7個跡象顯示，你與老闆太親近了

strong relationships with colleagues can improve your work life. But if you’re overly close with a superior ― namely, your boss― the bond could actually do more harm than good, according to psychologist and executive coach Kate Snowise.

良好的同事關係有助於你的工作生活。但要是你與上級的關係太親近——也就是，與你的老闆的關係——這種關係可能會弊大於利，心理學家間與高管教練凱特·斯諾維斯如是解釋。

“It is great to have personal relationships at work, and research demonstrates that having a close friend at work is one of the greatest contributors to job satisfaction, but things can get weird if this person is your boss, due to the potential power they have with your career,” she told HuffPost.

“能夠在工作中建立人際關係是很好的事情，並且也有研究顯示在工作上有一位親近的朋友，對於提升職業滿意度有很大的作用，但是如果那個人是你的老闆的話，事情就變得很奇怪了，因爲那會涉及到他們對你的職業生涯所起到的潛在影響，”她給《赫芬頓郵報》解釋道。

We asked experts to share the telltale signs that the relationship with your boss has ventured into unhealthy or inappropriate territory.

本網站詢問了許多專家，請他們爲我們分享一些很明顯的警告標誌，預示着你與老闆的關係會慢慢陷入不健康或危險的境地。

1. You stop receiving constructive feedback about your work performance.

1. 你再也接收不到關於你工作表現的建設性反饋。

“There is a fine line between being a boss and a friend, and being a boss requires sometimes having the hard conversations. If you’re getting too close to your boss, you may have found that you haven’t received any constructive feedback or don’t get any guidance on how you can take your career to the next level. Friends usually don’t want to upset or offend us, but it’s often the hard feedback delivered by a boss that can be some of the greatest fuel to help us move forward in our careers.” ― Kate Snowise

“老闆與員工的關係以及朋友的關係，這兩種關係之間有一條界線。並且，老闆有時候需要開展一些艱難的對話。如果你與老闆的關係越來越接近，你可能會發現你再也沒有接受到任何建設性的反饋，或者沒有收到任何幫助你前進到下一個階段的指導。朋友通常都不想打擊或冒犯我們，但通常只有接受來自老闆的鐵一般的反饋，才能獲得最好的能源，驅動我們爲事業的發展而努力。”——凱特·斯諾維斯

2. You start feeling like the teacher’s pet.

2. 你開始覺得自己像是“老師的寵兒”。

“This is often the first red flag. You feel singled out for plum projects and are taken to lunch more often than other members of the team. You may also get more face time with you manager. This is dangerous territory not only for the manager and company ― particularly with the greater awareness of bullying and sexual harassment claims of late ― but for you. You risk being ostracized by your peers and may find it difficult to get cooperation from coworkers.” ― Lynn Taylor, workplace expert and author of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior & Thrive in Your Job

“這常常就是首個危險信號。你感到自己被孤立於渴望已久的項目之外，相比其他團隊成員，老闆帶你出去吃飯的頻率更高了。你還有可能常常與你的經理見面。這是一個很危險的情況，不僅對於經理和公司——尤其是越來越注重近期的職場霸凌或性騷擾指控來說——對於你來說也是。你冒險把自己排除到同事之外，還發現難以和同事合作。”——麗因·泰勒（職場專家，《馴服可怕的辦公室暴君：如何應對孩子氣的老闆行爲，奮力發展》的作者）

3. You two share inside jokes that make your colleagues uncomfortable.

3. 你們開的玩笑，讓同事們感到不適。

“It’s OK if you develop a friendship with your boss outside of work. But it can be detrimental if you start forming inside jokes that spill into the workplace. If you find yourself sitting in meetings and you and your boss are sharing knowing glances with each other in reference to colleagues, you’re too close. This sort of behavior diminishes workplace morale and will damage productivity at work.” ― Alena Gerst, psychotherapist

“你在工作以外與老闆建立友情是沒有問題的。不過如果你開始編一些圈內的笑話散播到職場當中，這就有可能是有害的。如果你發現自己坐在會議室裏，與老闆眉來眼去，同時指向其他同事，那麼你們之間的關係就太密切了。這一種行爲會大大損害工作士氣，還會降低工作效率。”——阿琳娜·格斯特（心理治療師）

