名著精讀:《悉達多》 戈塔馬(2)

Behold, then Govinda, the shy one, also stepped forward and spoke: "I also take my refuge in the exalted one and his teachings," and he asked to accepted into the community ofhis disciples and was accepted.
Right afterwards, when the Buddha had retired for the night, Govinda turned to Siddhartha and spoke eagerly: "Siddhartha, it is not my place to scold you. We have both heard theexalted one, be have both perceived the teachings. Govinda has heard the teachings, he has taken refuge in it. But you, my honoured friend, don't you also want to walk the pathof salvation? Would you want to hesitate, do you want to wait any longer?"
Siddhartha awakened as if he had been asleep, when he heard Govinda's words. For a long tome, he looked into Govinda's face. Then he spoke quietly, in a voice without mockery:"Govinda, my friend, now you have taken this step, now you have chosen this path. Always, oh Govinda, you've been my friend, you've always walked one step behind me. Often Ihave thought: Won't Govinda for once also take a step by himself, without me, out of his own soul? Behold, now you've turned into a man and are choosing your path for yourself.I wish that you would go it up to its end, oh my friend, that you shall find salvation!"
Govinda, not completely understanding it yet, repeated his question in an impatient tone: "Speak up, I beg you, my dear! Tell me, since it could not be any other way, that youalso, my learned friend, will take your refuge with the exalted Buddha!"
Siddhartha placed his hand on Govinda's shoulder: "You failed to hear my good wish for you, oh Govinda. I'm repeating it: I wish that you would go this path up to its end, thatyou shall find salvation!"
In this moment, Govinda realized that his friend had left him, and he started to weep.
"Siddhartha!" he exclaimed lamentingly.
Siddhartha kindly spoke to him: "Don't forget, Govinda, that you are now one of the Samanas of the Buddha! You have renounced your home and your parents, renounced your birthand possessions, renounced your free will, renounced all friendship. This is what the teachings require, this is what the exalted one wants. This is what you wanted foryourself. Tomorrow, oh Govinda, I'll leave you."
For a long time, the friends continued walking in the grove; for a long time, they lay there and found no sleep. And over and over again, Govinda urged his friend, he shouldtell him why he would not want to seek refuge in Gotama's teachings, what fault he would find in these teachings. But Siddhartha turned him away every time and said: "Becontent, Govinda! Very good are the teachings of the exalted one, how could I find a fault in them?"
Very early in the morning, a follower of Buddha, one of his oldest monks, went through the garden and called all those to him who had as novices taken their refuge in theteachings, to dress them up in the yellow robe and to instruct them in the first teachings and duties of their position. Then Govinda broke loose, embraced once again hischildhood friend and left with the novices.
But Siddhartha walked through the grove, lost in thought.
Then he happened to meet Gotama, the exalted one, and when he greeted him with respect and the Buddha's glance was so full of kindness and calm, the young man summoned hiscourage and asked the venerable one for the permission to talk to him. Silently the exalted one nodded his approval.
Quoth Siddhartha: "Yesterday, oh exalted one, I had been privileged to hear your wondrous teachings. Together with my friend, I had come from afar, to hear your teachings. Andnow my friend is going to stay with your people, he has taken his refuge with you. But I will again start on my pilgrimage."
"As you please," the venerable one spoke politely.
"Too bold is my speech," Siddhartha continued, "but I do not want to leave the exalted one without having honestly told him my thoughts. Does it please the venerable one tolisten to me for one moment longer?"
Silently, the Buddha nodded his approval.

瞧，靦腆的戈文達這時也走上去說:“我也願意信奉您和您的學說。”戈文達請求成爲活佛的弟子，結果也被接納了。
接着，活佛退下去就寢，戈文達轉向席特哈爾塔，熱誠地說道:“席特哈爾塔，我沒有權利責怪你。可是，咱們倆都聽了活佛講經，都聽了他的教誨。戈文達聽了教誨後已經信奉了活佛。可是你呢，我尊敬的人，難道你就不想走這條獲救之路?難道你還猶豫，還要等待?”
席特哈爾塔聽了戈文達的話如夢方醒。他久久地凝視戈文達的臉，然後低聲說道，語氣中毫無諷刺的意味:“戈文達，我的朋友，現在你邁出了第一步，你選擇了這條路。哦，戈文達，你向來都是我的朋友，一直是緊跟着我。我常想:沒有我，戈文達會不會有一天也出於自己的意願而單獨邁出一步呢?瞧，現在你成了男子漢，自己選擇了自己的道路。但願你能把這條路走到底，哦，我的朋友!但願你能獲救!”
戈文達沒有完全聽明白，於是又用不耐煩的口氣重複了他的提問:“你倒是說呀，我求求你，親愛的朋友!告訴我，怎麼就不能是另一種樣子，你，我的博學的朋友，也信奉這位可敬的活佛呢?”
席特哈爾塔把手放在戈文達戶上說:“你沒聽清我的祝願，戈文達。我再重複一遍，但願你能把這條路走到底!但願你獲救!”
這是戈文達才明白，他的朋友要離開他了，便哭起來。
“席特哈爾塔!”他抱怨地喊道。
席特哈爾塔溫和地說:“別忘了，戈文達，你現在已經是皈依佛祖的沙門了!你拋棄了故鄉和父母，拋棄了出身和財產，拋棄了自己的意志，拋棄了友情。信仰要求這樣，活佛要求這樣，你自己也願意這樣。明天，哦，戈文達，我就要離開你了。”
這兩個朋友又在小樹林裏溜達了很久，躺下之後也仍然久久未能入眠。戈文達再三追問他的朋友，要他說清楚爲什麼不願信奉戈塔馬的學說，他在這一學說中到底發現了什麼缺陷。但是，席特哈爾塔每次都回答說:“算了吧，戈文達!活佛的教誨出類拔萃，我怎麼能發現缺陷呢!”
第二天清早，活佛的一個弟子，一個年長的和尚，跑遍了林苑各處，把所有新皈依的門徒都叫到他身邊，讓他們穿上黃僧衣，並且給他們講解初步的知識，以及與他們的身份相應的職責。戈文達這時又跑回來，再一次擁抱了自己的好友，然後便加入了新和尚的行列。
席特哈爾塔卻沉思着漫步走出了林苑。
這時，戈塔馬剛巧跟他迎面相遇。他滿懷敬畏地向活佛問好，見活佛的目光滿含仁慈與安詳，就鼓起勇氣請求活佛跟他談一談。活佛默默地點頭同意了。
席特哈爾塔說:“活佛，昨天我有幸聽了你奇妙的講演。我和我的朋友從遠方趕來，就是要來聽你講經的。如今我的朋友已留在了你身邊，皈依了你，而我卻要重新開始我的旅程了。”
“隨你便啊。”活佛彬彬有禮地說。
“我的話也許太狂妄，”席特哈爾塔繼續說道，“但是，在把我的想法坦誠地告訴活佛之前，我不想離開。活佛，你能不能再勞神聽我講一會兒呢?”
活佛默默地點頭同意了。