經典科幻文學:《宇宙盡頭的餐館》第32章2

The crowd swivelled round.
“Ah my dear fellow,” called out the Captain, “Got any matches on you? Or a lighter? Anything like that?”
“No,” said Ford, sounding a little deflated. It wasn’t what he’d prepared. He decided he’d better be a little stronger on the subject.
“No I haven’t,” he continued, “No matches. Instead I bring you news…”
“Pity,” said the Captain, “We’ve all run out you see. Haven’t had a hot bath in weeks.”
Ford refused to be headed off.
“I bring you news,” he said, “of a discovery that might interest you.”
“Is it on the agenda?” snapped the man whom Ford had interrupted.
Ford smiled a broad country-rock singer smile.
“Now, come on,” he said.
“Well I’m sorry,” said the man huffily, “but speaking as a management consultant of many years’ standing, I must insist on the importance of observing the committee structure.”
Ford looked round the crowd.
“He’s mad you know,” he said, “this is a prehistoric planet.”
“Address the chair!” snapped the management consultant.
“There isn’t chair,” explained Ford, “there’s only a rock.”
The management consultant decided that testiness was what the situation now called for.
“Well, call it a chair,” he said testily.
“Why not call it a rock?” asked Ford.
“You obviously have no conception,” said the management consultant, not abandoning testiness in favour of good old fashioned hauteur, “of modern business methods.”
“And you have no conception of where you are,” said Ford.
A girl with a strident voice leapt to her feet and used it.
“Shut up, you two,” she said, “I want to table a motion.”
“You mean boulder a motion,” tittered a hairdresser.
“Order, order!” yapped the management consultant.

人羣轉過身來。
“哦，我親愛的夥計，”艦長大聲說道，“你身上帶着火柴嗎，或者是打火機－－任何這一類的東西！”
“沒有。”福特說，聽起來有點兒泄氣。這番開場白跟他準備的出人太大，他決定自己在這個問題上晟好再強硬一點。
“沒有，我沒帶。”他繼續說道，“沒有火柴。不過我給你們帶來了新聞……”
“真遺憾，”艦長說，“我們的都用完了。你瞧，好幾個星期沒洗熱水澡了。”
福特沒理會他的插話。
“我給你們帶來了新聞，”他說，“是一項發現，你們也許會感興趣。”
“它列在議程上嗎？”被福特打斷的那個人厲聲說道。
福特完全像一個鄉村搖滾歌手那樣笑了笑。
”現在加進去，不就行了！”他說。
“哦，很抱歉，”那人怒氣衝衝地說，“但身爲一個從業多年的管理諮詢顧問，我必須提請大家注意委員會章程的重要性。”
福特環顧人羣。
“他生氣了，但大家要知道，”他說，“我們正身處一顆史前行星上。”
“請先轉向主席臺，請求發言！”那個管理諮詢顧問又厲聲說道。
“這裏沒有主席臺，”福特解釋說，“只有一塊石頭。”
管理諮詢顧問認定，這種的情況下需要來點兒暴躁的
“稱它爲主席臺！”他粗暴地說。
“爲什麼不稱它爲石頭呢？”福特問。
“對於現代商業{去則，”管理諮詢顧問說，現在他放棄了粗暴，轉爲那種舊式的傲慢，“你顯然毫無概念。”
“而你，對於目前身處何方纔是毫無概念。”福特說。
一個聲音刺耳的女孩跳了出來。
“閉嘴吧，你們兩個。”她說，“我想提出一項動議。”
“你是說形成一項動議。”一個美髮師竊笑着說。
“提交，提交！”管理諮詢顧問大聲叫道。