爲什麼被理想學校拒錄並非世界末日？
Everyone's had nightmares about that classic thin envelope. It's something you dread from the time college is a mere blip on your radar, to the moment you wait with your own children to hear from the school of their dreams. No matter which way you spin it, a college rejection is never going to be fun.
But you need not worry, fellow dream school rejectees. Though the sting is still palpable, there are plenty of reasons why an initial rejection is not the end of the world.
1. These highly successful people got rejected too -- and look where they are today.
Meredith Vieira, Warren Buffett, John Kerry, Katie Couric, Steven Spielberg, Tom Brokaw and Columbia University's President Lee Bollinger all got rejected from their dream schools. But getting turned down may have been the very thing that sparked all their eventual successes. As Bollinger put it, no one should let rejections control his or her life. To "allow other people's assessment of you to determine your own self-assessment is a very big mistake," he said. "The question really is, who at the end of the day is going to make the determination about what your talents are, and what your interests are? That has to be you."
2. The sting will prepare you for facing an unstable post-college future.
A 2013 poll stated that more than 40 percent of college graduates were underemployed, and more than half of grads said getting a job was difficult. The market is still recovering, and there are twice as many college graduates working minimum wage jobs as five years ago. We know the rejection hurt, but you are so much better off having experienced it now so you are prepared for the turbulent future.
3. You may end up loving your fourth choice school more.
Students often put the emphasis on big-name schools versus the places that would fit them best. But often students who don't attend their first choice school are happiest throughout their time in college. As Shawn Abbott, the Assistant Vice President and Dean of Admissions at New York University, put it to high school students, "You will love your fourth choice school. I know that I did."
4. It forces you to step back and reevaluate the most important qualities you want in a school.
It's incredibly easy to put your dream school on a pedestal, which makes the rejection that much more difficult. Yet when you romanticize instead of rationalize, you may overlook some key factors about the school you wouldn't have liked if you attended it. For example, you may not have realized how key Greek life would be on campus, or you might have underestimated how tiny 4,000 students would feel after two years. Getting rejected from a school you have your heart set on forces you to really prioritize the aspects you value most in a college experience, regardless of the school name.
5. Going to a less prestigious school doesn't mean you'll have a less prestigious future.
According to a 2011 study by Alan Krueger of Princeton University and Stacy Dale of Mathematica Policy Research, students who were rejected by highly selective schools eventually raked in salaries nearly identical to those earned by the students who went to those schools. "Even if students don't get in, the fact that they are confident enough to apply indicates they are ambitious and hardworking, which are qualities that will help them regardless of where they go to school," Krueger said. These less measurable traits, aka "unobserved student ability," could be the key to your future success in the job market.
6. The odds were never in your favor, anyway.
It's very easy to take a rejection personally and to imagine that the admissions office had some vendetta against you and your application. It's not that simple. Universities like Stanford accepted only 5 percent of their applicants for the upcoming school year, a new low amongst the most prestigious schools. The number of applicants has increased dramatically the past few decades and a higher number of applications generally leads to the acceptance of a smaller percentage of the students who apply. Between the high number of applicants, budget cuts, in-state versus out-of state quotas and preferential treatment for alumni's children, the odds were literallyneverin your favor.
7. Your sadness means someone else's joy.
Somewhere in the world, a student less fortunate and more fit for the school got an acceptance letter for your spot, and they have you to thank. Former Globe columnist David Nyhan wrote a piece in 1987 that still rings very true today:
This is the important thing: They didn't reject you. They rejected your resume. They gave some other kid the benefit of the doubt. Maybe that kid deserved a break. Don't you deserve a break? Sure. You'll get one. Maybe this is the reality check you needed. Maybe the school that does take you will be good. Maybe this is the day you start to grow up.
Bad habits you can change; bad luck is nothing you can do anything about.
8. When it comes to getting a job, where you went to college probably won't make or break it.
Though you might imagine seeing "Harvard" on top of a resume would instantaneously impress an employer, there are other factors that matter significantly more. Newsweek published a survey in 2010 that showed in terms of hiring, employers ranked experience, confidence and even how you look above where a job applicant went to school. That means you should be focusing on internship and leadership experience, not the college sweatshirt you wear.
