英語課堂幽默笑話

下面是本站小編整理的英語課堂幽默笑話，希望對大家有幫助。

　　英語課堂幽默笑話：兩顆番茄

he first tomato has no answer, the second tomato asked again. The tomato has no answer, so the second tomato asked again. The first tomato finally turned slowly, said: "we are not tomatoes? We can talk?"

兩顆番茄去逛街，第一顆番茄突然走得很快，第二顆番茄就問：“我們要去哪裏?” 第一顆番茄沒有回答，第二顆番茄又問了一次。 第一顆番茄還沒回答，所以第二顆番茄又問了一次。 第一顆番茄終於慢慢轉頭說：“我們不是番茄嗎?我們會說話嗎?”

　　英語課堂幽默笑話：相同的職責

The Same DutiesA retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet. "Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army," the general said. "Nothing to it-you'll catch on again fast." Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said, "OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you."

相同的職責一個退休的四星級將軍在曼哈頓的一個酒吧偶然地遇到了他以前的勤務兵，勤務兵也退休在家。這位將軍花了一整個晚上的時間來說服他回來做他的貼身隨從。“你的職責與在軍隊時完全一樣，”將軍說，“這沒什麼，你很快就會再次理解它的。” 第二天早晨八點鐘時，前勤務兵迅速地進到前將軍的臥室，拉開窗簾，輕輕地搖了搖將軍，然後大步走到牀的另一側，在他僱主的妻子屁股上拍了一下，說道：“好了，甜心，你該回到村莊去了。”

　　英語課堂幽默笑話：你爺爺

A well dressed young man demanded as soon as he entered the restaurant:"Serve me, quick! Give me your best. I don't care the price."Not like the way he talked, the waiter said to him: "Hey Buddy, it doesn't matter you have a lot of money. You are still son of somebody, and grandson of somebody else."The young man raged: "Dare you! Tell me, who wants me to be his grandson?"The waiter replied with ease: "Nobody. Just your grandfather."

一位衣冠楚楚的年青人一進飯店就大聲嚷嚷：“喂，有什麼好菜儘管端上來，錢多少我不在乎。”服務員聽了很不是滋味：“哥兒們，錢多頂個屁，你不照樣得做別人的兒子，就是有人要你做孫子你也不敢不做!”年青人勃然大怒：“誰敢佔老子的便宜?你說，是誰不要命了，膽敢要老子做他的孫子?”服務員慢條斯理地答道：“你爺爺!”

　　英語課堂幽默笑話：她要買什麼

A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer. No, ma’am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting ified, the manager came runningover to the customer and said, Of course, we'll have somesoon, We placed an order last week. Then the manager drew the clerk aside: Never, never, never say we are out of anything say we've got it on order and it's what was it she wanted? Rain, said the clerk.

一個商店經理聽見一個店員對顧客說：不，夫人，這會兒沒有，一時半會兒看來也不會有。經理驚恐萬分地跑到顧客跟前說：當然，馬上就會有的。我們上週訂了貨。然後經理把店員拉到一邊：千萬，千萬，千萬不要說我們沒有什麼，說我們已經訂了貨，貨馬上就到。現在你說她要買什麼? 雨，店員說。

　　英語課堂幽默笑話：現在幾點了

The two boys were camping in the backyard. When they couldn't figure out what time it was, the first boy said to the second, "Start singing very loud."

"How will that help?" said the second boy.

"Just do it," insisted the first.

Both boys broke into song, singing at the top of their lungs. Moments later, a neighbor threw open her window and shouted, "Keep it down! Don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning?"

兩個男孩子在後院露營，他們不知道到了晚上幾點鐘。於是，一個男孩對另外一個說：“我們開始大聲唱歌就行了。”

“那就會知道時間嗎?”第二個男孩問。

“只管唱吧。”第一個堅持道。

兩個孩子開始大聲唱歌，過了一會兒，一個鄰居打開窗戶喊道：“小聲點!你們不知道現在是凌晨三點嗎?”

　　英語課堂幽默笑話：是我把他晾乾

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office.

"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he's dead."

Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."

