三十而立太晚了:爲什麼說二十幾歲纔是人生的關鍵(1)

The best and worst part about being a twenty-something is that every decision you make can change the rest of your life. Once you're in your 30's or 40's, it gets harder and harder to reinvent yourself. In this Q&A with Dr. Meg Jay, the clinical psychologist explains why the twenties matter, and how to make the Most of them.

二十幾歲最大的優點（同時也是缺點）之處在於：任何一個決定都會改變你的一生。當你步入30、40歲，改造自己將變得越來越困難。在視頻分享網站《大思想）這篇和Meg Jay博士的訪談中，這位臨牀心理學家將向我們解釋爲什麼20歲是人生的關鍵，以及，我們將應該怎樣充分利用這段歲月。

Big Think: Why are the 20s so important?

Big Think（以下簡稱BT）：爲什麼說20多歲是人生的關鍵？

Dr. Meg Jay: Our 20s are the defining decade of adulthood. 80% of life's most defining moments take place by about age 35. 2/3 of lifetime wage growth happens during the first ten years of a career. More than half of Americans are married or are dating or living with their future partner by age 30. Personality can change more during our 20s than at any other decade in life. Female fertility peaks at 28. The brain caps off its last major growth spurt. When it comes to adult development, 30 is not the new 20. Even if you do nothing, not making choices is a choice all the same. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do.

Meg Jay醫生（以下簡稱MJ）：20多歲是決定成人軌跡的時刻。80%人生中最有決定性的時刻都會在35歲前出現。三分之二的加薪出現在職業生涯的頭十年。到了30歲，大於一半的美國人都已結婚、或約會、或正在和未來的婚姻對象同居。你的性格在20多歲時會比人生中任意十年中都要改變得更多。女性的生殖力在28歲達到巔峯。大腦功能會在此時達到最後的衝刺。至於成年的發展，30歲遠遠比不上20出頭的毛頭小子。即使你呆着什麼也不做，“不做任何選擇”其實也是種選擇。別因爲年輕時你的無知和懶惰而葬送一生。

BT: You write about several cases of recent grads who feel they're drowning or floundering around in the world waiting for something to happen. Has it always been this hard to thrive in early adulthood?

BT：你曾提到過幾個例子，關於剛畢業的學生們感到自己在世上被淹沒、被放任自流，被動地等待着好事發生。在成年初期的成長，一直都那麼難嗎？

MJ: No. There are 50 million 20somethings in the United States most of whom are living with a staggering, unprecedented amount of uncertainty. Many no idea what they will be doing, where they will be living, or who they will be with in 2 or 10 years. They don't know when they'll be happy or when they will be able to pay their bills. They wonder if they should be photographers or lawyers or event planners. They don't know whether they are a few dates or many years from a meaningful relationship. They worry about whether they will have families or whether their marriages will last. Most simply, they don't know whether their lives will work out and they don't know what to do. Uncertainty makes people anxious and distraction is the 21st-Century opiate of the masses. So too many 20somethings are tempted, and even encouraged, to just turn away and hope for the best. That's not the way to go.

MJ：不是的。美國有5千萬20歲出頭的年輕人，他們中的絕大部分正過着迷茫的生活，充滿空前的不確定性。很多人不知道自己將要做些什麼，會在哪裏定居，也不知道2到10年後會和誰共同生活。他們不知道自己能否過上幸福生活、也不知道未來的自己付不付得起賬單。他們爲自己該當一個攝影師、律師亦或是規劃師而舉棋不定。他們也不知道到底何時才能進入穩定的婚姻生活。他們擔心自己是否會孑然一身、或婚姻是否能天長地久。簡單地說，他們既懷疑人生又茫然不知所措。不確定性讓人們變得焦慮且注意力分散，這是二十一世紀的羣體鴉片。於是，許多二十出頭的年輕人被它所迷惑甚至蠱惑着去逃避現實，順其自然。但這可不是個好辦法。

BT: One of the main themes in the book is the line between thinking and doing. You argue that it's more important to just do something than to waste years dreaming up the perfect path. How can 20-somethings to put this idea into action?

BT：書中的主題之一是“想法和行動之間的界限”。您談到“與其浪費生命在做白日夢上，不如直接去做點兒什麼”。20多歲的青年們怎麼才能做到這點？

MJ: One of my favorite quotes is by American Psychologist Sheldon Kopp: "The unlived life isn't worth examining." Too many 20somethings have been led to believe that their 20s are for thinking about what they want to do and their 30s are for getting going on real life. But there is a big difference between having a life in your 30s and starting a life in your 30s. If you want to be more intentional at work and in love, try working in a field you're curious about. Try dating someone who is different from that last person who turned out to be a disaster, and try conducting yourself a bit differently while you're at it. Sure the 20s are for experimenting, but not just with philosophies and vacations and substances. The 20s are your best chance to experiment with jobs and relationships. Then each move can be more intentional and more informed than the last.

MJ：我很喜歡美國心理學家Sheldon Kopp的一句話：“平淡的人生不值得審視”。有太多年輕人被誤導着去相信：“20歲是用來思考自己想幹嘛的，而30歲纔是真正步入生活的時候”。如果你想更積極地去工作，去愛，選擇一個你感興趣的領域，然後開始工作吧。試着和上一個給你帶來慘痛回憶截然不同的對象約會，並時刻提醒自己要開始轉變。誠然，20多歲正是體驗的時候，但光憑哲思般的空想、度假和物質滿足可不行。20多歲是體驗不同工作和感情生活的最好時機。你所做的每一步，都應該比上一次更具目的性、更富遠見。