什麼朋友你不該與之交往

When it comes to friends, there's bound to be a few bad apples in the bunch. For whatever reason -- maybe they're overly critical, perpetually depressed or just plain annoying -- you can't stand to be around them. Yet rather than keeping them in your life, consider giving them the heave-ho or you could suffer.
提到朋友，在那麼一大堆人裏必定有幾個害羣之馬。不管是出於什麼原因，可能他們過於吹毛求疵、始終沮喪或純粹只是討厭，你無法忍受呆在他們身邊。然而，你可以考慮與他們絕交或者你可以承受，也勝過繼續與之交往。

"Keeping toxic people around could take away time and energy from positive friends, damage your self-esteem or put you in harm's way," says Jan Yager, Ph.D., sociologist and author of When Friendship Hurts. Here, she deconstructs a dozen so-called friends you may want to break up with.
“讓損友留在身邊，會耗損益友的時間和精力，傷害你的自尊或者害了你自己”，社會學家《當朋友讓你傷害》的作者詹.耶格博士說。這裏，她解析了十二種你可能想要與之絕交的所謂的朋友。

The Faultfinder
吹毛求疵的人

You know these people: They're always critical of everything you do and say, which can be contagious. If this friend has redeeming traits, ignore the overly critical comments or make a joke by saying something like, "Let's see if you can last an hour without saying anything negative." However, if you're unable to distance yourself or your self-esteem is hurting too much, step away from the relationship.
你認識這種人：他們對你所做和所說的每件事情都一直挑刺，這種行爲有時候會感染他人（情緒）。如果這個朋友也有一些可以彌補缺點的優點，那你就不要把他過度挑剔的意見放在心上，或者開個這樣玩笑，如：“讓我們看看如果你不發表任何批判意見，是不是能堅持一個小時”。可是，如果你拋不開這些，或者自尊受到太大傷害，那麼就應遠離這種關係。

The Therapist
心理診療師

Too much advice is never good, especially from a supposed friend. If you're keeping this person around because of the other wonderful traits she possesses, tell your friend you don't want advice unless you ask. Or thank the person without discussing her comments. Another solution? Start analyzing her and she may realize how annoying that can be.
忠告太多就不是什麼好事，尤其是當這些忠告出於一個你所認爲的朋友。如果你繼續和她交往是因爲她還具有其他很好的特質，那麼，告訴你的朋友，除非是你主動要求否則你不需要別人的建議。或者絕口不提她給的建議，而只是謝謝她。另外的解決辦法？開始分析她的性格，這樣有可能她會意識到老給別人建議會有多煩人。

The Self-Absorbed
自戀狂

Everyone is self-absorbed to some extent, but when a person is always focused on herself and never lets you share anything about yourself, something needs to give. Because she may not be aware she's doing this, let your friend know. If she can't curb this trait and you don't want the friendship to end, limit how long you let her go on about herself; then give yourself equal air time.
從某種程度來說，每個人都是自戀的，但是當一個人總是以自我爲中心，從不讓你分享你自己的任何事情，某些需要交流的事情。因爲她可能並未意識自己的行爲，那麼，要讓你的朋友知道。如果她不能抑制這種性格，而你不也想要終結這種友誼，就限制她絮絮叨叨談論自己的時間，然後，給自己同樣長的發表意見的時間。

The Copy Cat
一味模仿者

Imitation is the highest form of flattery, but it could create hostility between you and your friend. If you want to keep her around, protect yourself by keeping things to yourself more often or timing when you share information. If, though, this trait is too annoying, end the friendship.
模仿是奉承的最高級形式，但是這會讓你和朋友之間產生敵意。如果你想和她交往，那麼，就可以通過更多地單獨行事或者當分享某信息時掌握好合適的時間，從而保護你自己。可是如果這種性格太煩人，那就終結友誼。

The Promise Breaker
愛違約者

You're tired of constantly being disappointed by this friend, so if you want to keep this person around, lower your expectations. Also, call your friend on this behavior. Clue her in by asking, "Did you know this is the fourth time in two months you had to cancel lunch at the last minute?" However, if this trait puts you in too many compromising situations, makes you feel frustrated or disappointed in yourself for being treated like this, it may be time to abandon ship.
你受夠了這種朋友經常地讓你失望，所以，如果你想繼續和這種人交往，就要降低期望值。同時，也要和你的朋友談談這種行爲。通過下面的問話來提示她，如：“你知道嗎？這是兩個月內，你第四次在最後一刻取消午餐”。然而，如果這種性格置你於太多不利情形，因爲受到這樣的待遇，你感到灰心喪氣或失望，可能正是放棄這段友誼的時候了。

The Risk Taker
好冒險的人

From shoplifting and experimenting with drugs to driving recklessly, your daredevil friend's behavior should raise serious red flags. "You need to protect yourself," Yager says, adding that you want to encourage your friend to stop her risk-taking ways. But don't try to change her yourself; more than likely, your friend will need help from a professional therapist. Then tell your friend you're suspending your relationship until she straightens up.
從入店行竊、以身試毒到不顧後果駕駛，你蠻勇的朋友的行爲應引起嚴重警戒，“你需要保護你自己”，耶格說，又補充道，你想要幫助你的朋友停止冒險活動。但是，不要試着單靠你自己來改變她；很有可能，你朋友需要來自己專業理療師的幫助。然後，告訴你的朋友，你會暫時中止你們的關係，直到她改過自新。The Competitor
競爭者

