英語搞笑冷笑話

笑話是一種藝術方法，用這種方法造成以笑爲藝術手段的文學藝術作品。幽默寓於笑話之中，它是笑話的精料，智慧之所在。下面是本站小編整理的英語搞笑冷笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語搞笑冷笑話一：He is really somebody他真是一個大人物

My uncle has 1000 men under him.

He is really somebody. What does he do?

A maintenance man in a cemetery.

我叔叔下面有1000個人。

他真是一個大人物。幹什麼的?

墓地守墓人。

　　英語搞笑冷笑話二：請把鬍子還給我

A man who sold brooms went into a barber’s shop to get shaved. The barber brought one of his brooms. After he had shaved him, he asked for the price of the brooms.

“Two pence,” said the man.

“No, no,” said the barber. “I will give you a penny, and if you don’t think that is enough, you may take your broom back!”

The man took it and asked what he had to pay his shave.

“A penny,” said the barber.

“I will give you a half penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again.”

一個賣掃帚的人去理髮店修面。理髮師從他那裏買了一把掃帚。當理髮師給他修面後，問一下他掃帚的價格。

買掃帚的人說：“兩個便士。”

“不，不。”理髮師說：“ 我只出一個便士，如果你認爲不夠的話，可以把掃帚拿回去。”

賣掃帚的人拿回了掃帚，隨後問修面要付多少錢。

“一便士。”理髮師說。

賣掃帚的人說：“我給你半個便士，如果不夠的話，請把我的鬍子還給我。”

　　英語搞笑冷笑話三：相親

After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

和盲約對象呆了一晚上後，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了個朋友給他打電話，這樣他就能借故先離開了。當他回到桌邊，他垂下眼睛，裝出一副陰沉的表情，說：“有個不幸的消息，我的祖父剛剛去世了。”“謝天謝地!”他的約會對象說，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了!”

　　英語搞笑冷笑話四：

What dog can jump higher than a building?

什麼狗比大樓跳的還高?

Anydog, buildings can't jump!

任何一隻狗，大樓又跳不起來。

　　英語搞笑冷笑話五：

Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.

老師：誰能回到我下一個問題，誰就可以回家了。

One boy throws his bag out the window.

一個小男孩把書包扔到窗外。

Teacher: who just threw that?!

老師：誰剛剛把書包扔出去了?

Boy: Me! I’m going home now.

男孩：我!我現在要回家了。

　　英語搞笑冷笑話六：

What has a head, a tail, and no body?

什麼有頭、有尾，但是沒有身體?

A coin!

硬幣。

　　英語搞笑冷笑話七：

What has one eye but cannot see?

什麼有一隻眼睛，卻看不見?

A needle.

針。

　　英語搞笑冷笑話八：

Wife: "How would you describe me?"

妻子：你會怎麼形容我呢?

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."

丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK.

Wife: "What does that mean?"

妻子：那是什麼意思?

Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."

丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可愛的、令人愉悅的、優雅的、時髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

妻子：哇，謝謝，但是“IJK”是什麼意思呢?

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

丈夫：開個玩笑!