4. Your meetings are more social than work-oriented.

4. 會議的內容更傾向社交而不是工作。

“If you’re too close to your boss, often the line between work and play can get blurred. The danger is that you may find that you don’t get the direction or support you need, as your meetings can often become more of a social catch-up than an opportunity to discuss real work-based issues or the need for guidance. You can help get around this by sending your boss agenda items of the things you want to discuss before any meeting.” ― Kate Snowise

“如果你與老闆的關係太親近，那麼工作與玩樂之間的界限就會越來越模糊。這裏有一個險區，你可能會發現自己無法獲取所需的指引或支持，正如你們的會議的風格更像是社交話家常而不是一個討論真實的工作問題或提出知道需求的場合。你可以避開這個，只需要發送一條行程清單告訴老闆你想要在會議討論的事情就可以了。”——凱特·斯諾維斯

5. You feel obligated to see each other outside of work.

5. 你無法抑制自己下班後與對方見面。

“It’s one thing to be invited to an occasional lunch alone by your manager. But if you’re being singled out, it’s happening often and it starts being combined with other outings, such as drinks or dinner, the relationship is likely crossing a healthy boundary. You should be able to do your job during normal working hours and never feel uncomfortable about the time and/or place. If you do, it’s your right to speak up immediately, with diplomacy.” ― Lynn Taylor

“偶爾被經理邀請一次單獨的午餐是一回事。但是如果你是被故意挑選出來的，這種事情常有發生，並且這種單獨外出的情況與其他事情結合起來了的話（比如，喝東西或晚餐），你們之間的關係似乎正在跨越正常的關係邊界。你有義務在正常的上班時間完成你的工作內容，並且不會對於時間或地點感到不安。如果你真的能夠這樣做，那麼你有權力策略性地立刻把這件事說出來。”——琳·泰勒

6. You start venting to each other like you would to a close friend or therapist.

6. 你們開始互相吐苦水，把對方當作親密的朋友或心理治療師。

“As much as someone can say that whatever you say to them won’t affect their impression of you, we’re all human and certain things can’t be unheard. So be careful what you share with your boss. If you find yourself using your boss as a venting buddy, telling them about your frustrations with the workplace and how you’re so hung over you can barely function, you might want to learn to keep your mouth shut.” ― Kate Snowise

“雖然很多人都說過，不管你對他們說什麼都不會影響對方對你的印象，但是我們都是人類，有些事情無法視若無睹。因此你要注意與老闆分享的內容。如果你發現自己正在把老闆當作出氣筒，告訴他你在工作上的煩惱，表現出你醉酒得幾乎不能自控的狀態，也許你真的應該學學閉上你的嘴巴了。”——凱特·斯諾維斯

7. The relationship becomes flirtatious.

7. 關係變得輕佻浮躁。

“If you feel like you’re on a date versus ‘on the clock,’ there’s reason to develop an immediate strategy to deal with it. Your manager may call you by an affectionate name or cross the line with an unwanted hug, and you see this repeated. You’re made to feel awkward, and it’s difficult to be productive. The longer you wait to put a stop to their behavior, the more challenging it will be ― and the legal ramifications of this can be significant. The employer, your boss and you could all be part of a hostile work environment legal claim from other workers.” ― Lynn Taylor

“如果你感覺自己一直忙於約會而不是‘打卡上班’，那麼你就有必要想出一套即場策略來應對。你的經理也許會用一個親切的名字來稱呼你，或者跨越了界線，給你一個你不想要的擁抱，而你發現這種事情時有發生。你被弄得很尷尬，也很難提高自己的工作效率。若你越不及時制止他們的行爲，制止這件事就變得越困難——並且這件事情所需承擔的法律後果就會很意義重大。那個僱主，也就是你的老闆還有你，都會成爲與其他同事相互敵對的工作環境當中的一部分。”——琳·泰勒

聲明：本雙語文章的中文翻譯系滬江英語原創內容，轉載請註明出處。中文翻譯僅代表譯者個人觀點，僅供參考。如有不妥之處，歡迎指正。