經典爆笑英語長笑話大全
笑話是內容豐富並具有出乎意料結尾的幽默口頭故事。笑話幾乎涵蓋人們生活的所有領域,其中包括政治笑話、經濟笑話、家庭生活笑話、關於民族性格的笑話等。 下面是本站小編帶來的經典爆笑英語長笑話，歡迎閱讀!
NO Sweat!
不費吹灰之力!
There were four passengers in the small aircraft as it sputtered over the Andes; abusinessman, an inventor, a priest and a laid -back budget traveller.
一架正飛越安第斯山脈的小飛機上坐着四名乘客：一名商人，一名發明家，一位神父和一個靠預算過日子、看起來懶懶散散的旅行者。
Suddenly the pilot entered the cabin and told them the horrible news: "Gentlemen, the plane isgoing down. I'm going to try to crash-land it, but you must all jump. "
突然，駕駛員走進艙告訴他們可怕的消息：“各位先生，這架飛機正失控下降中，我要設法迫降，但你們必須先跳下飛機。”
Naturally, the men were horrified and even more so when they discovered that there were onlythree parachutes.
當然，那幾個人都嚇得目瞪口呆，尤其是當他們發現只有三個降落傘可以使用時，更是心驚膽戰。
The businessman said, "Sirs, I employ thousands of people. Their lives and those of theirfamilies depend on me. I think you'll agree that I must survive. " He promptly put on aparachute and leaped.
那名商人說道：“各位先生，我僱用好幾千名員工，他們都要靠我養家活口，我想你們都同意我必須活着回去。”說着他便穿上一具降落傘跳出飛機去。
The inventor rose, already adjusting the straps. "I'm the smartest man in the world. Myinventions have transformed the lives of millions. There’s no telling how much good I may yetdo. Goodbye. " And he, too, jumped from the plane.
接着發明家站了起來，調整了肩帶說道：“我是世界上最聰明的人，我的發明改變了成千上萬人的生活。我還會對大衆造多少福難以估計。再見了，各位!”他也跟着跳出機艙。
The priest was , and interrupted his prayers to speak to the traveller. "I am a rnan ofGod, my son; I have no fear of death. Take the last parachute and save your life. "
神父心平氣和，中斷禱告，對旅行者說道：“小夥子，我是信奉上帝的人，我對死並不畏懼，剩下的降落傘你就拿去用，逃命去吧!”
"Hey, it,s cool, Father. There’ re still two parachutes left. The smartest man in tne world justjumped out of the plane wearing my backpack. "
“嘿，神父，真是太棒了!我們還有兩個降落傘。那個自稱世界上最聰明的人背了我的揹包跳出去了。”
經典爆笑英語長笑話篇二Change of Plan
臨時改變主意
Frank and Fred had received their draft notices on the same day, and neither wanted to enterthe army.
法蘭克和佛烈德兩人同一天收到召集令，兩人都不想去服兵役。
But Frank had heard that the army would not accept anyone without teeth, so they both had alltheir teeth pulled.
但法蘭克曾經聽人說軍中不收沒有牙齒的人，因此他們兩人都把所有的牙齒給拔掉了。
On the day of their medical exam, Frank and Fred got in line, but a huge, hairy, smelly truckdriver cut in between them.
在體格檢查那天，他們兩人排在同一排隊伍，可是有一個大塊頭、滿身毛髮而且臭味難當的卡車司機插在他們中間。
As Frank got up to the head of the line, he announced to the inspecting sergeant that he hadno teeth.
當法蘭克排到隊伍的前頭時，他對檢查的班長說他沒有牙齒，
The sergeant had Frank open his mouth, ran his forefinger over the raw gums and said,
那名士官要他張開嘴巴，接着用食指在他紅腫的牙齦繞了一圈後說道：
"Sure enough, you don’t. You’re rejected. "
“沒錯，你沒牙齒，不用當兵!”
Turning to the truck driver, he asked, 'What's your problem?"
接着輪到卡車司機，士官說：“你有什麼問題嗎?”
The trucker said, "I've got a tremendous case of the piles."
卡車司機說道：“我患有嚴重的痔瘡。”
The sergeant had the fellow bend over, inserted his fore finger and rotated it aroundthoroughly,
班長要那個傢伙彎下身去，用他的食指在肛門轉了一整圈後說道：
"Sure enough, you've got a bad case. Rejected!"
“沒錯，你的情形很嚴重，不合格!”
Turning to Fred, the sergeant demanded, "And what's your problem?"
再輪到佛烈德時，班長又問：“那你的問題是什麼?”
Staring at the forefinger, Fred replied, "Nothing at all, sergeant, nothing at all. "
凝視着他的食指，佛烈德答道：“沒什麼問題，班長，我一點問題也沒有。”
經典爆笑英語長笑話篇三Keep Your Head
頭腦要保持冷靜!
A young man was working in the produce section of a grocery store when a customer askedhim for half a head of cabbage.
有一個年輕人在一家雜貨店的農產部門工作，一天一位顧客要向他買半顆包心菜。
"Sir, we don't sell half heads of anything. "
“先生，我們東西都沒有賣半顆的。”
"Well, I insist, I 0nly want half a head. "
“哎呀，我就買半顆，我只要半顆。”
"I'll ask the manager. "
“我要問問經理才行。”
The young man walked to the manager's office and, not realizing that the customer hadfollowed him, said to the manager,
那名年輕人走到經理的辦公室，不知道那位顧客尾隨着他，他對經理說道：
"Sir, some asshole wants to buy just half a head of cabbage. "
“經理，有個渾蛋只要買半顆包心菜。”
Turning and noticing the customer, he quickly added,
他轉身發現那名顧客，立刻又補充說：
"And this gentleman wants the other half. "
“而這位先生要買另一半。”
Later, the manager took the young man aside and said,
稍後，經理把他拉到一旁說道：
"That was quick thinking, young fellow. We can use bright lads like you. If I hear of a higherposition opening up, I'll keep you in mind. "
“年輕人，你反應真快。我們需要像你這麼聰明的人，如果有較高的職位空缺，我會記得你的。”
Sure enough, a few weeks later the manager told the young man that an assistant manager'sspot had become vacant in the company's store in Edmonton.
幾個星期之後，經理告訴那名年輕人在艾得蒙敦分店有個經理的職位空缺。
"Edmonton!" blurted out the young man. "Why, there's nothing in Edmonton but hookers andhockey, event hockey players，
“艾得蒙敦!”年輕人叫了出來，“那兒有的只是妓女和曲棍球選手而已。”
"Young man , my wife happens to come from Edmonton! "
“年輕人，我太太剛好來自艾得蒙敦!”
"No kidding, sir? what posltion does she play?"
“真的嗎?經理，那她是打哪一個位置呢?”
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