經典幽默英語笑話

下面是本站小編整理的一些關於have用法總結，希望對大家有幫助。

　　經典幽默英語笑話：

Put your feet in

The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your Mouth and put your feet in!"

把腳放進去

一個女學生坐在座位上，嘴裏起勁地嚼着口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發現了。“瑪麗!”老師嚴厲地叫她。“什麼事，老師?”這女學生問。“把口香糖從嘴裏拿出來，把腳放進去。”

　　經典幽默英語笑話：

Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.

'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.'

'Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.' He said with a smile.

瑪麗非常討厭丈夫吸菸，一天對他抱怨說：“我希望有一天所有捲菸廠都失火。”

“不用擔心，親愛的，所有的菸捲遲早都會點着的。”他笑着說。

　　經典幽默英語笑話：

Give up your seat to a lady

Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.

"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

給女士讓座

小強尼說：“媽媽，今天早上和爸爸在公車上時，他叫我讓座給一位女士。”

媽媽說：“你做得很對呀。”

“但是，媽媽，我是坐在爸爸膝蓋上的。”

　　經典幽默英語笑話：

Give up your seat to a lady

Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.

"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

給女士讓座

小強尼說：“媽媽，今天早上和爸爸在公車上時，他叫我讓座給一位女士。”

媽媽說：“你做得很對呀。”

“但是，媽媽，我是坐在爸爸膝蓋上的。”

　　經典幽默英語笑話：

Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.

"How old are you?" he said.

"Eighteen, sir," said John.

"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

大五個月

第二次世界大戰開始了，約翰想參軍，可他只有十六歲，當時規定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫給他進行體檢時，他說他已經十八歲了。

可約翰的哥哥剛入伍沒幾天，而且也是這個軍醫給他做的檢查。這位醫生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。

“你多大了?”軍醫問。

“十八，長官。”約翰說。

“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”

約翰臉紅了，說：“哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月。”

　　經典幽默英語笑話：

I would practice perseverance more often,

and never give up a thing If we want light, we must conquer darkness.

Perseverance can sometimes equal genius in its results.

“There are only two creatures," syas a proverb,

“who can surmount the pyramids-the eagle and the snail."

If I were a boy again, I would school myself into a habit of attention;

I would let nothing come between me and the subject in hand.

I would remember that a good skater never tries to skate in two directions at once.

The habit of attention becomes part of our life, if we begain early enough.

I often hear grown up people say " I could not fix my attention on the sermon or book,a

although I wished to do so" , and the reason is, the habit was not formed in youth.

If I were to live my life over again, I would pay more attention to the cultivation of the memory.

I would strengthen that faculty by every possible means, and on every possible occasion.

It takes a little hard work at first to remember things accurately;

but memory soon helps itself, and gives very little trouble.

It only needs early cultivation to become a power.

If I were a boy again

假如我又回到了童年，我做事要更有毅力，決不因爲事情艱難或者麻煩而撒手不幹，我們要光明，就得征服黑暗。

毅力在效果上有時能同天才相比。俗話說：“能登上金字塔的生物，只有兩種——鷹和蝸牛。”

假如我又回到了童年，我就要養成專心致志的習慣;有事在手，就決不讓任何東西讓我分心。

我要牢記：優秀的滑冰手從不試圖同時滑向兩個不同的方向。

如果及早養成這種專心致志的習慣，它將成爲我們生命的一部分。

我常聽成年人說：“雖然我希望能集中注意力聽牧師講道理或讀書，但往往做不到。”

而原因就是年輕時沒有養成這種習慣。

假如我現在能重新開始我的生命，我就要更注意記憶力的培養。

我要採取一切可能的辦法，並且在一切可能的場合，增強記憶力。

要正確無誤地記住一些東西，在開始階段的確要作出一番小小的努力;

但要不了多久，記憶力本身就會起作用，使記憶成爲輕而易舉的事，只需及早培養，記憶自會成爲一種才能。

　　經典幽默英語笑話：

An American, a Japanese, a Chinese expedition in the jungle. The results were captured by tribal cannibalism. Can be tribal chiefs, said: "I'm in a good mood today, do not eat you, but you have to pay one hundred board, but you can endure before the board to have a desire to achieve." Board is the first Americans to pay. He said: "before the board to pay, give me a seat bottom cushions." Pad stop, board-like falling rain; 合previous 70 boards, 70 boards were smashed after the cushion, and then is finished ... aris , the United States left behind the old feeling. After seeing this, the Japanese asked the mattress 10. 1,2,3 ... 100 over, the Japanese rose,, all right; then the Zhang imitation of their capacity and ability to brag about a re-creation, and would like to sit while watching the show the Chinese people. Chinese people get on the ground slowly, carefree carefree said: "Come on, give me the Japanese mat."

一個美國人、一個日本人、一箇中國人在叢林探險。結果全被吃人部落抓去了。可部落酋長說："我今天心情好，不吃你們，但你們都得挨一百板子，但在挨板子前你們可以有一個願望實現。”先挨板子的是美國人。他說："挨板子前，先給我屁股墊上1個坐墊。”墊罷，板子雨點般落下;先前70板還湊合，70板之後坐墊被打爛，然後就是闆闆見血……打完，美國老摸着屁股走了。日本人見狀後，要求10個牀墊。1、2、3…100打完，日本人起身，拍拍屁股，沒事;然後張着臭嘴對自己的模仿能力和再創造能力吹噓一番，並想坐一邊看中國人的好戲。中國人慢慢趴下，悠哉悠哉地說："來，把日本人給我墊上。”

　　經典幽默英語笑話：沒想到那麼貴

A shoplifter |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

一個小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一隻手錶的時候被當場擒獲。“聽着，”小偷說，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這隻表買下，然後我們就當什麼也沒發生，你看怎樣?”經理表示同意，然後列了一張售貨單。小偷看着單子說道：“這比我最初的預算稍稍高了一點，你們還有沒有便宜一點兒東西。”