不打電話的理由(上)(組圖)
The Courtesies
The Courtesies
禮節
Etiquette requires you to work through a pile of time-wasters just to ask a simple question.
禮節讓你不得不爲了問個簡單的問題而編造出一大堆浪費時間的話。
A: Hey Bill! It's been awhile. How are you? What have you been up to? How are the kids? HA HA! That's great! Do you still have that magnificent beard? I' tried to grow one but my face ends up looking like I dipped my jaw in Vaseline and then gave a Raspberry to the underside of a cat. Wow, it's so good to hear your voice...
A: 嘿，Bill！有段時間沒見了，你最近怎樣？都在忙點啥？孩子們好嗎？哈哈！不錯！你還留着你那令人驚豔的鬍子嗎？我也想試着留一個，可是結果我的臉看上去就像把下巴埋進了凡士林裏，然後對着貓的下腹咂舌（這句話理解不能，高手在哪裏！）哇，能聽到你的聲音真是太好了……
...20 minutes later
……20分鐘之後
A: So uh.. the reason I'm calling is - can I borrow your chainsaw?
A: 所以說呃……我打電話來是想借你的鏈鋸用一用。
B: No.
B: 不借。
A: OK Bill, no problem! Figured it couldn't hurt to ask. Well, it's been great talking to you, and we should meet up for beers sometime. I'd love to gaze upon that enchanting beard over a delicious beverage. We don't talk much anymore, you know? It's a shame. I remember when we used to run and laugh together without a care in the world, like little girls on the first day of summer...
A: 好吧，Bill，沒事！我想問一問也無妨。恩，能跟你聊天感覺真好，我們哪天碰個面一起喝酒吧。我喜歡看你那迷人的鬍子垂在美酒上的樣子。你知道嗎？我們現在已經很少交談了，真遺憾啊。我還記得我們曾經一起跑步一起談笑，將整個世界置身事外，就像夏日剛至時的小姑娘……
The Impulsive
The Impulsive
衝動
You don't have time to think about your responses.
你沒時間考慮該如何回答。
A: Hey, I'm going on vocation and I need someone to look after my cat. He's pretty low maintenance, but you need to give his feetsies massages every hour or so. He also likes to be sung to sleep. Think you could look after him while I'm gone? It'd only be for three weeks or so.
A: 嘿，我要去度假了，要人幫忙照看我的貓。他非常好伺候，但你得每隔一小時左右給他的腳做按摩，另外他還喜歡聽人哼歌來入睡。我走以後你可以幫忙照看他吧？只要大約三週的時間。
B: , no problem. (OH F**K. WHY DID I JUST SAY THAT?)
B: 嗯……好啊，沒問題。（噢，該死的！我爲什麼要這麼說！）
The Jagged
The Jagged
曲折
Neither one of you times your responses properly, so you're constantly interrupting one another. The conversation lacks any kind of flow.
你們雙方都沒有抓準回答的時機，於是不停地互相打斷，交談極不順暢。
A: I really hate it when my wife puts rattlesnakes in the couch. She thinks it's hilarious but their venom is quite powerful and the bites are very painfu-
A: 我真是恨透了我老婆把響尾蛇放在沙發上的行爲，她覺得這樣很好玩，可是響尾蛇的毒液很強勁，咬起人來很疼……
B: OMG my wife does the same thing, except with scorpions! Sorry, didn't mean to cut you off, sometimes I -
B: 天吶，我老婆也這麼幹，只不過她用的是蠍子！抱歉，我不是故意要打斷你的，有時候……
A: Oh no problem! It happe-
A: 噢，沒事！這種情況……
B: So yeah, "Enough with the goddamn scorpions," I says to her! I thought it woul-
B: 是呀，我告訴她：“不要再弄那些該死的蠍子了！”我想這會……
A: I said the same thing! "Honey, rattler bites aren't funny." So what did she do? She swapped out the rattlers for cobras.
A: 我也說了同樣的話！“親愛的，響尾蛇咬起人來可不好玩。”你猜她怎麼着？她不用響尾蛇改用眼鏡蛇了。
The Pauses
The Pauses
停頓
On the phone, ten seconds of silence feels like ten years of silence.
在電話裏，十秒鐘不說話讓人感覺像十年之久。
A: Yeah, so that's my just about sums it up...
A: 嗯，這就是我的故事……我就是大概地描述一下……
A: "The End," heh heh
A: “全劇終”，呵呵。
A: So yeah...
A: 所以，那個……
The (complete lack of) Body Language
The (complete lack of) Body Language
（完全沒有）肢體語言
Body language in conversation can make a huge difference.
在交談中肢體語言可是會起到很大的作用。
Hey Carl, it's been forever since I saw you!
（左）嘿，Carl，我好久沒見到你了！
（右）嘿，Carl，我好久沒鋸你了！
