英語搞笑冷笑話6篇

下面是本站小編整理的英語搞笑冷笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語搞笑冷笑話：DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?

One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you?

No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself, said Tim.

你爸爸幫你了嗎?

一天，蒂姆的數學老師看了他的作業，發現他全做對了。老師很高興，同時也十分驚訝。他把蒂姆叫到桌前說：蒂姆，你這次的作業全都做對了，怎麼回事?你爸爸幫你做了嗎? 不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。

　　英語搞笑冷笑話：

I had a schoolmate who had come into school at an age later than usual，and could hardly e was a book used by the leaners in reading calledDialogues between a Missionary and an was a poor performance，full of inconclusive arguments and other boy in question used to appear with this book in his hand in the middle of the school，the master standing behind him.

The lesson was to poor fellow，whose great fault lay in a deep toned drawl of his syllable and the omission of his stops，stood half looking at the book，and half casting his eye towards the right of him， whence the blows were to master looked over him，and his hand was ready.I am not exact in my quotation at this distance of time ;but the spirit of one of the passages that I recollect was to the following purport，and thus did the teacher and his pupil proceed：

，young man，have a care ;or I'll set you a swingeing task.(A comMon phrase of his.)

Pupil(making a sort of heavy bolt at his calamity，and neverremembering his stop at the wordMissionary)ionary Can you see the wind?

(Master gives him a aslap on thehcheek.)

Pupil(raising his voice to a cry，and still forgetting his stop)an No!

ds，young man!have a care how you provoke me!

Pupil(always forgetting the stop)ionary How then do you know that there is such a thing?

(Here a terrible thump.)

Pupil(with a shout of agony). Indian Because I feel it.

當年我有個同學，入學比常規的年齡要遲，而且幾乎完全不會讀書。那時有個學生用的閱讀課本，叫做《傳教士和印第安人的對話》。課本不怎麼樣，盡是不得要領的論說和一些老生常談。那孩子常常手拿該課本出現在學校中央，身後站着教師。

授課即將開始。那可憐的學生的毛病在於他讀音節時語調深沉地拖長腔並略去應有的停頓。他站立着，三心二意地看着書，一面向身子右邊瞄去，因爲打擊將會來自那個方向。教師盯視着他，手已擺出了打人的架勢。因爲時隔已久，我的引述可能不很確切，但就我所憶，先生和學生的一次對話的要旨大致如下：

老師：年輕人，小心點;要不我可要讓你狠狠吃點苦頭。(這是他的口頭禪。)

學生：(大難臨頭，身體猛然一搖閃，根本記不得在傳教士一詞後應該停頓。)傳教士你能看見風嗎?

(教師扇了他一耳光。)

學生：(提高了嗓音，幾乎是在哭喊，但仍不記得要停頓)印第安人不能啊!

教師：該死!年輕人，小心點別惹我發火!

學生：(一如既往漏掉停頓)傳教士那你怎麼知道有這樣一種東西呢?

(這時來了重重一擊。)

學生：(痛苦地叫喊)印第安人因爲我感覺到了。

　　英語搞笑冷笑話：

n went to Germany，because he had some work came back last Monday，and his young wife met him at the walked to their car and passed a tall，pretty air n said to her，Goodbye，Miss Harris， and the air hostess smiled and saidGoodbye too.

n stopped and looked at the air she said to her husband，How did you know her name?

That was easy，answered names of the captain and all the crew were on a piece of paper in front of our sests.

What was the name of the captain?n asked with a smile.

n laughed and answered，I don't remember any of the other names.

格林去了德國，因爲他在那裏有些工作要做。他上星期一回國，他年輕的妻子到機場去接他。他們向他們的汽車走去，遇見了一位高挑、漂亮的空中小姐。格林先生對她說：再見，哈里斯小姐。那位空中小姐莞爾一笑，也說了聲再見。

格林夫人停下來，看看那位空中小姐，然後她問她丈夫：你怎麼知道她的名字?

這很容易，格林先生回答。機長和機組全體人員的名單都寫在我們座位前的一張紙上。

那機長叫什麼名字?格林夫人笑着問。

格林先生笑着答道：我不記得其他任何人的名字。

　　英語搞笑冷笑話：

Uncle Silas had lighted his pipe for a comfortable smoke, when Aunt Rebecca looked up from her knitting and said: Silas, do you know that Sunday next will be the thirtieth anniversary of our wedding?

I swan，said Silas，is that so，and what about it?

拍賣會上 At Auction Fair

At auction spot, someone has lost a bag, in which has the vital document.

The owner says, "Once who picked it up brings it to me, I will take out 200 dollars to remunerate reward him or her."

On hearing the news, another chap(小夥子，傢伙) shouts out:" I reward 300 dollars."

拍賣會上，有人的包丟了，裏面裝有重要文件。物主說：“有誰揀到送還，我將拿出200美元以表酬謝。”

話剛出口，就聽有人喊：“我出300美元。”

　　英語搞笑冷笑話：The doctor Knows Better

A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."

"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.

Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."

"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

一個男人在街上被出租車撞倒送進了醫院。他的妻子站在他的牀前對醫生說：“我想他傷得很厲害。”

醫生說：“恐怕他已經死了。”

聽到醫生的話，這個男人轉動着頭說：“我沒死，我還活着。”

妻子說：“安靜，醫生比你懂得多。”

　　英語搞笑冷笑話：I Don't Need to Steal Any More

The owner of a large department store went over hisbooks and discovered that his most trusted employee had stolenover a million dollars from the firm.“I want no scandal，” saidthe owner.“I'll just fire you.” The employee replied，“True，I robbed your firm of quitea tidy sum. I now have yachts， a country mansion， jewelry，and every luxury you can think of. I don't need a thing， sowhy hire somebody else and have him start from scratch?”

一家大百貨店的老闆在查帳中發現，他最信任的僱員從公司偷走了一百多萬美元。“我不要醜聞。”老闆說。“我只要開除你。”那個僱員回答說：“不錯，我是偷了你公司相當一大筆錢。現在我有遊艇、一座鄉村別墅、珠寶，以及你能想到的一切 奢侈品。我什麼都不需要了，你爲什麼要再僱個人來，讓他從頭做起呢?”

英語搞笑冷笑話：

Oh，nothing，said Aunt Rebecca，only thought may be we ought to kill them two Rhode Island Red chickens.

But，Rebecca，said Uncle Silas，how can you blame them two Rhode Island Red chickens for what happened thirty years ago?

賽拉斯大叔點燃了菸斗想好好吸一口，麗貝卡大媽織着毛衣擡眼說：賽拉斯，你知不知道下星期日是我們結婚三十週年?

老天哪，賽拉斯說，是嗎?那又怎麼樣?

噢，沒什麼，麗貝卡大媽應道，我只是想，也許我們該把那兩隻羅得島紅雞宰了。

可是，麗貝卡，賽拉斯大叔說，你怎麼能夠把三十年前發生的事怪到那兩隻羅得島紅雞的頭上呢?