Jim和Mary都是精神病院裏的病人。一天，他們沿着醫院的游泳池散步，Jim突然跳入泳池的深水區，他沉到了底部。Mary立刻跳下去救他，她潛到水底，把Jim拉了上來。

當院長聽聞了Mary的英勇行爲後，他立刻翻看了她的病歷檔案,把她叫進了自己的辦公室.

“Mary，我有一個好消息和一個壞消息要告訴你。好消息是你能跳入水中救其他病人，這說明你的意識已經恢復了，你可以出院了。壞消息就是，Jim，你救的那個病人，他還是用自己的浴袍帶子在浴室上吊自殺了。”

Mary說：“他沒有自殺，是我把他吊起來好讓他晾乾。”

　　英語課堂幽默笑話：A Woman's answer

A husband said to his wife, " Why did God create women to be beautiful but foolish?"

"Well," his wife answered at once." The reason is very simple. God made us beautiful so men would love us; God made us foolish so we would marry them."

一位丈夫對他的妻子說：“爲什麼上帝把婦女創造得如此美麗卻又愚蠢呢?” “噢，”他的妻子立刻回答道，“原因很簡單。上帝使我們如此美麗，男人才會愛我們。上帝使我們如此愚蠢，我們纔會嫁給他們。”

　　英語課堂幽默笑話：Only One Eye to Settle On

The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?"

"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.

姑娘找到媒人，說：“你欺騙了我。他的一隻眼是假眼，你以前爲什麼不告訴我?” “怎麼沒告訴你?”媒人也不甘示弱，“你們第一回見面後，我就說，他一眼就看中你了。”

　　英語課堂幽默笑話：You May Select可以選擇

The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish.

One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, "My dear, what will we eat today?"

The wife said, "You may select the dish today."

The husband was very glad and asked, "Which dishes are there today?"

"Cabbage."

"The others?"

"None."

"Then how to select?"

"Eat or not eat!" the wife said.

丈夫抱怨妻子總是做同樣的一種菜。

一天，丈夫回到家，問妻子：“親愛的，今天我們吃啥菜?”

妻子回答：“今天你可以選擇。” 丈夫感到非常高興，又問：“都有哪些菜呢?”

“炒白菜。”

“還有呢?”

“沒了。”

“那你要我怎麼選呢?”

“吃還是不吃!”妻子一本正經地說道。

　　英語課堂幽默笑話：Two roaches 兩隻蟑螂

Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant."I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines.""Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

兩隻蟑螂正在一條小巷的垃圾堆上大吃着，其中的一隻談起了它在一家新開張的餐館裏的經歷。“那時我在街對面的那家新餐館裏，”它說。“那裏太乾淨了!廚房沒有一點污漬，地面閃着白光。任何地方都沒有垃圾。那裏是如此乾淨，整個地方都在發光。”“請不要在我吃東西的時候說這個好嗎?”另一隻蟑螂不悅地說。

　　英語課堂幽默笑話：我需要器官移植

The patient is adamant. "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . ." "What makes you think you need all these?" Well, replied the patient, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized."

這個病人顯得很堅決。“醫生，我需要做肝臟移植、腎臟移植、心臟移植、角膜移植、脾臟移植、胰腺移植和……” “你爲什麼認爲你需要做這麼多移植手術?”病人回答：“哦，是這樣，我的老闆說如果我這個人不重新組裝的話，就別想保住我的工作!”

　　英語課堂幽默笑話：埋在花園裏的槍

Guns Buried in the Garden An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden. He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

一個老人獨居在北愛爾蘭，他的獨生子正在坐牢。老人想在花園裏種些土豆，但不知道誰可以幫忙把泥土翻鬆。他寫信想兒子提及此事，兒子回信說道：“看在上帝的面上，千萬不要翻鬆花園的泥土，我把槍埋在那兒了。”第二天凌晨4點，一隊英國士兵出現在老人家中，在花園把土地翻遍，但並沒有找到任何槍支。” 老人寫信告訴兒子這件奇怪的事情，問到底發生了什麼事情，下一步應該怎麼做。 兒子回信道：“你只管種土豆好了。”