殘忍而美麗的情誼:The Kite Runner 追風箏的人(99)

BECAUSE SORAYA AND I never had an engagement period, much of what I learned about the Taheris I learned after I married into their family. For example, I learned that, once a month, the general suffered from blinding migraines that lasted almost a week. When the headaches struck, the general went to his room, undressed, turned off the light, locked the door, and didn’t come out until the pain subsided. No one was allowed to go in, no one was allowed to knock. Eventually, he would emerge, dressed in his gray suit once more, smelling of sleep and bedsheets, his eyes puffy and bloodshot. I learned from Soraya that he and Khanum Taheri had slept in separate rooms for as long as she could remember. I learned that he could be petty, such as when he’d take a bite of the _qurma_ his wife placed before him, sigh, and push it away. “I’ll make you something else,” Khanum Taheri would say, but he’d ignore her, sulk, and eat bread and onion. This made Soraya angry and her mother cry. Soraya told me he took antide pressants. I learned that he had kept his family on welfare and had never held a job in the U.S., preferring to cash government-issued checks than degrading himself with work unsuitable for a man of his stature--he saw the flea market only as a hobby, a way to socialize with his fellow Afghans. The general believed that, sooner or later, Afghanistan would be freed, the monarchy restored, and his services would once again be called upon. So every day, he donned his gray suit, wound his pocket watch, and waited.
I learned that Khanum Taheri--whom I called Khala Jamila now--had once been famous in Kabul for her enchanting singing voice. Though she had never sung professionally, she had had the talent to--I learned she could sing folk songs, ghazals, even raga, which was usually a man’s domain. But as much as the general appreciated listening to music--he owned, in fact, a considerable collection of classical ghazal tapes by Afghan and Hindi singers--he believed the performing of it best left to those with lesser reputations. That she never sing in public had been one of the general’s conditions when they had married. Soraya told me that her mother had wanted to sing at our wedding, only one song, but the general gave her one of his looks and the matter was buried. Khala Jamila played the lotto once a week and watched Johnny Carson every night. She spent her days in the garden, tending to her roses, geraniums, potato vines, and orchids.
When I married Soraya, the flowers and Johnny Carson took a backseat. I was the new delight in Khala Jamila’s life. Unlike the general’s guarded and diplomatic manners--he didn’t correct me when I continued to call him “General Sahib”--Khala Jamila made no secret of how much she adored me. For one thing, I listened to her impressive list of maladies, something the general had long turned a deaf ear to. Soraya told me that, ever since her mother’s stroke, every flutter in her chest was a heart attack, every aching joint the onset of rheumatoid arthritis, and every twitch of the eye another stroke. I remember the first time Khala Jamila mentioned a lump in her neck to me. “I’ll skip school tomorrow and take you to the doctor,” I said, to which the general smiled and said, “Then you might as well turn in your books for good, bachem. Your khala’s medical charts are like the works of Rumi: They come in volumes.”

由於我和索拉雅沒有經歷過訂婚期，我對塔赫裏一家的瞭解，多半是來自婚後。例如，將軍患有嚴重的偏頭痛，每月發作一次，持續將近一個星期。當頭痛難忍的時候，將軍到自己的房間去，脫光衣服，關掉電燈，把門鎖上，直到疼痛消退才走出來。他不許任何人進去，不許任何人敲門。他終究會出來，穿着那身灰色的西裝，散發着睡眠和牀單的氣味，血紅的雙眼浮腫。我從索拉雅口中得知，自她懂事起，將軍就和塔赫裏太太分房睡。我還知道他有時很小氣，比如說他妻子把菜餚擺在他面前，他會嘗一口，就嘆着氣把它推開。 “我給你做別的。”塔赫裏太太會說。但他不理不睬，陰沉着臉，只顧吃麪包和洋蔥。這讓索拉雅很惱怒，讓她媽媽哭起來。索拉雅告訴我，說他服用抗抑鬱的藥物。我瞭解到他靠救濟金生活，而他到了美國之後還沒工作過，寧願用政府簽發的支票去換現金，也不願自貶身份，去幹那些與他地位不配的活兒。至於跳蚤市場的營生，在他看來只是個愛好，一種可以跟他的阿富汗朋友交際的方式。將軍相信，遲早有一天，阿富汗會解放，君主制會恢復，而當權者會再次徵召他服役。所以他每天穿上那身灰色套裝，捂着懷錶，等待時來運轉。
我瞭解到塔赫裏太太——現在我管她叫雅米拉阿姨——在喀布爾時，一度以美妙的歌喉聞名。雖然她從不曾得到專業訓練，但她有唱歌的天賦——我聽說她會唱民歌、情歌，甚至還會唱“拉格”，[Raga，印度的一種傳統音樂]這可通常是男人才唱的。可是，儘管將軍非常喜歡聽音樂——實際上，他擁有大量阿富汗和印度歌星演唱的經典情歌磁帶，他認爲演唱的事情最好還是留給那些地位低下的人去做。他們結婚的時候，將軍的條款之一就是，她永遠不能在公開場合唱歌。索拉雅告訴我，她媽媽本來很想在我們的婚禮上高歌一曲，只唱一首，但將軍冷冷地盯了她一眼，這事就不了了之。雅米拉阿姨每週買一次彩票，每晚看強尼?卡森 [Johnny Carson（19252005），美國著名電視節目主持人]的節目。白天她在花園裏勞動，照料她的薔薇、天竺葵、土豆藤和胡姬花。
我和索拉雅結婚之後，花草和強尼?卡森不再那麼受寵了。我成了雅米拉阿姨生活中的新歡。跟將軍防人之心甚強的外交手腕——我繼續喊他“將軍大人”，他甚至都沒糾正我——不同，雅米拉阿姨毫不掩飾她有多麼喜歡我。首先，她細數身上病痛的時候，我總是專心聆聽，而將軍對此充耳不聞。索拉雅告訴我，自從她母親中風之後，每次心悸都是心臟病，每一處關節疼痛都是風溼關節炎發作，每一次眼跳都是中風。我記得第一次，雅米拉阿姨給我看她脖子上的腫塊。“明天我會逃課，帶你去看醫生。”我說。將軍笑着說：“那麼，你乾脆退學不去上課算了，我的孩子，你阿姨的病歷就像魯米的著作，厚厚好幾冊呢。”