《美食祈禱和戀愛》Chapter 46 (99):在世明師

I received shaktipat initiation two years ago, when I met my Guru for the first time, back in New York. It was during a weekend retreat at her Ashram in the Catskills. To be honest, I felt nothing special afterward. I was kind of hoping for a dazzling encounter with God, maybe some blue lightning or a prophetic vision, but I searched my body for special effects and felt only vaguely hungry, as usual. I remember thinking that I probably didn't have enough faith to ever experience anything really wild like unleashed kundalini shakti. I remember thinking that I was too brainy, not intuitive enough, and that my devotional path was probably going to be more intellectual than esoteric. I would pray, I would read books, I would think interesting thoughts, but I would probably never ascend into the kind of divine meditative bliss Saint Teresa describes. But that was OK. I still loved devotional practice. It's just that kundalini shakti wasn't for me.

我在兩年前和我的導師在紐約首次見面時，接受了“莎克蒂帕”的開引。那是一次週末靜修，位於卡茲奇（Catskills）的道場。老實說，過後我倒沒什麼特殊感覺。原本希望和神之間有一場別出心裁的邂逅，或許是藍色閃電或某種異象，但我探尋自己的身體看看有何特殊效果，卻只微微感到飢餓，一如往常。我記得心裏在想，或許我的信仰不夠，因此無從體驗被釋放的“昆達利尼莎克蒂”這類狂放的事情。我記得心裏在想，我太用腦袋，直觀不足，我的宗教道路很可能智性甚於奧祕性。我禱告，我看書，我思索有趣的想法，但我可能永遠無法登上大德蘭所描述的神聖冥想境界。這也沒什麼不好。我仍喜愛靈脩。只是我沒福氣體驗“昆達利尼莎克蒂”。

The next day, though, something interesting did happen. We were all gathered with the Guru once more. She led us into meditation, and in the middle of it all, I fell asleep (or whatever the state was) and had a dream. In this dream, I was on a beach, at the ocean. The waves were massive and terrifying and they were building fast. Suddenly, a man appeared beside me. It was my Guru's own master—a great charismatic Yogi I will refer to here only as "Swamiji" (which is Sanskrit for "beloved monk"). Swamiji had died in 1982. I knew him only from photographs around the Ashram. Even through these photographs—I must admit—I'd always found the guy to be a little too scary, a little too powerful, a little too much on fire for my taste. I'd been dodging the idea of him for a long time, and generally avoiding his gaze as it stared down at me from the walls. He seemed overwhelming. He wasn't my kind of Guru. I'd always preferred my lovely, compassionate, feminine living master to this deceased (but still fierce) character.

然而，隔天有趣的事發生了。我們大夥又一次與導師聚會。她領我們禪坐，進行到一半時，我睡着了（或管它叫什麼狀態），做了個夢。夢中的我，在海邊的沙灘上。海浪大得驚人，且快速翻高。突然間，一名男人出現在我身邊。那是我的導師本身的師父——一位具有領袖魅力的偉大瑜伽士，我在此僅以“思瓦米吉”（Swamiji）（梵文意即“敬愛的僧侶”）稱之。思瓦米吉在1982年過世。我只從道場周圍的相片中看過他。我得承認，即使透過這些相片，這傢伙始終讓我覺得有點太恐怖、太權威、太熱情，不合我的口味。長期以來我避免想到此人，當他從牆上盯着底下的我，我通常避開他的凝視。他似乎壓倒一切。他不是我的導師類型。我始終偏愛那位美麗、慈悲、女性的在世明師，勝過這位已歿（卻依然兇猛）的角色。

But now Swamiji was in my dream, standing beside me on the beach in all his power. I was terrified. He pointed to the approaching waves and said sternly, "I want you to figure out a way to stop that from happening." Panicked, I whipped out a notebook and tried to draw inventions that would stop the ocean waves from advancing. I drew massive seawalls and canals and dams. All my designs were so stupid and pointless, though. I knew I was way out of my league here (I'm not an engineer!) but I could feel Swamiji watching me, impatient and judgmental. Finally I gave up. None of my inventions were clever or strong enough to keep those waves from breaking.

但現在思瓦米吉出現在我夢中，站在我身旁的海灘上，力量無窮。我驚惶失措。他指着逼近的海浪，嚴厲地說：“我要你想辦法阻止。”我恐慌地掏出筆記本，嘗試繪出阻止海浪前進的各種發明。我畫了巨大的海堤、運河和水壩。然而我的每一種設計都愚蠢得毫無意義。我一點都搞不懂這些東西（我不是工程師呀！），卻感覺思瓦米吉注視着我，顯得不耐煩、吹毛求疵。我最後放棄了。我的每一種發明都不夠巧妙或強勁，阻擋不了海浪的衝力。

That's when I heard Swamiji laugh. I looked up at this tiny Indian man in his orange robes, and he was veritably busting a gut in laughter, bent over double in delight, wiping mirthful tears from his eyes.

這時我聽見思瓦米吉呵呵大笑。我仰頭注視這位身穿橘袍、矮小的印度男人，他真可謂笑破肚皮，直不起腰來，拭去眼中歡笑的眼淚。

"Tell me, dear one," he said, and he pointed out toward the colossal, powerful, endless, rocking ocean. "Tell me, if you would be so kind—how exactly were you planning on stopping that?"Eat, Pray, Love

“親愛的，告訴我，”他朝浩瀚、強大、無限、洶涌的海洋指去，說，“可否請你告訴我——你究竟打算怎麼阻止它？”