我還是非常"愛"你

My wife, Malathi, and I recently celebrated our 10th anniversary. Yes, it's been a whole decade since we got married, a whole decade since we stood in front of family and friends, looked into each other's eyes and thought, “Who is this person?”

我和妻子瑪拉絲最近慶祝了我們的錫婚。沒錯，我們步入婚姻的殿堂已足足有十年的光陰，距離我們在親朋好友面前，凝視着對方的眼睛，想着“這是誰？”這一場景，已經足足有十個年頭了。

We hardly knew each other back then, having met through a matriMonial ad on the internet. But after spending 10 years together and producing three children, one thing is clear: we still don't know each other.

在此之前，我們對對方知之甚少，通過網絡上的徵婚廣告才得以相識。然而，在共同生活了十載以及孕育了三個孩子之後，有一點是再清楚不過：我們仍然不夠了解對方。

If we knew each other, she wouldn't get annoyed whenever she finds me on the couch on a Sunday afternoon, as though I have any control whatsoever over the schedule of the National Football League.

無論何時，只要她發現星期天的下午我坐在沙發上，就會覺得好像是我在操控着美式橄欖球聯賽賽程，讓他們在那個時段比賽一樣，如果我們瞭解對方，那她也就不會爲此感到大爲光火了。

If we knew each other, I wouldn't have waited patiently for her outside the clothing store in the mall—I would have rented a tow truck with a hook and chain to pull her out.

如果我們瞭解對方，我就不會在商場的服裝店外面耐心等候了——我會租一輛帶着鉤連着鎖的拖車把她拖出來。

Despite not knowing each other, we've somehow managed to stay married for 10 years. That may not seem like a long time to some of our friends—a few have been married 25 years or more—but for Malathi and I, it's amazing that we're still together and even more amazing that we still occasionally talk to each other.

儘管對對方不瞭解，我們還是結爲夫婦並共同生活了十年。對我的一些朋友來說，這婚齡也許不算長——少部分人已經步入銀婚階段甚至更久——但對瑪拉絲和我來說，我們仍然在一起就夠驚喜的了，更讓人驚喜的是我們還會不時聊聊天。

In fact, you'll be glad to know that we spoke to each other just last month. I said, “Our anniversary is coming up. How do you want to celebrate it?” And she said, “I'd like to try the new Japanese restaurant in town. Do you want me to bring something home for you?” (That's what I love about her—she's so thoughtful.)

事實上，你會很高興知道我們上個月才談過話。我說：“我們的結婚周年紀念日快到了，你想如何慶祝？”然後她說：“我準備試試城裏那家新開的日本餐廳。你想讓我給你帶點什麼回來嗎？”（我就愛她這點——她真的太貼心了。）

Actually, Malathi and I talk to each other quite a lot—whenever the kids let us. The kids are 4, 6 and 8, and at any given time one of them is speaking, one of them is singing and one of them is screaming. It's hard to have a conversation when they're around, especially since they don't like to see Mommy and Daddy getting too affectionate. We usually have to speak in code—a special code that develops naturally during a marriage. Whenever Malathi wants to say “I love you,” she says, “Are you watching that stupid football game again?” And whenever I want to say “I love you,” I say, “How many pairs of shoes do you need anyway?” The kids don't realize it, but we're a very romantic couple.

其實，瑪拉絲和我經常交流，無論何時，只要孩子能容我們聊，我們就聊。孩子分別四歲，六歲和八歲，不論什麼時候其中一個在滔滔不絕，另一個就在放聲高歌，還有一個就尖聲驚叫。當他們在身邊的時候，要想和妻子對話難於上青天，特別是自從他們不太愛看到爸爸和媽媽表現親密。我們通常以“代碼”來對話——一種在婚姻中自然而然發展而來的特殊代碼。當瑪拉絲要說“我愛你”的時候，她會說“你是不是又在看那傻瓜橄欖球賽？”而當我想說“我愛你”的時候，我會說“你到底要買多少雙鞋子啊？”孩子們聽不懂，但是我們是非常浪漫的一對兒。

Our relationship has evolved and matured over the years. We're even able to communicate without saying a word to each other. For example, if I'm on the couch watching a football game and a pumpkin lands on my head, I know that Malathi needs help in the kitchen.

我們的關係這麼多年來不斷加深，越趨成熟。我們甚至能夠不用一言一語就能溝通。譬如說，如果我坐在沙發上看橄欖球比賽而突然有一個南瓜落到我頭上，我就知道瑪拉絲要我去廚房打下手。

All relationships change over time, and it's important to adapt to the changes. Just look at what I've adapted to from “then” to “now.”

所有的關係都會隨着歲月的變遷而發生改變，重要的是要適應這種改變。看看我是如何適應那些從“曾經”到“如今”的改變。

Then: Leaves romantic “I need you like I need food and water” note on the dining table.

曾經：把話語浪漫的“我需要你就如我需要水和食物”的字條留在餐桌上。

Now: Leaves frantic “I need you to buy some food and water” note on the dining table.

如今：把書寫潦草的“我要你去買水和食物”的字條留在餐桌上。

Then: Offers to make tea in the evening.

曾經：主動要求在晚上沏茶。

Now: Shouts “Where's my tea?” while checking Facebook.

如今：一邊登錄臉譜網一邊嘶吼“我的茶怎麼還沒到？”

Then: Gives compliments such as “You're so sweet! Take a bow.”

曾經：給予這樣的讚美詞——“你真香！彎下身來（給我抱抱）。”

Now: Gives advice such as “You're so sweaty! Take a bath.”

如今：給予這樣的建議——“你真臭！洗洗澡吧。”

Then: Finishes my sentences without thinking.

曾經：想都不用想就能把我想說的話說完。

Now: Finishes my sandwiches without thinking.

如今：想都不用想就能把我的三明治吃完。

Actually, the last one isn't completely true. She still occasionally finishes my sentences. Just the other day, I said, “How many pairs of shoes...” and she said, “would my husband like to dodge on a Sunday afternoon?”

其實，最後那一條倒不是真的。她現在不時還能把我想說的話說完。有一天，我說“有多少雙鞋……”然後她接口道：“我丈夫是不是想在星期天下午躲起來？”

That's a special code, of course.

當然，那是一種特殊代碼。

She means the world to me, too.

她對我來說，還是一切。