《美食祈禱和戀愛》Chapter 96 (229):最迷人最浪漫的提議

"Felipe," I said, "that's the most appealing and romantic offer a man has ever made me." And it was. But still I said no.

"斐利貝，"我說，"這是一個男人給過我最迷人最浪漫的提議。"確是如此。但我依然說不。

He drove me home. Parked in front of my house, we shared a few sweet, salty, sandy day-at-the-ocean kisses. It was lovely. Of course it was lovely. But still, and again, I said no.

他開車送我回家，在我的屋子前停車，我們共享了幾個甜美親吻，帶着白晝海灘的鹹味與沙子。美好，當然美好。但我依然又一次說不。

"That's fine, darling," he said. "But come over to my house tomorrow night for dinner, and I'll make you a steak."

"沒關係，親愛的，"他說，"明天晚上來我家吃晚飯吧，我做牛排給你吃。"

Then he drove off and I went to bed alone.

而後他開車離去，我獨自上牀睡覺。

I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and then I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.

我一向對男人決定得很快。我總是很快墜入情網，未曾衡量風險。我不僅容易看見每個人最好的一面，也假設每個人在情感上都有能力達到最高的潛能。我曾無數次愛上一個男人的最高潛能，而非愛上他本人，而後我久久（時而過久）緊抓住關係，等待這個男人爬升至自身的偉大。在愛情中，我多次成爲自己樂觀傾向的受害者。

I married young and quick, from a place of love and hope, but without a lot of discussion over what the realities of marriage would mean. Nobody advised me on my marriage. I had been raised by my parents to be independent, self-providing, self-deciding. By the time I reached the age of twenty-four, it was assumed by everyone that I could make all my own choices, autonomously. Of course the world was not always like this. If I'd been born during any other century of Western patriarchy, I would've been considered the property of my fath-er, until which time he passed me over to my husband, to become marital property. I would've had precious little say in the major matters of my own life. At one time in history, if a man had been my suitor, my father might have sat that man down with a long list of questions to estab-lish whether this would be an appropriate match. He would have wanted to know, "How will you provide for my daughter? What is your reputation in this community? How is your health? Where will you take her to live? What are your debts and your assets? What are the strengths of your character?" My father would not have just given me away in marriage to anybody for the mere fact that I was in love with the fellow. But in modern life, when I made the decision to marry, my modern father didn't become involved at all. He would have no more interfered with that decision than he would have told me how to style my hair.

我從愛與希望出發，年紀輕輕就倉促結婚，卻極少談論婚姻的真相。沒有人對我提出婚姻的忠告。父母給我的教育是獨立、自給自足、自我決定。在我二十四歲時，大家都認爲我理當能獨立自主地爲自己做所有的選擇。當然世界並非總是如此運作。倘若我在任何早期西方父權時代出生，我將被視作父親的財產，直到他把我交付給我的丈夫，成爲婚姻財產。我對自己的人生大事將毫無任何發言權。如果在古代，假設一名男子追求我，我的父親可能和這位男人坐下來，詢問一連串問題，以確定是否匹配。他會想知道："你如何供給我的女兒？你在社區中的聲望如何？你的健康狀況如何？你將讓她住在何處？你的負債與資產狀況如何？你有哪些人格優點？"我父親不會只是因爲我愛上這個傢伙就把我嫁出去。然而在現代人生中，當我決定嫁人時，我的現代父親毫不干涉。他不會干涉我的決定，就如同他不會干涉我的髮型一般。

I have no nostalgia for the patriarchy, please believe me. But what I have come to realize is that, when that patriarchic system was (rightfully) dismantled, it was not necessarily replaced by another form of protection. What I mean is—I never thought to ask a suitor the same challenging questions my father might have asked him, in a different age. I have given myself away in love many times, merely for the sake of love. And I've given away the farm sometimes in that process. If I am to truly become an autonomous woman, then I must take over that role of being my own guardian. Famously, Gloria Steinem once advised women that they should strive to become like the men they had always wanted to marry. What I've only recently realized is that I not only have to become my own husband, but I need to be my own father, too. And this is why I sent myself to bed that night alone. Because I felt it was too soon for me to be receiving a gentleman suitor.

請相信我，我對父權制度毫無懷舊之情。然而我逐漸意識到，當父權制度（名正言順地）瓦解之時，卻未有另一種保護形態取而代之。我是說——我從未想到要跟任何一個追求者提問在另一個時代我父親可能盤問的問題。我曾多次只爲愛情而讓自己墜入情網，有時在過程中付出所有。假使我真正想成爲一名自主女性，就得全權成爲自己的監護人。史坦能（GloriaSteinem）曾勸告婦女應努力變得像自己想嫁的男人。我近來領悟到，我不僅必須變成自己的丈夫，也必須變成自己的父親。因此那天晚上我獨自上牀。因爲我覺得此刻接受一位君子追求者對我而言太過早。