狄更斯雙語小說:《董貝父子》第54章Part3
'I say,' he at length repeated, putting down the lamp, and smiling his most courtly smile, 'how strange to come here alone! It was unnecessarty caution surely, and might have defeated itself. You were to have engaged an attendant at Havre or Rouen, and have had abundance of time for the purpose, though you had been the most capricious and difficult (as you are the most beautiful, my love) of women.'
Her eyes gleamed strangely on him, but she stood with her hand resting on the chair, and said not a word.
'I have never,' resumed Carker, 'seen you look so handsome, as you do to-night. Even the picture I have carried in my mind during this cruel probation, and which I have contemplated night and day, is exceeded by the reality.'
Not a word. Not a look Her eyes completely hidden by their drooping lashes, but her head held up.
'Hard, unrelenting terms they were!' said Carker, with a smile, 'but they are all fulfilled and passed, and make the present more delicious and more safe. Sicily shall be the Place of our retreat. In the idlest and easiest part of the world, my soul, we'll both seek compensation for old slavery.'
He was coming gaily towards her, when, in an instant, she caught the knife up from the table, and started one pace back.
'Stand still!' she said, 'or I shall murder you!'
The sudden change in her, the towering fury and intense abhorrence sparkling in her eyes and lighting up her brow, made him stop as if a fire had stopped him.
'Stand still!' she said, 'come no nearer me, upon your life!'
They both stood looking at each other. Rage and astonishment were in his face, but he controlled them, and said lightly,
'Come, come! Tush, we are alone, and out of everybody's sight and hearing. Do you think to frighten me with these tricks of virtue?'
'Do you think to frighten me,' she answered fiercely, 'from any purpose that I have, and any course I am resolved upon, by reminding me of the solitude of this place, and there being no help near? Me, who am here alone, designedly? If I feared you, should I not have avoided you? If I feared you, should I be here, in the dead of night, telling you to your face what I am going to tell?'
'And what is that,' he said, 'you handsome shrew? Handsomer so, than any other woman in her best humour?'
'I tell you nothing,' she returned, until you go back to that chair - except this, once again - Don't come near me! Not a step nearer. I tell you, if you do, as Heaven sees us, I shall murder you!'
'Do you mistake me for your husband?' he retorted, with a grin.
Disdaining to reply, she stretched her arm out, pointing to the chair. He bit his lip, frowned, laughed, and sat down in it, with a baffled, irresolute, impatient air, he was unable to conceal; and biting his nail nervously, and looking at her sideways, with bitter discomfiture, even while he feigned to be amused by her caprice.
She put the knife down upon the table, and touching her bosom wIth her hand, said:
'I have something lying here that is no love trinket, and sooner than endure your touch once more, I would use it on you - and you know it, while I speak - with less reluctance than I would on any other creeping thing that lives.'
He affected to laugh jestingly, and entreated her to act her play out quickly, for the supper was growing cold. But the secret look with which he regarded her, was more sullen and lowering, and he struck his foot once upon the floor with a muttered oath.
'How many times,' said Edith, bending her darkest glance upon him' 'has your bold knavery assailed me with outrage and insult? How many times in your smooth manner, and mocking words and looks, have I been twitted with my courtship and my marriage? How many times have you laid bare my wound of love for that sweet, injured girl and lacerated it? How often have you fanned the fire on which, for two years, I have writhed; and tempted me to take a desperate revenge, when it has most tortured me?'
'I have no doubt, Ma'am,' he replied, 'that you have kept a good account, and that it's pretty accurate. Come, Edith. To your husband, poor wretch, this was well enough - '
'Why, if,' she said, surveying him with a haughty contempt and disgust, that he shrunk under, let him brave it as he would, 'if all my other reasons for despising him could have been blown away like feathers, his having you for his counsellor and favourite, would have almost been enough to hold their place.'
'Is that a reason why you have run away with me?' he asked her, tauntingly.
'Yes, and why we are face to face for the last time. Wretch! We meet tonight, and part tonight. For not one moment after I have ceased to speak, will I stay here!'
He turned upon her with his ugliest look, and gripped the table with his hand; but neither rose, nor otherwise answered or threatened her.
'I am a woman,' she said, confronting him steadfastly, 'who from her childhood has been shamed and steeled. I have been offered and rejected, put up and appraised, until my very soul has sickened. I have not had an accomplishment or grace that might have been a resource to me, but it has been paraded and vended to enhance my value, as if the common crier had called it through the streets. My poor, proud friends, have looked on and approved; and every tie between us has been deadened in my breast. There is not one of them for whom I care, as I could care for a pet dog. I stand alone in the world, remembering well what a hollow world it has been to me, and what a hollow part of it I have been myself. You know this, and you know that my fame with it is worthless to me.'
'Yes; I imagined that,' he said.
