十個人們不再遵守的禮儀(1)

With each passing decade, a handful of well-intentioned, but old-fashioned etiquette rules unceremoniously bite the dust. Seriously, when's the last time you questioned whether or not it's appropriate for an unmarried woman to have dinner unchaperoned in a man's apartment, lest she be "ruined" in the eyes of other potential suitors? Social conventions and the rules that govern them are often forced to roll with the times, whether we want them to or not.

每過十年，就有一小部分禮儀隨着時間的流逝消失在我們的視野中，儘管它們滿懷善意，可過時的禮儀終將被淘汰。說實在的，什麼時候纔是你最後一次問這樣的問題：一個未婚的女人單獨去一個男人的公寓吃飯合適嗎？會損害她在其他潛在追求者眼中的形象嗎？社會習俗和規範不會按照我們的意願而保留或是改變，而是隨着時間的流逝而變化。

Don't get me wrong — while certain etiquette standards have blessedly come and gone, I'm definitely not advocating for everyone to run wild. If anything, our times call for updated etiquette recommendations, starting with annoying smartphone habits (just try playing Words With Friends at my dinner table). The experts at The Emily Post Institute modernize the term "etiquette" to be less about chaperones and dinner fork placement and more about relationships. "To us, it means treating people with consideration, respect and honesty," the Post team explains. "It means being aware of how our actions affect those around us."

不要誤解我了，儘管一些禮儀標準出現又消失，我肯定不提倡人們沒有了禮儀的約束。如果有什麼區別的話，我們的時代提倡現代化的禮儀，首先提倡改掉因智能手機的出現而養成的“手機病”（如邊吃飯邊用手機和朋友聊天）。艾米莉·波斯特研究所（Emily Post Institute）的專家們重新定義了“禮儀”一詞，不再過於關注陪護以及餐叉擺放位置等繁文縟節，而是更多地強調了人際關係。“對我們來說，這個詞不僅意味着關心他人、尊重他人、誠實待人；還意味着要時刻關注我們的行爲如何影響周圍的人，”波斯特研究所人員如是說道。

Some of the outmoded etiquette conventions we're about to cover have been rightfully scrapped. Others could certainly do with a comeback. Here are 10 etiquette rules no one follows any more — but maybe some should.

對於我們要討論的過時禮儀，其中一些不合理的理應被遺棄，另一些必定會捲土歸來。以下是10個人們不再遵守的禮儀，但也有一些禮儀我們應當依然遵守。

ing Thank-you Notes

10.寫感謝信

Does e-mail have anything to do with the rapid decline in thank-you note sending? If I go to the trouble of selecting, wrapping, paying for and shipping a gift or check, the least the recipient can do is let me know he or she got it, via a short note of appreciation and the modest price of postage. "It's a lost art that parents teach their children to do hand-written thank-you notes," says Jill Kirchoff, of Kennesaw, Georgia. "Children have an entitled attitude these days, and an electronic thank-you is a lazy thank-you. Show some respect and appreciation for someone's kindness and thoughtfulness!"

電郵與手寫感謝信發送量的快速下降有關係嗎？如果我不辭辛苦地選取、包裝、付款郵寄禮物或支票，接受人至少應該做到，發一封簡短的感謝信，出便宜的郵費，告訴我他們收到了。“父母不再教孩子製作手寫的感謝信，這已經成爲一項丟失的手藝，”佐治亞州肯尼索市的吉爾·克希霍夫（Jill Kirchoff）說，“現在的孩子們帶有一種‘本應該’態度，電郵致謝是一種慵懶的感謝。應該親手寫一封感謝信，對別人的善意和體貼予以尊重和感激。”

Writing up a quick note of thanks is so easy and meaningful. Hallmark recommends the note be sent within one month of receiving the gift, and suggests including details about how you plan to use the item or money, in addition to sincere expressions of gratitude. Thirty or so words will likely gain you eternal favor among the manner-minded gift-givers of the world — and perhaps ensure you get another gift from them on your next birthday. But failure to dash off that note will probably land you a spot on their eternal "Do Not Gift" list. The choice is yours, my friends.

寫一封快速的感謝信很容易，也很有意義。霍爾馬克(Hallmark)推薦：感謝信要在收到禮物後的一個月內發出，除了表達真誠的感激之情，他還建議涵蓋你準備如何用這些東西和錢的詳情。30字左右的信便會讓你得到注重禮節的贈與者永遠的支持，或許還會確保你下次生日也能得到他們的禮物。但沒能發出感謝信可能會讓你出現在不該送禮物的名單上。朋友，這個選擇在於你。

ing an RSVP

9.回執邀請函

More than a decade has passed since my wonderful wedding and I still fight back the urge to invoice the dozen or so no-shows for the significant chunk of change their thoughtlessness cost us (none of them had a good excuse, in case you're wondering whether they got a flat tire or landed a date with Brad Pitt). Save for writing about it in this article, I chose long ago to take the high road on this breach of manners.

