狄更斯雙語小說:《董貝父子》第23章Part 5

But there was one thought, scarcely shaped out to herself, yet fervent and strong within her, that upheld Florence when she strove and filled her true young heart, so sorely tried, with constancy of purpose. Into her mind, as 'into all others contending with the great affliction of our mortal nature, there had stolen solemn wonderings and hopes, arising in the dim world beyond the present life, and murmuring, like faint music, of recognition in the far-off land between her brother and her mother: of some present consciousness in both of her: some love and commiseration for her: and some knowledge of her as she went her way upon the earth. It was a soothing consolation to Florence to give shelter to these thoughts, until one day - it was soon after she had last seen her father in his own room, late at night - the fancy came upon her, that, in weeping for his alienated heart, she might stir the spirits of the dead against him' Wild, weak, childish, as it may have been to think so, and to tremble at the half-formed thought, it was the impulse of her loving nature; and from that hour Florence strove against the cruel wound in her breast, and tried to think of him whose hand had made it, only with hope.

Her father did not know - she held to it from that time - how much she loved him. She was very young, and had no mother, and had never learned, by some fault or misfortune, how to express to him that she loved him. She would be patient, and would try to gain that art in time, and win him to a better knowledge of his only child.

This became the purpose of her life. The morning sun shone down upon the faded house, and found the resolution bright and fresh within the bosom of its solitary mistress, Through all the duties of the day, it animated her; for Florence hoped that the more she knew, and the more accomplished she became, the more glad he would be when he came to know and like her. Sometimes she wondered, with a swelling heart and rising tear, whether she was proficient enough in anything to surprise him when they should become companions. Sometimes she tried to think if there were any kind of knowledge that would bespeak his interest more readily than another. Always: at her books, her music, and her work: in her morning walks, and in her nightly prayers: she had her engrossing aim in view. Strange study for a child, to learn the road to a hard parent's heart!

可是有一個思想支持着弗洛倫斯進行奮鬥；這個思想她自己雖然未必清楚，但在她內心中卻是火熱的和強烈的；這個思想使她那顆忠實的、年輕的、經受了殘酷考驗的心能夠堅韌不拔地去追求她的目的。在現世生活以外的朦朧的世界中所生起的神聖的疑慮與希望，悄悄地潛入她的心中，就像潛入其他所有難免一死、因而極爲苦惱的人們的心中一樣，它們像聲音輕微的音樂一樣，低聲訴說着她的母親和弟弟怎樣在遙遠的異國中會晤；他們兩人現在還想念着她，還在愛着她，憐憫着她，知道她在這塵世中怎樣走着路。對弗洛倫斯來說，陶醉在這些思想之中是能夠減輕痛苦的安慰，但是有一天她心中忽然想起——這是她最近深夜在她父親房間中看到他以後不久產生的想法——，當她爲他的那顆對她疏遠冷淡的心而悲傷哭泣的時候，她可能會激起死者的幽靈來反對他。也許這樣想和在這種部分形成的思想前顫抖是孩子氣的，可是這是她的富於愛情的天性的自然流露；從那時候起，弗洛倫斯就努力去治療她胸中這殘酷的創傷；並只是懷着希望去想那位由他的手造成這創傷的人。

她的父親並不知道她是多麼愛他，——從那時候起她深信這一點。——她很年輕，沒有母親，而且，或許是由於她的過失，或許是由於她的不幸，又從來不懂得怎樣向他表明她愛他。她將會有耐性，設法遲早掌握這個本領，使他更好地瞭解他的僅有的孩子。

這就成了她生活的目的。朝陽照射到這座失去光澤的公館時，發現它的孤獨的女主人胸中的決心跟先前一樣堅定，絲毫也不減弱。這個決心鼓舞着她去從事一天的工作與學習，因爲弗洛倫斯希望：當他以後瞭解她、喜歡她的時候，她的知識愈淵博，才藝愈高超，他就會愈高興。有時她懷着憂愁的心情，噙着汪汪的淚水，懷疑當他們以後能夠親密無間的時候，她是不是在什麼方面的造詣已經高深得足以使他吃驚。有時她用心思索，是不是有哪一門知識能比別的知識更能引起他的興趣。當她念書、彈琴、唱歌和做針線活的時候，當她早晨散步和晚間祈禱的時候，她總是時時刻刻在面前看到她的這個具有非常吸引力的目的。一個孩子在探索通向一位嚴酷的父親的心的道路，這真是一項奇怪的研究啊！