我們往往忽視家暴的這些早期跡象

John Meehan told Debra Newell he would be the best thing that would ever happen to her. He ended up being the worst. The new podcast Dirty John produced by the Los Angeles Times tells a story of an abusive relationship and how a serial offender managed to manipulate and coerce multiple smart, accomplished and wealthy women.

約翰•梅恩對德布拉•紐維爾說，他將是她遇到的最美好的事情。但結果卻是他是她遇到的最糟糕的事情。《洛杉磯時報》製作的這一新博客Dirty John講述了家暴戀情的故事，以及一個慣犯如何成功地操控和強迫多個聰明、有成就而又富有的女性。

But this is not like the story we are used to. Meehan is 55 years old, six-foot tall, handsome and charismatic, presenting as an anaesthetist, rarely dressed in anything but his scrubs. Newell is 59, a mother of four, and owner of an extremely successful interior-design business. The narrative of abuse does not start with Meehan’s fiery temper, or checking his partner’s phone in the middle of the night. It does not begin with degradation or cruelty or control.

但與以往故事不同，梅恩55歲、6英尺高，英俊而又富有魅力，是一位麻醉師，除了工作服外不怎麼穿其它衣服。紐維爾59歲，有4個孩子，擁有一家極其成功的室內設計店。這段家暴的開場並不是梅恩的火爆脾氣，也不是在半夜查看另一半的手機。這段故事的開頭並不是墮落、殘忍或控制。

It begins with what looks a lot like kindness. Meehan was – in Newell’s words – “perfect”. On their first date, he opened the door for her and placed her napkin gently on her lap. He had a warm smile – the kind that made people trust him. Meehan was fascinated by Newell, asking question after question about her life.

這段故事的開頭看起來很美好。用紐維爾的話來說，梅恩簡直“完美”。初次約會時，他爲她開門、溫柔地把紙巾鋪在她的腿上。他的笑容很溫暖——讓人很容易信任他。梅恩爲紐維爾着迷，不斷的詢問她的生活狀況。

“The intensity of the attention was flattering,” Newell says. He would constantly tell her how beautiful she was and how lucky he was to have her. As the weeks rolled on, he spoiled his new girlfriend. Every morning, he bought her coffee. He did the grocery shopping. He did the dry cleaning. He took the cars for maintenance. He insisted on carrying her purse. He doted on her in a way she had never before experienced.

“這種濃烈的興趣很令人滿意，”紐維爾說道。他總是告訴她她有多美以及擁有她是如何幸運。幾個星期後，他寵壞了他新交的女朋友。每天早晨，他都給她帶咖啡。還去超市買東西、乾洗、送車去維修、堅持替她拎包。他以一種她從未體驗過的方式寵着她。

Meehan was everything Newell had ever wanted. It was date two or three when Meehan told Newell he loved her, and he could not wait to marry her. Because that’s what happens when you fall in love – we’re told. You just know. It’s why we use the analogy of ‘falling’ – you can’t control it, you can’t stop halfway. Everyone thinks you’ve gone mad. Your heart beats hard out of your chest. It’s moving fast, but that’s because of the force of the passion.

梅恩做到了紐維爾想要的一切。約會兩三次後，梅恩對紐維爾說他愛她，而且已經等不及要娶她了。因爲墜入愛河就會自然而然地想要結婚——別人都是這麼說的。你就是知道。所以我們用“墜入”這個詞比喻我們無法控制、無法半途而廢。每個人都覺得你瘋了。你的心砰砰跳。戀情進展很快，但這是因爲你們充滿了激情。

“Follow your heart,” goes the cliche.

“聽從自己的內心，”陳詞濫調都這麼說。