名著精讀:《悉達多》 在河邊(2)

He also put an end to this, this also died in him. He rose, bid his farewell to the mango-tree, his farewell to the pleasure-garden. Since he had been without food this day, he felt strong hunger, and thought of his house in the city, of his chamber and bed, of the table with the meals on it. He smiled tiredly, shook himself, and bid his farewell to these things.
In the same hour of the night, Siddhartha left his garden, left the city, and never came back. For a long time, Kamaswami had people look for him, thinking that he had fallen into the hands of robbers. Kamala had no one look for him. When she was told that Siddhartha had disappeared, she was not astonished. Did she not always expect it? Was he not a Samana, a man who was at home nowhere, a pilgrim? And most of all, she had felt this the last time they had been together, and she was happy, in spite of all the pain of the loss, that she had pulled him so affectionately to her heart for this last time, that she had felt one more time to be so completely possessed and penetrated by him.
When she received the first news of Siddhartha's disappearance, she went to the window, where she held a rare singing bird captive in a golden cage. She opened the door of the cage, took the bird out and let it fly. For a long time, she gazed after it, the flying bird. From this day on, she received no more visitors and kept her house locked. But after some time, she became aware that she was pregnant from the last time she was together with Siddhartha.

就連這他也要徹底了結，就連這也在他心中死去了。他站起來，向芒果樹告別，向大花園告別。因爲他一整天沒有進食，他感到飢腸轆轆，想起自己在城裏的住宅，想起自己的臥室和牀鋪，想起擺滿了佳餚的餐桌。他疲乏地笑笑，搖搖頭，告別了這些東西。
就在當天夜裏，席特哈爾塔離開了他的花園，離開了這座城市，再也沒有回去。卡馬斯瓦密派人找了他很久，以爲他落入了強盜之手。卡瑪拉沒有讓人找他。她得知席特哈爾塔失蹤時並沒有驚訝。她不是一直在盼着這個消息麼？原來他不就是一個沙門，一個無家可歸的人，一個朝聖者麼？在最後那次歡聚時她感受得尤爲深刻。她在失敗的痛楚中尋歡作樂，最後一次把他緊緊地貼在心口上，再一次感到自己被他完全佔有了。
當她得知席特哈爾塔失蹤的第一個消息時，她走到窗前，走到羊着一隻罕見的小啼鳥的金鳥籠前。她打開籠門，取出小鳥，放它飛走。她久久地目送着那隻高翔的鳥兒遠去。從這天起，她不再接待客人，關閉了自己的住房。過了一段時間後她意外地發覺，跟席特哈爾塔的最後一次歡聚竟使她懷了孕。