Some competition can be healthy -- if your friend's goals or achievements serve as motivation for you -- but if the Competitor wants what you have, acts in a hostile way and will do anything not only to get what you have but take it away, this could cost you. If your friend has to get a house that's bigger or more expensive than yours to seem more successful than you, it may be time to dump her.
有些競爭是良性的（如果朋友的目標或者成就，能成爲你的動力），但是，如果競爭者想得到你所擁有的東西，以一種敵意的方式行事，甚至可以不惜一切手段來不僅得到你有的東西，而且要奪去這些，這可能會讓你付出慘痛教訓。如果朋友一定要得到一所比你更大更貴的房子，以顯得比你更成功，那麼可能是擺脫她的時候了。

The Bloodsucker
寄生者

This friend is overly dependent on you for emotional support or information. True, it can be flattering to be needed, and of course, the Bloodsucker may be there for you when other friends are too busy for you. But this energy vampire can be draining, which is why you should consider if this friend is worth keeping. As long as you set limits and know that this person will probably make extreme demands on you, you could keep this person in your life.
這種朋友在情感方面或者信息方面過度依賴於你。被別人需要會讓你覺得很受用，這是真的，當然，當其他朋友因爲太忙而不能陪你時，寄生者可能會站在你身邊。但這種精力吸血鬼會大量消耗你，這就是爲什麼你要考慮一下，是否這種朋友值得你交。只要你設有忍耐限度，並且知道這種人可能會對你作出過份要求，那麼，你是可以與這種人來往的。

The Abuser
虐待狂

Don't tolerate anybody who verbally, physically or sexually abuses you. Of course, in some situations, it can be tough to figure out what constitutes abuse. Keep in mind, if someone is vicious and malicious in their comments and treatment of you, you're being verbally abused. Even sexual abuse may not be obvious, as it include subtle behaviors like making jokes that are offensive or sexual in nature, inappropriate comments or sexual harassment. If necessary, contact local police, counseling centers, victims programs, addiction programs or emergency hotlines for help. Then keep this kind of person away from you.
不要容忍任何言語上、身體上或性虐待你的人。當然，在某些情形下，很難確定怎樣就構成了虐待。記住，如果某人言論和談及你時惡意、不道德，你就受到了口頭虐待。雖然性虐待可能不太明顯，因爲它包括某些微妙行爲，如開些無禮或色情的玩笑，不適宜的談話或性騷擾。如果有必要，可以向當地警局、諮詢中心、受害者康復項目，成癮康復項目和緊急狀況熱線求助，這會讓這種人遠離你。

The Double-Crosser
出賣朋友者

From spreading lies about you to going after your romantic partner, the Double Crosser's actions are the exact opposite of a friend's. If the doublecross happened only once, you might decide to continue the friendship, but let this guy know that his behavior is unacceptable. If you can't forgive, cut the friendship. Just don't ignite his wrath or he could turn against you.
從撒播關於你的謊言到追求你的戀人，出賣朋友的人所作所爲剛好是朋友的反面。如果出賣朋友行爲只發生了一次，你可以決定繼續友誼，但是要讓這個傢伙知道這種行爲不能接受。如果你不能原諒，那麼就中止友誼。只是不要激起他的憤怒，否則他會與你爲敵。

The Controller
控制狂

Being a Controller is part of this person's personality, which means it's a harder trait to break. But it can be frustrating for you to be dominated so much. Maybe the Controller has to pick out everything you do as friends and gives an opinion on everything you do or want to do without being asked. There is no give and take, as the Controller is uncomfortable and bossy if you want to make a choice about something. If you want to keep the friendship alive, let the person know how much you dislike being controlled. This trait, though, may become so negative that you may need to break ties.
做個控制者是其個性的一部分，這意味着這個性是較難糾正的。但是，如果受控很嚴重，就很令人沮喪。該控制狂作爲朋友可能會拿出你所做的每件事情，對你所做的和想要做的每件事情都不請自來地給出意見。那是不容商量的，因爲如果你想對某件事作出選擇，控制狂會不安而專橫。如果你想保持友誼，就讓那個人知道你有多麼不喜歡受控。可是，這種個性，有時會變得很不利，以至你需要斷絕這種關係。

The Downer
掃興者

"The Downer is a person you have to let into your life with care because this trait can be contagious," Yager says. It goes without saying, of course, that these types are always down, but ironically, if you're upbeat and positive, that may be the reason the Downer was attracted to you in the first place. It is not your job to be a therapist. But realize that she may not be able to change without professional help. Decide if she has any redeeming traits and if you can stay upbeat around her. If not, end the friendship. Don't keep her around just because you feel sorry for her.
“掃興者是一種讓他進入你生活時你必須小心的人，因爲這種性格會感染他人”，耶格說。當然，不用說，這種人一直情緒低落，但是有諷刺意味的是，如果你達觀而積極，那可能是掃興者被你吸引的首要原因。做心理治療師可不是你的工作。但是你要知道如果沒有專業幫助她可能改變不了。你要確定是否在缺點之外她有一些可以彌補的優點，是否有她在身邊你仍可以保持達觀。如果答案是否定的，那麼，就結束友誼，不要僅僅因爲你爲她感到遺憾就和她繼續交往。