9. Rejection might be the very thing that motivates you to succeed.
J.K. Rowling was famously turned down 12 times before Bloomsbury agreed to publish the firstHarry Potterbook. Just a few years later, she became the first billionaire author. What happened when Steve Jobs got fired from Apple? He made an unexpected comeback that's still spoken of today. Jobs attributed his eventual success to his initial failure in his 2005 commencement speech at Stanford University:
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter into one of the most creative periods of my life ... Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love.每個人都有收到傳統薄信件的經歷，簡直就是噩夢。害怕收到拒錄信，不論是在校時期，大學就像是你人生雷達上的一個小點，還是到了與孩子一起等待來自理想學校的錄取通知書。但不論你怎麼解讀，大學拒錄信絕不有趣。
但那些與理想學校失之交臂的學生，也不必擔心。儘管非常難受，但是一封拒錄信並不會是你的世界末日，因爲：
1. 那些非常成功人士也曾被拒——再看看現在他們的成就
梅雷迪斯•維埃拉（Meredith Vieira）、沃倫·巴菲特（Warren Buffett）、約翰·克里（John Kerry）、凱蒂·庫裏克（Katie Couric）、斯蒂芬·斯皮爾伯格（Steven Spielberg）、湯姆·布羅考（Tom Brokaw）以及哥倫比亞大學校長伯林格（Lee Bollinger），他們全都曾被各自的理想學校拒錄過。但也許正是這樣的經歷，激發了他們日後的成功。正如伯林格所說的那樣，不應讓拒絕主宰人們的生活。“如果你讓他人對你的評價決定自我評價，那麼你就犯了極大的錯誤，”他說。“問題的根本就在於，是誰最終肯定你的才華，確定你的興趣所在呢？那個人必須是你自己。”
2. 被拒的傷痛將有助於你更好地面對畢業後多變的生活
據2013年的一項民意調查顯示，超過40%的大學畢業生未充分就業，且超過半數的畢業生找工作不容易。市場仍然在恢復，大學畢業生從事最低工資工作的人數較五年前增加了一倍。我們知道被拒絕是不好受的，但是現在的經歷會使你變得更加優秀，從而爲難以掌控的未來做準備。
3. 最後，你可能會更愛你的第四志願
學生通常更看中名牌學校，而不是學校是否最適合自己。但通常來說，沒有進入第一志願的學生往往在大學生活中過得最幸福。正如紐約大學助理副校長及招生主任肖恩·阿伯特（Shawn Abbott）對高中生說的那樣，“你會愛上第四志願。至少我知道自己確實喜歡。”
4. 給你機會退一步，重新評估學校的哪一方面對你來說最重要
大家往往過分憧憬自己理想的學校，這使得被拒絕更加痛苦。但是，當感性衝昏理性的時候，你也許會忽略一些你進入了這個學校之後，有哪些因素會使你不喜歡這個學校。舉個例子，也許你還沒意識到社團生活，在校園生活中是多麼重要的，或者你也許會低估兩年後4000名學生感覺自己多微小？被學校拒絕，會使你認認真真地把大學生活中的方方面面，按重視程度排列出來，而不是隻注重學校的名氣。
5. 上普通院校並不代表你的未來一定會平庸
據2011年一項由普林斯頓大學的阿蘭·克魯格（Alan Krueger）以及數學政策研究公司的史黛西·戴爾（Stacy Dale）進行的調查顯示，被高要求的那些學校拒絕的學生與進入該學校學習的學生，在工資收入方面，基本處在同一水平。“即使學生沒被錄取，但是他們有足夠的信心去申請也表明了他們充滿抱負，勤奮努力，就是這些特質有助於他們在大學成長，不論進的是哪所院校。”克魯格說。這些難以量化的特質，又稱“學生的內才”，終將在未來的就業市場中決定你的成敗。
6. 其實，成功機率本來就不大
大家往往認爲拒絕只針對自己，覺得招生辦公室和你有深仇大恨，拒絕你的申請。事情遠不止這樣簡單。像斯坦福這樣的大學每學年就只錄取5%的申請者，這一比例在各大著名學府中創歷史新低。在過去幾年，申請者數量急劇上漲，通常來說，基數大，錄取率就低。大量申請、縮減預算、國內外學生名額配比、校友子女的特殊照顧，綜合種種原因，你成功的機率本就不大。
7. 你悲傷，別人快樂
世界的某個角落有個學生，沒那麼幸運，卻更適合這個學校，佔了你的名額，獲得錄取。他們也得感謝你的幫助。前波士頓環球報作家大衛·尼漢（David Nyhan）1987年寫了一篇文章，至今聽起來都很有道理：
有件事很重要，那就是：他們並沒有拒絕你，而是拒絕了你的簡歷。他們其實也並不瞭解其他孩子。也許你應該休息下。你應該休息嗎？當然。你會有機會的。也許這就是你需要明白的現實情況。學校錄取你，固然好。沒有錄取，你就要開始成長。
壞習慣可以改；壞運氣你躲也躲不掉。
8. 找工作時，畢業於哪所學校其實並沒有多大影響
儘管你會想象這麼一幕：在簡歷上方看到“哈佛”，用人單位會立馬感興趣，其實還有其他更重要的因素。2010年《新聞週刊》公佈的一項調查顯示，就招聘而言，用人單位更看重工作經驗、自信心、甚至你的心態等等。這意味着你應該更注重實習經歷及領導能力的培養，而不是你身穿哪所學校的校服。
9. 拒絕可能會讓你奮發圖強，取得成功
衆人皆知，J.K.羅琳在布魯姆斯伯裏（Bloomsbury）出版社最終同意出版哈利波特1之前，被拒絕了12次之多。但僅僅幾年後，她就成爲了第一位身價億萬的作家。至於斯蒂芬·喬布斯（ Steve Jobs ）被蘋果解僱後，他做了什麼？他出奇不意地發起反擊，至今仍被傳道。在2005年斯坦福大學畢業典禮上，喬布斯表示自己最終的成功得益於早年的失敗。
“當時，我沒有察覺，但事後證明：被蘋果解僱是曾發生在我身上最好的一件事。成功的沉重被從頭來過的輕鬆所取代，任何事情都不那麼確定。那時的我享受自由，進入了生命中最有創造力的階段。有些時候，生活會拿起一塊石頭往你腦袋猛砸一下。但千萬不要失去信心。我深信，唯一支持我走下去的是我熱愛我所做的事情。你們也必須找到自己所喜歡的東西。”
