生活中總會遇到的7種討厭的人
I don’t like to judge or talk poorly about people and I sincerely believe that EVERY single person possesses at least 3 wonderful qualities.
我不喜歡評價別人或者說別人的壞話，我由衷地相信，每個人都至少具有3條極佳的品質。
In fact, it is a game I sometimes play when I get really frustrated with someone. While I am huffing and puffing, I try to find 3 positive qualities about the person, who has pushed my buttons. Not always an easy task, but 3 good qualities is a realistic number.
實際上，這是當我確認因某人而抓狂時有時會做的一個遊戲。當我要大發雷霆時，我努力去尋找惹我生氣的這個人的3條積極的品質。這並不總是一件容易的事，但是3條好品質的確是現實存在的。
So where were we… Oh, yes – people that make our life harder. Not because they are bad people, but because they do certain things that may demotivate us, hurt our feelings or rub our ego the wrong way. Ultimately, it is not their problem but ours.
好吧，我們說到哪裏了……哦，對，生活中令我們抓狂的人。這不是因爲他們是壞人，而是因爲他們做的某些事可能會讓我們失去動力、傷害我們的感情或者磨滅了我們的自我意識。歸根結底，這不是他們的問題，而是我們自己的問題。
So here is what we can do to avoid unnecessary conflicts, stress and hard feelings.
因此，做到以下幾點可以讓我們避免不必要的衝突、壓力和怨氣。
1. Teachers that suggest that we might not be talented enough to do something
暗示我們沒天分做不好某事的老師
Years ago psychologists did a classroom experiment. A group of children were randomly divided into two classes. The teachers were told that the students in first class were high achievers that should do well. The second class was labeled as “underachievers” who needed special help.
幾年前心理學家做了一個課堂實驗。一羣孩子被隨機分成兩個班。老師們被告知：第一個班裏的學生是優等生，會表現很好。第二個班的學生則被打上標籤：需要特殊幫助的“差等生”。
At the beginning of the year there was no difference between the two groups of children in terms of ability. However, by the end of the school year the class that was labeled ‘high-achievers’ did better than average work, while the class of so-called “underachievers” not only scored poorly, but they were less liked by their teacher.
在學年初，兩個班的孩子在能力方面並沒有表現出什麼不同。然而，到了學年末，被認爲是“優等生”的班級成績要出色得多，然而所謂的“差等生”的班級不僅考試分數很低，也不怎麼受老師喜歡。
It turned out that people unconsciously create situations that encourage expected behavior. If our expectations of a person are negative, we actually encourage them to behave negatively.
結果表明，人們無意中創造了一些激勵預期行爲的環境。如果我們對一個人的期望是消極的，我們真的會導致他們去做一些消極的事情。
What to do about it:
如何應對：
If you want to change someone else’s behavior, change your expectations about this person. Expect better from people, treat them accordingly and sooner or later they will begin to act that way.
如果你想改變別人的行爲，那就改變你對此人的期望。對人們期望得更好，並相應地去對待他們，遲早他們會開始如你所願去做的。
2. Bosses that ask “Would you do me a favor?” 5 minutes before you have to leave the office
在離下班5分鐘時問你“能否幫個忙”的上司
It is easy to suspect that these people are actually making our life harder on purpose. But for the sake of your own peace of mind, it is better not to let these thoughts get you all worked up.
我們很容易就懷疑，這些人實際上在故意地爲難你。但是爲了你自己內心的安寧，最好不要讓這些想法把你激怒。
What to do about it:
如何應對：
Well, there is always a polite way to say “no” and offer a constructive solution. However, if you feel that the project is urgent, take the initiative to help your team or your company out. It’s give and take.
好吧，總有一種禮貌的方式來說“不”，然後提出一個有建設性的解決方法。然而，如果你感到這個項目比較緊急，那麼就積極主動地幫助你的團隊或者公司。互相遷就一下。
Today you will stay after work to finish the project and next time your boss may be equally understanding if you have to leave work early.
今天你在下班後留下來完成項目。下一次，如果你不得不提前下班，你的老闆或許也會同樣理解你並做出讓步。
3. Mean old ladies
刻薄的老太太
There is always a reason why an old lady gives you a stern look – you are being too loud, you are dressed inappropriately, you are not crossing the street in the right place. Sometimes it can be endearing, but if you are already having a bad day, a mean old lady can drive you to the edge of frustration.
老太太嚴厲地看着你，必定會有一個原因：你說話聲音太大了，你的穿着不得體，你沒有在正確的地方過馬路。有時這也挺討人喜歡的，但是如果你心情已經很糟糕了，那麼一個刻薄的老太太會把你逼到崩潰的邊緣。
What to do about it:
如何應對：
I’ve come to realize that when people initiate conflicts, it is actually an expression of their inner state expressed externally. You, your personality, your looks or your actions have nothing to do with it. It is not personal, so why take it personally?
我漸漸意識到，每當人們激起矛盾，這實際上是一種將內在狀態外化的表現。你、你的個性、你的外貌還有你的行爲與此無關。這並不是關乎某個人的事情，所以爲什麼認爲這是針對你的呢？
4. That person, who cuts in front of everybody in line
插隊到最前面的人
This is something that gets me worked up. Even if I have plenty of time and I am not in a hurry, I still feel bad for the other people in line who are being treated unjustly. Are you more patient than I am or do you feel this kind of frustration too?
