英語搞笑冷笑話7則
下面是本站小編整理的英語搞笑冷笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!
英語搞笑冷笑話：
A teacher was always so involved in the text being studied that he never looked up. He would call on a student for translation and explanation, and-without realizing it-he often chose the same student day after day. Out of respect, the student wouldn't point this out to him.
After being called on four days in a row, a student named Goldberg asked advice from his friends. The next day when the teacher said Goldberg, translate and explain, Goldberg replied, Goldberg is absent today .
All right, said the teacher. YOU translate and explain.
一位老師對所講課文總是非常投入，從不擡頭。他常讓一個學生來翻譯和解釋，並且----不自覺地----他常日復一日地叫同一個學生。出於尊敬，學生並不給他指出這一點。
一個叫古德伯格的學生，在被一連叫了四天之後，向他的朋友尋求建議。第二天，這位教師又說：古德伯格，翻譯並解釋。古德伯格回答說：古德伯格今天缺席。
那好吧，教師說，那就你來翻譯並解釋。
英語搞笑冷笑話：Tolerance
Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, I'll never make way for a fool. But I will, with that Goethe retreated aside.
歌德的容忍
一次，歌德正在魏瑪一個公園的一條狹窄小道上散步。碰巧他遇見一個對他懷有敵意的評論家。兩人都停了下來，彼此相互對視。接着評論家說道：我從來不給傻瓜讓路。 可我給。說完歌德退到了一邊。
英語搞笑冷笑話：Clean Glass
Joe and Fred were helping to build a house in a village. The weather was very warm, there was a lot of dust everywhere, and by half past twelve, they were very thirsty, so they stopped work to have their lunch. They found the nearest small bar, went in and sat down with their sandwiches.
Good afternoon, gentlemen. What can I get you? the man behind the bar asked.
Joe looked at Fred and said, Beer, I think. Yes, a pint of beer each. Is that all right for you, Fred?
Yes, that's all right. Fred said. Then he turned to the man behind the bar and said, And I want it in a clean glass! Don't forget that.
The man behind the bar filled the glasses and brought them to Joe and Fred. Then he said. Which of you asked for the clean glass?
乾淨的杯子
喬和佛瑞德在一個村子裏幫忙蓋一間房子。天氣很暖和，到處都有許多灰塵。12點半的時候，他們覺得非常口渴，便停下來去吃午飯了。他們找到最近的一家酒吧，走進去坐下吃他們的三文治。
下午好，先生。你們想要點什麼?櫃檯後面的伺應問道。
喬看了看佛瑞德說：我想，啤酒吧。對了，每人一品脫啤酒。這樣可以嗎，佛瑞德?
好的，可以。佛瑞德說。然後他轉過去跟櫃檯後面的伺應說：我要啤酒裝在一個乾淨的杯子裏!別忘了。
櫃檯後面的伺應倒滿杯子後，拿給喬和佛瑞德，接着說：剛纔哪一位要乾淨的杯子的?
英語搞笑冷笑話：
A wealthy old lady who lived near t used to send him presents occasionally by her t took her presents but never gave the boy anything for his day as Swift was busy with his writing， the boy rushed into his room， knocked some books out of their place， threw his parcelon the desk and said， my mistress has sent you two of herrab bits.
Swift turned round and said，My boy， that is not the way to deliver your ， you sit in my chair，watch my way of doing it and learn your lesson.
The boy sat down. Swift went out， knocked on his door and waited. The boy saidCome in. The doctor entered，walked to his desk and said，If you please sir， my mistress sends her kind regards and hopes you will accept these rabbits which her son shot this Morning in her fields.
The boy answered，Thank you， my boy， Give your mistress and her son my thanks for their kindness and here is two shillings for yourself.
The Doctor laughed， and after that， Swift never forgot to give the boy his tip.
斯威夫特博士與小廝
在斯威夫特博士家附近，有一位富有的老婦人，她時常打發僕人給他送禮物。斯威夫特博士接受她的禮物，但從不給小廝任何酬謝。一天，斯威夫特博士正忙着寫東西，小廝衝進了他的房間，把書一扒拉，將一個包裹扔在書桌上，說道：我的女主人送給你兩隻兔子。
斯威夫特轉過身來說：孩子，包裹可不是這樣送法呀。現在，你坐在我的椅子上，看看我是怎麼送的，並要記取這個教訓。
小廝坐了下來，斯威夫特走出去，敲了敲門，等待迴音。小廝說進來。博士進了門，走到桌旁說道：先生，我的女主人向您致以親切的問候，並希望您收下這些兔子，這是她兒子今天早晨在地裏打的。
小廝回答說：謝謝你，我的孩子。向你的女主人和她的兒子致謝，謝謝他們的關心。這兩個先令是送給你本人的。
博士笑了，打那以後，斯威夫特從沒忘記送小費給小廝。英語搞笑冷笑話：兩塊蛋糕
英語搞笑冷笑話：Two Pieces of Cake
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!
兩塊蛋糕
湯姆：媽媽，我可以吃兩塊蛋糕嗎?
媽媽：當然可以----拿這塊蛋糕把它切成兩塊吧!
英語搞笑冷笑話：I do not recognize you
Walking on the beach one day he saw a crab1, went to see what happens, suddenly crab pincers(鉗子) folder2, then crab bush run. Tiger jumped the pain, followed by the recovery of crabs3!
Catch up with no trees on the crab, and then to see a tiger in Shou Network spiders, tiger angry at Spider: Good you a crab! Do you think you posted on the Web and I do not recognize you!
一天老虎在沙灘散步，見到一隻螃蟹，就走過去想看個究竟，突然被螃蟹的鉗子夾了一下，螃蟹拔腿就往樹叢裏跑。老虎痛得跳起來了，緊接着就追螃蟹!
追到樹叢就不見螃蟹了，這時老虎看見一隻守在大網中的蜘蛛，老虎對着蜘蛛發火了：好你個螃蟹!你以爲你上了網我就不認得你了!
英語搞笑冷笑話：A Smart Parrot 聰明的鸚鵡
A curious guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings1. "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.
"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.
"I fall off my perch2 you fool!!" screeches3 the parrot.
有個人去寵物店買鸚鵡。在那裏，他看見有隻鸚鵡的左腿被紅線繫住，右腿則被綠線繫住。對此他感到不解，於是他問該店的老闆，老闆回答說：“這隻鸚鵡受過特殊的訓練。如果拉紅線，它就講法語，拉綠線，它則講德語。”
這個好奇的人接着問，“要是我兩條線都拉，會怎麼樣呢?”
“我就會掉下來了，你這個傻瓜!!”鸚鵡尖叫着說。
