英語爆笑冷笑話9篇

下面是本站小編整理的英語爆笑笑話，希望對大家有幫助。

　　英語爆笑笑話：

Before the final examination, Tom told his Mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam."

"Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied.

"Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.

在期末考試之前，湯姆告訴他的母親：“媽媽，我昨天晚上做了一個夢，夢見我通過了今天的考試。”

“不要相信夢，親愛的。據說夢中的經歷通常與現實相反。”媽媽答道。

“那麼，我真希望在今晚的夢中，我的其他功課都不及格。”湯姆說。

　　英語爆笑笑話：

A small boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp. A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the lad(少年，小夥子) . What are you holding onto your brother so tight for, sonny? asked one of them.

So he won't join the army, the youngster replied without blinking an eye.

一個小男孩牽着頭驢子穿過部隊營房。兩名士兵想跟小傢伙開個玩笑：小孩，你把你哥哥牽得這麼緊幹什麼?

這樣，他就不會去參軍了。小傢伙眼都不眨地回答道。

　　英語爆笑笑話：

Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?

Student: Big hands.

老師：如果我左手上有7個桔子，右手上有8個桔子。那麼我有什麼?

學生：大手。

　　英語爆笑笑話：

When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, When you bow to somebody next time, you can count 'January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.

The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, Which month did he go away?

傑克給人鞠躬，飛快地一點頭，就算完了。大家都怪他不懂禮貌。於是便有好心的人教他說，下次鞠躬的時候，你就在心裏數：一月、二月、……一直數到十二月爲止，然後再直起身來。這樣，禮節就周全了。

第二天，傑克見到他的叔叔，他便如法炮製。這躬鞠得太久，叔叔吃了一驚，趕緊逃開了。傑克擡頭一看，其叔早已不知去向，他便問過路人：我叔叔幾月走的?

　　英語爆笑笑話：

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on(溺愛，寵愛) him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(亂髮脾氣) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?"

"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

六歲的約翰嬌生慣養。他的父親知道這一點，可他的祖父母仍然寵着他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什麼不是哭，就是鬧。

他第一天上學才離開祖母的懷抱。約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他並問道：“學校怎麼樣?你過的好嗎?哭了沒有?”

“哭?”約翰問，“不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。”

　　英語爆笑笑話：

A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

一個老師在對學生們講心理學，“誰認爲自己蠢就站起來?”她一開始就說。

小約翰尼站了起來。

“你認爲你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼?”老師問。

“不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個人站着。”

　　英語爆笑笑話：

Returning from a golf outing(遠足，短途旅行) , my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?

Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win, my husband hedged(避免作正面答覆) . We just play to have fun.

Undaunted, Sare said, Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?

丈夫打完高爾夫球回來，我們四歲的女兒莎拉在門口迎了上去。爸爸，誰贏了高爾夫球比賽，是你還是理查叔叔?

我和理查叔叔打高爾夫球不是爲贏，丈夫推諉說。我們打球只是爲了好玩而已。

莎拉毫不氣餒，又問：那麼，爸爸，誰覺得更好玩呢?

　　英語爆笑笑話：If I Am a Manager

One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – if I Am a Manager.

All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.

“I am waiting for my secretary,” was the boy’s answer.

一天課上，老師要同學們以“如果我是一個經理”爲題寫一篇作文。

所有的學生都在動筆寫了，只有一個男生例外。老師走過去問他爲什麼不寫。

“我在等我的祕書”。那孩子答道。

　　英語爆笑笑話：Isn’t it wonderful?

"What are you so happy about?"a woman asked the 98-year-old man.

"I broke a mirror," he replied.

"But that means seven years of bad luck."

"I know." he said, beaming,"Isn’t it wonderful?"

這難道不好嗎?

“你高興什麼?”一個女士問一個98歲的老人。

“我打碎了一個鏡子。”他回答。

“但那預示着7年的壞運氣。”

“我知道。”他高興地說，“這難道不好嗎?”