海倫·凱勒自傳《我的生活》第6期

Chapter 3

第3章

Meanwhile the desire to express myself grew. The few signs I used became less and less adequate, and my failures to make myself understood were invariably followed by outbursts of passion. I felt as if invisible hands were holding me, and I made frantic efforts to free myself. I struggled--not that struggling helped matters, but the spirit of resistance was strong within me; I generally broke down in tears and physical exhaustion. If my mother happened to be near I crept into her arms, too miserable even to remember the cause of the tempest. After awhile the need of some means of communication became so urgent that these outbursts occurred daily, sometimes hourly.

在成長的過程中，我越來越渴望表達自己的意願，但是我使用的幾個簡單的手勢已經遠遠不夠用了；而且，當我無法表明自己的意圖時，我就會氣急敗壞。我感到似乎有一雙看不見的手正在抓着我，而我則拼命地想掙脫束縛。我努力抗爭——當然並不是希求解決問題，而是想爲我內心深處強烈的反抗精神尋找出路。我通常會哭鬧不止，直至筋疲力盡。如果母親碰巧在身邊，我會悄悄地鑽進她的懷裏。我傷心至極，乃至於忘記了憤怒的原因。後來，這種情緒的爆發在每天，或者每小時都會發生，因此，對於交流的需求於我是如此地迫切。

My parents were deeply grieved and perplexed. We lived a long way from any school for the blind or the deaf, and it seemed unlikely that any one would come to such an out-of-the-way place as Tuscumbia to teach a child who was both deaf and blind. Indeed, my friends and relatives sometimes doubted whether I could be taught. My mother's only ray of hope came from Dickens's "American Notes." She had read his account of Laura Bridgman, and remembered vaguely that she was deaf and blind, yet had been educated. But she also remembered with a hopeless pang that Dr. Howe, who had discovered the way to teach the deaf and blind, had been dead many years. His methods had probably died with him; and if they had not, how was a little girl in a far-off town in Alabama to receive the benefit of them?

我的父母陷入了深深的痛苦和困惑之中。當時，我們家離任何一所盲人或聾啞學校都很遠，而且，似乎也不會有任何人能跑到像圖斯康比亞這種偏僻的地方，就爲了教一個又聾又瞎的小孩子。事實上，我的朋友和親屬們一度懷疑我真的能否接受教育。我母親唯一的希望來自狄更斯的《美國札記》，她曾讀過他寫的勞拉·布里吉曼的故事，而且她隱約記得那個女孩子也是又聾又瞎，然而卻接受了正規教育。不過她也感到希望渺茫，因爲豪博士，也就是探索傳授盲聾人知識的先驅，已經去世很多年了。而豪博士的教育方法也許會隨着他的去世而消亡，果真如此，那麼一個住在亞拉巴馬偏遠小鎮的小姑娘又如何從中受益呢？

When I was about six years old, my father heard of an eminent oculist in Baltimore, who had been successful in many cases that had seemed hopeless. My parents at once determined to take me to Baltimore to see if anything could be done for my eyes.

我六歲大的時候，我的父親聽說在巴爾的摩有一個著名的眼科醫生，他曾成功地醫治過許多看似無望的病人。於是，我的父母決定帶我去巴爾的摩，看看是不是能治好我的眼睛。

The journey, which I remember well, was very pleasant. I made friends with many people on the train. One lady gave me a box of shells. My father made holes in these so that I could string them, and for a long time they kept me happy and contented. The conductor, too, was kind. Often when he went his rounds I clung to his coat tails while he collected and punched the tickets. His punch, with which he let me play, was a delightful toy. Curled up in a corner of the seat I amused myself for hours making funny little holes in bits of cardboard.

那是一次愉快的旅行，我依然有着十分清晰的記憶。在火車上，我同許多人成了朋友。有位女士送給我一盒貝殼。我父親在上面鑽出孔洞，這樣我就可以把貝殼串在一起，很長時間我都沉醉其中，樂此不疲。列車長也是個友善的人，當他在車廂裏四處走動，爲乘客檢票打孔的時候，我常會靠在他的衣襬上。他還讓我玩他的打孔器，那實在是一種很有趣的玩具。我蜷縮在座位的角落裏自得其樂，一連好幾個小時在一片片紙板上打洞玩。