經典科幻文學:《宇宙盡頭的餐館》第6章7

Modern elevators are strange and complex entities. The ancient electric winch and “maximum-capacity-eight-persons” jobs bear as much relation to a Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Happy Vertical People Transporter as a packet of mixed nuts does to the entire west wing of the Sirian State Mental Hospital.
This is because they operate on the curios principle of “defocused temporal perception”. In other words they have the capacity to see dimly into the immediate future, which enables the elevator to be on the right floor to pick you up even before you knew you wanted it, thus eliminating all the tedious chatting, relaxing, and making friends that people were previously forced to do whist waiting for elevators.
Not unnaturally, many elevators imbued with intelligence and precognition became terribly frustrated with the mindless business of going up and down, up and down, experimented briefly with the notion of going sideways, as a sort of existential protest, demanded participation in the decision-making process and finally took to squatting in basements sulking.
An impoverished hitch-hiker visiting any planets in the Sirius star system these days can pick up easy money working as a counsellor for neurotic elevators.
At the fifteenth floor the elevator doors opened quickly.
“Fifteenth,” said the elevator, “and remember, I’m only doing this because I like your robot.”
Zaphod and Marvin bundled out of the elevator which instantly snapped its doors shut and dropped as fast as its mechanism would take it.
Zaphod looked around warily. The corridor was deserted and silent and gave no clue as to where Zarniwoop might be found. All the doors that led off the corridor were closed and unmarked.
They were standing close to the bridge which led across from one tower of the building to the other. Through a large window the brilliant sun of Ursa Minor Beta threw blocks of light in which danced small specks of dust. A shadow flitted past momentarily.
“Left in the lurch by a lift,” muttered Zaphod, who was feeling at his least jaunty.
They both stood and looked in both directions.
“You know something?” said Zaphod to Marvin.
“More that you can possibly imagine.”
“I’m dead certain this building shouldn’t be shaking,” Zaphod said.
It was just a light tremor through the soles of his feet – and another one. In the sunbeams the flecks of dust danced more vigorously. Another shadow flitted past.
Zaphod looked at the floor.
“Either,” he said, not very confidently, “they’ve got some vibro system for toning up your muscles while you work, or…”
He walked across to the window and suddenly stumbled because at that moment his Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive sunglasses had turned utterly black. A large shadow flitted past the window with a sharp buzz.
Zaphod ripped off his sunglasses, and as he did so the building shook with a thunderous roar. He leapt to the window.
“Or,” he said, “this building’s being bombed!”
Another roar cracked through the building.

現代化電梯都是些奇怪和複雜的玩意兒。古老的電動絞車以及“限載八人”的工作與天狼星控制系統公司快樂人體垂直傳送器相比，就像將一包混合堅果與天狼星國立精神病醫院的整個西翼大樓相提並論。
這是因爲，它們的操作是基於“非聚焦時間性知覺”這一奇特的原理。換句話說，它們具備某種能力，可以朦朧地預見很短時間之後的未來。於是，這些電梯有了這種本事：沒等你自己弄明白自己想去哪兒，它們就能將你送到正確的樓層。這樣一來，也就免去了等電梯時人們被迫要進行的所有那些單調乏味的交談、放鬆以及相互結識。
於是很自然，許多充滿智慧和預見的電梯感到失落，因爲它們只是簡單地重複着上上下下、下下上上的活路。它們偶爾會短暫地將斜向運行的念頭付諸試驗，相當於某種存在主義式的抗議。它們也會要求參與乘客的決策過程，最終常常以蹲到地下室裏生悶氣告終。
這期間，對一個窮得丁當響的星際漫遊者來說，有一個輕鬆賺錢的小竅門，前提是他在天狼星星系的任何一顆行星上：爲這種神經兮兮的電梯的乘客充當搭乘顧問。
到了十五層，電梯門猛然間迅速滑開了。
“十五層。”電梯說，“別忘了，我只是因爲喜歡你的機器人才這麼做的。”
贊福德和馬文趕忙出了電梯，而它也立即關上門，以它的機械裝置所能達到的最快速度開始下降。
贊福德仔細地觀察了一下四周。走廊裏沒有人，一片寂靜，找不到任何可以指示扎尼烏普在哪兒的線索。走廊兩側所有的門都關着，而且沒有標牌。
他們站的地方靠近連接這棟建築的雙塔的那座橋。小熊星座貝塔星明亮的太陽透過一扇巨大的窗戶照進來，塵埃在光束中跳動起舞。一片陰影短暫地掠過。
“咱們被一部電梯給扔到困境裏了。”贊福德喃喃地說，感覺不到一絲一毫的輕鬆。
他們倆站在原地，四下打量着。
“對這兒，你有什麼見解？”贊福德問馬文。
“比你有可能想像到的要多。”
“別的不說，至少我知道一點，百分之百肯定。這棟大樓不會搖晃。”贊福德說。
就在此時，一陣輕微的晃動傳到了他的腳掌——隨後又是另外一次。光束中，塵埃舞動得更有活力了。又一片陰影掠過。
贊福德盯着地面。
“或許，”他不太確定地說，“他們有一套振動系統，在你工作時可以增強你的肌肉，或者……”
他朝窗戶走過去，突然間絆了一下，這是由於他的祖·傑塔200型超級色度危險感應太陽鏡此刻完全變黑了。一片巨大的陰影帶着尖利的呼嘯聲掠過窗戶。
贊福德扯下太陽鏡。他這麼做的同時，整棟大樓搖晃起來，伴隨着一陣雷鳴般的轟響。他一步跳到窗戶前。
“又或許，”他說，“這棟大樓快要爆炸了！”
又一陣轟響傳遍了大樓。