三十而立太晚了:爲什麼說二十幾歲纔是人生的關鍵(3)

BT: How can 20somethings reclaim their status as adults given all the cultural trends working against them?

BT：如何讓20多歲的年輕人在文化趨勢相悖的情況下，重新塑造他們的成年人身份形象呢？

MJ: Don't let culture trivialize your life and work and relationships. Don't hang out only with people who are drinking the 30-is-the-new-20 kool-aid. I cannot tell you how many emails I have received from 30somethings since The Defining Decade came out, ones in which the writer says something like, "I used to roll my eyes at my peers who were determined to meet benchmarks-graduate school, real relationships, decent-paying jobs that reflect their interests-on time or early. Now I'm envious and admiring of them. Now I'm working twice as hard for half the result." Don't shrug your shoulders and say, "I'm in my 20s. What I'm doing doesn't count." Recognize that what you do, and what you don't do, will have an enorMous impact across years and even generations. You're deciding your life right now.

MJ：別讓這些文化趨勢把你的生活、工作和情感變得無聊瑣碎。不和那些鼓吹“在新世紀30歲就等於從前的20歲”這類言論的人交朋友。當《決定性的十年》一書出版後，我收到過無數封來自30歲人的email，其中一封信中說道：“以前，我總是對那些努力完成計劃的人翻白眼。他們有的在準備讀研、有的準備結婚、有的想找自己感興趣同時又體面的工作……最終都及時甚至是超前地完成了他們的目標。而如今的我又嫉妒又佩服他們，只能用兩倍的努力，卻只能換來他們已擁有東西的一半。” 千萬別聳聳肩無所謂灑脫地說：“我才20出頭，做什麼都是徒勞。” 區分什麼該做、什麼不該做能對你的人生、甚至你後代的人生產生巨大的影響。你的人生，要由你自己決定。

BT: As a clinical psychologist, what advice do you have for coping with emotions like anxiety which inevitably arise during times of economic uncertainty?

BT：作爲一名臨牀心理學家，您對於處在當下經濟形勢不穩定的時刻，那些內心焦慮的年輕人有什麼建議？

MJ: Given that life and the brain change so much across our 20s, this is the perfect time to learn new coping strategies. It's not okay to go to work with scars on your arms from cutting, it's not acceptable to scream at friends when things go wrong, and live-in girlfriends get tired of seeing us stoned every night. These are the years to learn to calm yourself down. Gain some control over your emotions. Sure, there's Xanax, which a recent conference presenter I heard only half-jokingly called "Jack Daniels in a Pill." But practice calming techniques that can work over the long run: exercise, therapy, mindfulness, yoga, cognitive meditation, deep breathing, healthy distraction, dialectical behavior therapy. Use your rational mind to counter the anxious and catastrophic thoughts you have: "I probably won't be fired because I dropped one phone call." Try to create your own certainty by making healthy choices and commitments that off-set the upheaval in the world around.

MJ：人們的生活和想法從20歲開始會有很大的轉變，所以這正是最佳的學習應對困難的時刻。你要懂得，帶着紋身去上班是不對的，出現問題時對朋友大喊大叫是不可取的，同樣，也不要每天喝得酩酊大醉地回家——你的同居女友早就受夠了。要學會冷靜，學會控制情緒。雖然現在好像有種被戲稱爲“威士忌做成的鎮定劑”存在，叫Xanax，不過真正的長期情緒控制還得靠自己。你可以嘗試運動、治療、專注訓練、瑜伽、認知冥想、深呼吸、健康的分心、辨證行爲療法等。用理智來戰勝焦慮和不安的想法，比如：“我只是漏接了一個電話，並不會因此被炒魷魚的。” 在世界環境變化莫測的情況下，你要通過做出正確、有益的選擇，來給自己提供穩定。

BT: We loved this quote: "Claiming a career and getting a good job isn't the end, it's the beginning." Can you explain this a bit?

BT：我們很喜歡這句話：“擁有一項事業和開始一份好工作並不是結束，而只是開始。”您可以解釋一下這句話嗎？

MJ: Most 20somethings are terrified of being pinned down. They're afraid that if they choose a career or a job, they are closing off their other options and somehow their freedom will be gone and their lives will be over. In fact, getting a good job is the beginning. It's the beginning of not hating that question, "What do you do?" It's the beginning of having something on your resume that might help you get that next job you want even more. It's the beginning of not overdrawing your bank account because of a flat tire. It's the beginning of feeling like you could actually think about dating since your time isn't taken up working those three part-time jobs you have in order to avoid a "real job." Research shows that getting going in the work world is the beginning of feeling happier, more confident, competent, and emotionally stable in adulthood.

MJ：很多20出頭的年輕人特別害怕穩定下來。他們覺得，如果我選擇了一項事業、一份工作，那麼未來其他的可能性都被抹殺了、自由被剝奪、人生因此就這麼完了。事實上，找到一份好工作僅僅是開始罷了。它能讓你在被別人問到：“你是做什麼工作的？”時候不再覺得心虛、不爽。它能爲你的簡歷添上一筆，併爲你得到下一份更滿意的工作提供實質性的幫助。它幫你支付換輪胎的賬單，同時保證你不會因此而破產。它將你從沒工作時的三份兼職中解救出來，給你閒暇時間，從而提供能外出約會的可能性。研究顯示，有了真正工作的人更快樂，更自信，更能幹、情緒也更穩定。

BT: Can you discuss some of the current neurobiological research, and how that impacted your writing?

BT：能給我們解釋下最近相關的神經生物學研究嗎？以及，它們對你寫的書產生了什麼影響？

MJ: By now probably everyone has heard that the teen brain is not fully developed and that the frontal lobe-the part of the brain where we plan for the future and tackle questions that don't have black-and-white answers-does not reach full "maturity" until sometime during our 20s.

MJ：目前可能大家都知道這個事實——青少年的大腦並未發育完全，額葉（那個我們用來規劃生活、解決問題、以及應對一些懸而未決的事情的部分）還沒有完全成熟。到了20多歲才能真正算“發育成熟”。

Unfortunately, this fact about the late-maturing frontal lobe has been interpreted as a directive for 20somethings to wait around for their brains to grow up. The real take-home message about the still-developing 20something brain is that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the easiest time to change it. Is your 20something job, or hobby, making you smarter? Are your 20something relationships improving your personality or are they reinforcing old patterns and teaching bad habits?

然而不幸的是，這個事實被誤讀成“20歲的人還沒發育好，所以在成熟前我們可以整天無所事事了”。正確的理解應該是這個——無論你想把自己改造成什麼樣子，20多歲正是最佳的時機。捫心自問一下，你在20多歲時的工作或愛好，是否有讓你變得更聰明靈活？你這一時期的伴侶有沒有完善你的人格，抑或加重了你的壞習慣、甚至教會了你不好的東西？

What you do everyday is wiring you to be the adult you will be. That's one reason I love working with 20somethings: They are so darn easy to help because they-and their brains and their lives-can change so quickly and so profoundly.

你現在每天在做的事情，都會影響到你即將成爲的那個人。我喜歡處理20多歲的年輕人的問題，因爲：要幫助他們非常容易——他們的大腦和生活，可以如此迅速地轉換，並因此帶來良性鉅變。