她的聲調十分刺耳，頭轉得十分猛烈，態度拒人於千里之外，眉毛陰沉地皺着，因此他手裏拿着燈，站在那裏望着她，彷彿她已使他無法動彈了。
“我說真奇怪，您怎麼一個人到這裏來！”他終於重複說道，一邊把燈放下，露出他那極爲諂媚的微笑，”確實，這是不必要的謹慎，並可能敗壞事情。您應當在阿弗爾或魯昂僱用一個侍女；您有充分的時間來做這件事，雖然您是個最反覆無常、最難侍候的女人，不過也是最漂亮的，我親愛的。”
她的眼睛向他奇怪地閃了一眼，但是她的手擱在椅子上並站在那裏，沒有說一個字。
“我從來沒有看到您像今天夜裏這麼漂亮，”卡克先生重新說下去，”甚至在這最令人痛苦的考驗中我保存在記憶中、日日夜夜思念着的形象也被真正的實體超過了。”
她沒有說一個字，也沒有向他看一眼。她的眼睛已完全被垂下的眼睫毛遮蓋住了，但是她的頭高昂着。
“考驗的條件是多麼艱難，多麼嚴酷無情啊！”卡克微笑了一下，說道，”可是它們全都得到滿足，並全都已經過去了，這使得現在更加美妙，更加安全。西西里③將是我們最後的避難處。在世界上這個最寧靜、最安逸的地方，我的心靈兒，我們倆將爲過去所受的奴役尋求補償。”
他快快活活地向她走來，可是她突然從桌子上拿起一把餐刀，向後退了一步。
“站住別動！”她喊道，”要不然我就殺死你！”
她突然發生的這個變化，她眼睛中閃射出的和在臉上表露出的極大的憤怒與強烈的憎惡使他站住，就彷彿一團火在他面前燃燒一樣。
“站住別動！”她喊道，”別走近我，如果你還想活命的話！”
他們兩人站住，相互看着。他的臉上露出憤怒與驚奇的表情，但是他控制着它們，並隨便地說道：
“得了，得了！啐！這裏就只我們兩個人，誰也看不見我們，誰也聽不見我們。難道您還要假裝正經，要這種花招來嚇唬我嗎？”
“難道你以爲向我提醒這個地方偏僻冷靜、不能向近處求助，就可以嚇唬我，使我放棄我的目的，離開我決心要走的道路嗎？我是故意一個人在這裏的，你能嚇唬得了嗎？如果我害怕你的話，那麼難道我會不設法避開你嗎？如果我害怕你的話，那麼難道我會深更半夜在這裏把我打算跟你說的話當面說給你聽嗎？”
“你打算說什麼呢，你這個漂亮的潑婦？”他說道，”其他的女人在情緒最好的時候也不及你漂亮呢。”
“除非你回去坐到那張椅子裏，否則我就什麼也不跟你說，”她回答道，”要不我就再跟你說一遍：別走近我！走近一步也不行。我告訴你，如果你走近的話，那麼我就當着老天爺的面殺死你！”
“你是不是把我錯當成你的丈夫了？”他冷笑了一聲，反問道。
她不屑回答，只是伸出胳膊，指着那張椅子。他咬着嘴脣，皺着眉頭，大笑着，在那張椅子上坐下，設法掩藏他那副遭受挫折、遲疑不決和不耐煩的神態；雖然他假裝出對她的反覆無常感到開心的樣子，但他卻緊張不安地咬着指甲，斜眼看着她，心情痛苦，狼狽不堪。
她把餐刀放到桌子上，用手按着胸膛，說道：
“我在這裏藏着一個東西，它並不是愛情的玩意兒。我不容忍你再次接觸我，否則我就毫不遲疑地用它來對付你，比對付其他任何爬行動物都更樂意。--我現在說話的時候，你知道它是什麼了。”
他假裝開玩笑地哈哈大笑，請求她把這出喜劇趕快演完，因爲晚飯已漸漸冷了。但是他卻又繃着臉，皺着眉頭，更加鬱鬱不樂地偷偷看着她，並且小聲咒罵了一聲，在地板上跺了一下腳。
“你曾經多少次以你那厚顏無恥的流氓行爲對我進行迫害與侮辱，”伊迪絲用極爲深沉的眼光看着他，說道，”你曾經多少次用你那圓滑的態度和嘲弄的話語與神色來諷刺我的訂婚與結婚？你曾經多少次把我對那位可愛的、受害的女孩子的愛的創傷暴露出來，並劃破它？你曾經多麼經常地煽旺了我在這兩年間被煎熬的火焰，使我痛苦得身子翻來轉去？在我感到最痛苦的時刻，你又怎樣唆使我進行不顧死活的報復？”
“我毫不懷疑，夫人，你記了一筆好帳，帳目是相當精確的。”他回答道，”得了，伊迪絲。這對你的丈夫，那個可憐的傢伙，倒是很合適的。”
“唔，”她說道，一邊高傲地懷着輕蔑與厭惡的情緒觀察着他；不論他想怎樣鼓起勇氣抵擋它，他還是不由自主地蜷縮着身子；”如果說，我鄙視他的其他各種原因都可以像羽毛似地被吹走的話，那麼他們你當作謀士和親信這個原因幾乎就足夠抵得上其他所有原因，使我毫不改變地鄙視他。”
“這就是你跟我逃跑的原因嗎？”他嘲笑地反問道。
“是的，這也就是我們爲什麼最後一次面對面在一起的原因。卑鄙的人！我們今天夜裏見面，今天夜裏分離。因爲我把話說完之後，不會在這裏再待一秒鐘！”
他面目猙獰地看着她，用手緊緊抓住桌子，但沒有站起來，也沒有回答她或威脅她。
“我是個從童年時代就受到羞辱並得到鍛鍊的女人。”她堅定地面對着他，說道，”我曾經被標價出賣，並遭到拒絕；我曾經被陳列出來拍賣，讓人們估價，直到我內心深感厭惡爲止。我的才能與技藝，本可成爲我的娛樂，可是沒有一件不被拿到市場上去炫示、販賣，以增加我的身價，就像叫賣的人沿街大聲叫賣一樣。我的貧窮的、高傲的朋友們前來觀看並進行讚揚；我們之間所有的紐帶在我胸中都已斷裂了。他們當中沒有一個人我能像我關心一條我所喜愛的狗那樣關心他。我在這世界上孤獨一人，並很清楚地記住這世界對我是多麼虛僞，而我本人又是它的多麼虛僞的一部分。你知道這一點，你也知道我在社會上的名譽對我毫無價值。”
“是的，我猜想是這樣，”他說道。