我的完美婚禮已經過去十幾年了，我仍然清楚地記得，一大堆缺席者因爲要處理自己的所謂重要的事而給我們造成的損失（他們都沒有好的藉口，你都不知道他們是遇上汽車爆胎還是跟布拉德·皮特有一場約會）。還是留着後文討論這件事吧，我早就決定要採取最積極的措施去改變這種違背禮儀的行爲。

Sadly, failure to RSVP is one of the most rampant etiquette issues that brides and other party-planners face today. "I plan events professionally all over the country, and it baffles me the number of people who RSVP that they'll attend, then just flat out not show up," says Jenny Dell, an event planner in the higher education field. She's hardly alone in this sentiment. "It's just a simple courtesy," explains Wendy Kiessel of Acworth, Georgia. "Even if it's just so a birthday-party-mom knows how many pizzas to order!"

可惜的是，不回覆邀請信這種違背禮儀的行爲日漸猖獗，這也是新娘和其他活動組織者最頭疼的事之一。“我面向全國承辦行業活動，最苦惱的就是很多人回覆說會參加，後來就找各種藉口不參加。”詹妮·戴爾（Jenny Dell），一個高等教育領域的活動策劃這樣說道。她並不是唯一有這種苦惱的人。“這就是一個簡單的禮節問題，”來自佐治亞州阿克沃思的溫迪·凱瑟爾(Wendy Kiessel)說，“即使一場生日聚會，也應該回復邀請函，這樣媽媽才知道定多少披薩合適。”

Manners expert Maralee McKee insists that guests should RSVP yes or no to a shindig within 24 hours of being invited. If they are unsure whether they can attend, they should still let the host know they got the invitation within 24 hours and mention there might be a date conflict. Guests should definitely not wait until after the RSVP date to reply, potentially causing the hostess to follow up with them. She's got enough on her plate.

禮儀專家瑪拉立·麥基（Maralee Mckee)提議：作爲客人，我們在收到盛大社交聚會邀請後的24小時內，應該回復能來還是不能來。 如果不確定自己能否參加，我們還是應該在24小時內讓主人知道自己收到了邀請，並提及可能會有日期衝突。我們一定不要等到敬請回復截止日期之後再回復，這樣可能會導致女主人繼續準備食物，屆時如果來不了，那勢必會導致食物過剩啦。

s About Wearing White

8.穿白色衣服的禁忌禮儀

Ever heard that you shouldn't wear white before Easter or after Labor Day? Although it may seem like it has something to do with keeping cooler in the summer, no one knows for sure where this fashion dictate originated. In any case, many people have long since waved off this practice, with designing icon Coco Chanel eschewing the "no white" rule as early as the 1920s

不知你是否聽說過勞動節過後和復活節前夕這段時間不能穿白色衣服（美國的勞動節在9月份）？這可能是爲了在夏天保持涼爽，然而實際上，並沒有人確切地瞭解這種時尚的清規戒律究竟從何而來。不過無論如何，如今很多人早已打消了這種做法，早在上世紀二十年代，可可香奈兒的圖標設計就已經避開了“不能有白色”的禁忌。

Another rule related to white was that second-time brides shouldn't go down the aisle in a white gown and veil. Although white has long been associated with virginity, its fashion origins are actually more about celebration, say the experts at The Knot. What better reason to celebrate than a second (or third!) shot at love? All brides should feel beautiful on their big day, whether it be in a gown of white, cream or hot pink. However, the veil should still be worn only at a first wedding, particularly the kind that covers your face.

另一條關於穿白色衣服的禁忌禮儀是：第二次結婚的新娘在婚禮時不能穿戴白色的禮服和麪紗。愛結網（The Knot——美國最受歡迎的婚禮服務媒介）的專家說過，雖然很長一段時間以來，人們都認爲白色代表貞潔，但實際上從時尚的起源看來，白色更多的是和慶祝相關。有什麼更好的理由來慶祝一個女人第二次（或者第三次）重獲愛情呢？那就是無論婚紗是白色、奶油色，還是亮粉色，所有的新娘都應該在她們人生中最重要的一天變得美美的。不過，面紗還是應該只在第一次婚禮的時候戴，尤其是那種遮住臉部的款式。

Another fashion faux pas was wearing bright colors after a certain age. "My great-grandmother used to say that only little girls and ladies of the evening wear red shoes," recounts Courtney Hood of Smyrna, Georgia. "She would be horrified if she looked in my closet."

另一件在時尚方面有失禮節的事就是，在上了一定年紀後還穿色彩鮮豔的衣服。來自佐治亞州士麥那市的考特尼·胡德（Courtney Hood）說：“以前我的曾祖母常說，只有小女孩和妓女才穿紅鞋子。要是她看到我的衣櫥，她一定會嚇壞的。”

審校:淺芷湄 編輯:Freya然