經典科幻文學:《 基本上無害 Mostly Harmless》 第11章1

The first thing Arthur Dent had to do, he realised resignedly, was to get himself a life. This meant he had to find a planet he could have one on. It had to be a planet he could breathe on, where he could stand up and sit down without experiencing gravitational discomfort. It had to be somewhere where the acid levels were low and the plants didn’t actually attack you.

阿瑟.鄧特必須要乾的第一件事，他無可奈何地承認，就是給自己找個生活。這就意味着他必須找個能在上頭生活的星球。在那個星球上，大氣必須足夠供他呼吸，酸度也得低些；他要可以隨便起立，坐下，而不會遇上重力方面的困擾。另外，植物最好別對他發動攻擊。

‘I hate to be anthropic about this,’ he said to the strange thing behind the desk at the Resettlement Advice Centre on Pintleton Alpha, ‘but I’d quite like to live somewhere where the people look vaguely like me as well. You know. Sort of human.’

“我不想老說什麼人類學。”他來到品脫理敦.阿爾法的再定居諮詢中心，對桌子後邊那個古怪的東西說，“不過我真的希望那兒的居民跟我自己有些相似。你知道。像人那樣。”

The strange thing behind the desk waved some of its stranger bits around and seemed rather taken aback by this. It oozed and glopped off its seat, thrashed its way slowly across the floor, ingested the old metal filing cabinet and then, with a great belch, excreted the appropriate drawer. It popped out a couple of glistening tentacles from its ear, removed some files from the drawer, sucked the drawer back in and vomited up the cabinet again. It thrashed its way back across the floor, slimed its way back up on to the seat and slapped the files on the table.

桌後的那個怪東西揮舞着自己長的那些個怪部件，彷彿被阿瑟的要求嚇了一跳。它從椅子上咕咚咕咚地溜下來，慢吞吞，挺費勁地吧嗒着到另外一邊，把老舊的金屬文件櫃嚥下去，然後，隨着一個大飽嗝，吐出存着相關信息的抽屜。他的耳朵裏突然伸出幾根閃閃發光的觸手，從抽屜裏取出幾份文件，把抽屜塞進嘴裏然後再把文件櫃嘔了出來。它吧嗒着回桌子跟前，黏糊糊地貼上座位，把文件拍在桌上。

‘See anything you fancy?’ it asked.

“有你喜歡的嗎？”它問。

Arthur looked nervously through some grubby and damp pieces of paper. He was definitely in some backwater part of the Galaxy here, and somewhere off to the left as far as the universe he knew and recognised was concerned. In the space where his own home should have been there was a rotten hick planet, drowned with rain and inhabited by thugs and boghogs. Even The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy seemed to work only fitfully here, which was why he was reduced to making these sorts of enquiries in these sorts of places. One place he always asked after was Stavromula Beta, but no one had ever heard of such a planet.

阿瑟憂心忡忡地翻開這些潮溼邋遢的紙。他顯然是來到了銀河系的偏遠山區，而且，跟他熟識的那個宇宙相比，明顯過於偏左。在原本應該是他家的地方只有一個臭烘烘地土包子行星，整年泡在雨水裏，被蟲子和澤豬霸佔着。就連《銀河系漫遊指南》在這兒也搞得好像中了風，所以他纔不得不跑到這種地方來問這種問題。在一個地方阿瑟每次都會提到，斯達弗洛穆拉貝塔，可從沒人聽說過這麼一個星球。

The available worlds looked pretty grim. They had little to offer him because he had little to offer them. He had been extremely chastened to realise that although he originally came from a world which had cars and computers and ballet and armagnac he didn’t, by himself, know how any of it worked. He couldn’t do it. Left to his own devices he couldn’t build a toaster. He could just about make a sandwich and that was it. There was not a lot of demand for his services.

可供選擇的星球看起來都有些倒胃口。人家沒什麼可給他的，因爲他自己就沒什麼可給人家的。阿瑟意識到，儘管自己生在一個擁有汽車，電腦，巴黎和阿馬涅克白蘭地的星球，可他本人並不知道這些東西是怎麼回事。他幹不了。要讓他自己想辦法的話他的確造不出烤麪包機，至多隻能做個三明治，而且也就到此爲止了，還真沒多少星球會需要他的服務。認識到這一點之後，阿瑟更加謙卑了些。

Arthur’s heart sank. This surprised him, because he thought it was already about as low as it could possibly be. He closed his eyes for a moment. He so much wanted to be home. He so much wanted his own home world, the actual Earth he had grown up on, not to have been demolished. He so much wanted none of this to have happened. He so much wanted that when he opened his eyes again he would be standing on the doorstep of his little cottage in the west country of England, that the sun would be shining over the green hills, the post van would be going up the lane, the daffodils would be blooming in his garden, and in the distance the pub would be opening for lunch. He so much wanted to take the newspaper down to the pub and read it over a pint of bitter. He so much wanted to do the crossword. He so much wanted to be able to get completely stuck on 17 across.

他的心沉了下去，這讓他吃驚，因爲他原以爲它的節奏已經慢到極點，再沒有下降的空間了。他閉了會眼睛。他真希望能回家。他真希望自己原來的世界——他長大的那個真正的地球——沒被人家抹掉。他真希望這一切都沒有發生。他真希望等他再次睜開眼睛的時候，他會發現自己站在英格蘭西南部的那個小村子裏，站在自家小屋門前的階梯上，希望看見太陽照耀着綠色的小山，看見郵車爬上下路，水仙花在他的花園裏綻放，遠處的酒吧開門賣午餐。他真希望能買份報紙去酒吧，來杯苦啤酒邊喝邊看報。他真希望能再做一回報上的填字遊戲。他真希望能又在做到橫排第十七個字的時候搞的一頭霧水再也做不下去。

He opened his eyes.

他睜開眼睛。