小孩本身就已經蘊含着老人，所有嬰兒都蘊含着死亡，所有瀕死者都蘊含着永恆的生命。沒有一個人能從另一個人身上看到他已在自己的路上走了多遠，強盜和賭徒可能成佛，婆羅門則可能成爲強盜。在深沉的冥想中有可能取消時間，把一切過去的、現在的和將來的生活都看作是同時的，於是一切都很好，一切都很完美，一切都屬於婆羅門。因此，我覺得凡存在的都是好的，我覺得死跟生一樣，罪孽跟聖潔一樣，聰明跟愚蠢一樣，一切都肯定如此，一切都只需要我的贊成，我的同意，我的欣然認可，因而對我來說是好的，決不會傷害我。我從自己的身體和心靈體會到，我十分需要罪孽，需要肉慾，需要追求財富，需要虛榮，需要最爲可恥的絕望，以便學會放棄抗爭，學會愛這個世界，不再拿它與某個我所希望的、臆想的世界相比，與一種我憑空臆造的完美相比，而是聽其自然，愛它，樂意從屬於它。哦，戈文達，這就是我想到的一些想法。”
席特哈爾塔彎下腰，從地上撿起一塊石頭，拿在手裏掂了掂。
“這玩意兒，”他輕鬆地說，“是一塊石頭，它過了一定的時候也許會變成泥土，又偷漏經土變成植物，或者變成動物或人。而過去我會說：‘這塊石頭僅僅是一塊石頭。它毫無價值，屬於瑪雅的世界。但是，因爲它說不定在變化的循環中也會變成人和鬼，所以我也賦予它價值。’過去我大概會這麼想。但今天我卻想：這塊石頭是石頭，它也是動物，也是神，也是佛，我並非因爲它將來會變成這個或那個才敬重和熱愛它，而是因爲它早就一直是一切——而它是石頭，現如今在我眼前呈現爲石頭，正是這一點，正是因爲這個，我才愛它，從它的每一個紋路和凹坑口裏，從黃色，從灰色，從硬度，從我叩擊它時發出的響聲，從它表面的乾燥或潮溼中，看到它的價值和意識。有些石頭摸着像油脂或肥皂，中有一些像樹葉，還有一些像沙子，每一塊都有其特點，以其特有的方式唸誦‘唵’，每一塊都是婆羅門，但同時又確實是石頭，滑溜溜或者油膩膩，正是這一點叫我喜歡，我覺得奇妙，值得崇拜。——不過，我就別再多說了吧。話語對於隱蔽的含義不利，說出來總會有點兒不同，有點兒走樣，有點兒愚蠢——是的，就是這點也很好，令我喜歡，我完全同意：一個人的寶貝與智慧，另一個人聽起來卻總是愚蠢。”
戈文達默不作聲地聽着。