這種事讓我感到很氣憤。即使我有大把的時間，即使我並不着急，我仍然會爲受到不公待遇的其他人感到糟糕。你是比我還有耐心呢，還是也會感到這很令人抓狂？
What to do about it:
如何應對：
First, it helps to remember that where our attention goes, our energy flows. If we nurture negative thoughts or think of spiteful remarks then we are wasting our energy on negativity, instead of on our personal wellbeing. Situations like this could be a great opportunity to learn to control our initial negative responses and practice understanding.
首先，這幫助我們記住：我們的注意力在哪裏，我們的精力就流向哪兒。如果我們滋養了消極的想法或者想出了尖酸刻薄的話語，那麼我們就是在將精力浪費在消極的事情上，而不是在我們的個人幸福上。類似這樣的情形可能是一個學習控制內在消極反應、練習理解的絕佳機會。
After all, we don’t know why the person is cutting in front of everyone in line: maybe they just have a quick question or maybe there is an emergency.
畢竟，我們不知道爲什麼那個人要插隊到所有人的前面：或許他只是想很快地問個問題，或者可能出現了緊急情況。5. People that give our kids noise-making toys as a present
把製造噪音的玩具當禮物送給我們孩子的人
Last week I babysat my niece and I actually made this mistake. I bought her one of those fancy kids’ cellphones that makes sounds when you press the buttons and plays 3 different melodies. By the end of the 4th hour of her calling me and our “imaginary” friends I was actually contemplating ‘accidentally’ dropping and breaking the stupid thing.
上週，我臨時照看我的侄女，我就真的犯了這個錯誤。我給她買了一個精緻的兒童手機，一按鍵就會發出聲音，播放3種不同的音樂。在結束了長達4個小時她對我以及“假想”朋友的呼叫之後，我真的在冥思苦想如何“不慎”摔壞這個討厭的東西。
The solution to the problem was finally obtained – to wait for the right moment and then take the batteries out!
這一問題最終有了解決的方法——等待時機把電池拿出來！
What to do about it:
如何應對：
For starts, I would inform every friend and relative in your family that a drum set is off the limits. Second, I would declare that those who have the ‘genial’ idea of giving annoying noise-making toys to your children should be the ones babysitting your excited off-springs.
首先，我會通知每個親友拒收架子鼓。其次，我會聲明：那些想“友好地”送給孩子會發出惱人噪音的玩具的人，應該加入到臨時保姆的行列，照看興奮不已的孩子。
This technique definitely worked miracles for me.
這個方法顯然爲我創造了奇蹟。
6. Friends that tell you “I told you so”
跟你說“我早就告訴過你”的朋友
It is one thing to admit that you made a mistake and another to hear it from a person that you actually consider your friend. Friends should be there to support you and cheer you up when you are feeling down, not make themselves feel better at your expense, right?
這是在你犯了一兩個錯誤後，會從一個你真的將其當作朋友的人那裏聽到。朋友應該是在你身邊支持你，當你沮喪的時候鼓勵你振作的人，而不是以你爲代價而讓自己感覺良好，對不對？
What to do about it:
如何應對：
It helps to keep in mind that when people say “I told you so”, they are trying to say, “I hope that you will listen to my advice in future”. Surprisingly enough, it is their way of protecting you from future mistakes (even if this strategy does not make you feel any better). If this is not the help you need – voice it out, without getting defensive. Bring the conversation back to what they can do to help you deal with the situation.
記住這一點會對你有幫助：當人們說“我早就告訴過你”的時候，他們是在試圖說，“我希望你今後能聽取我的建議”。非常令人驚訝的是，這是他們保護你，避免你日後犯錯的一種方式（即便這一策略並沒有讓你感覺好受）。如果這不是你所需要的幫助，大聲說出來，不用有所戒備。回過頭來交談一下他們能幫你做些什麼來幫你解決問題。7. Co-workers that always have to have the last word
總是強辯到底的同事
Some people still believe that “Truth is Born of Arguments”. So they drag you into an argument and then make it their goal to prove to you that they are right (even if you both know it is not the case).
有些人仍然認爲“爭論誕生出真理”。因此他們把你拉入爭論之中，然後向你證明他們是對的（即便你們倆人都知道事實並非如此），不達目的誓不罷休。
What to do about it:
如何應對：
Agree to disagree. Any discussion, where at least one of the two parties refuses to listen soon turns into a battle of egos- me-versus-you, Who is right? sort of game. It leads nowhere, resolves nothing and when the heat of an argument cools down it leaves you feeling angry, vindictive and upset.
求同存異。在任何討論中，至少雙方中的一方拒絕再聽下去，討論很快就變成了一場有關自我的爭鬥，我對你，誰是對的？有點像遊戲吧。這不會有什麼結果，解決不了任何問題，並且當爭論的熱度降下來的時候，它會讓你感到氣憤、懷恨在心且心煩意亂。
So the ultimate question is why waste your energy on empty conflicts?
因此最終的問題是：爲什麼浪費你的精力在無意義的衝突上？
