當美國人看到亞洲人的打罵教育,他們會怎麼做?

From talented young musicians to super achieving students at the top of the class, have you ever wondered why so many Asian kids seem to be so successful? Is tough love by Asian parents the answer?

不論是有才華的音樂家，還是課堂上優秀的學生。你又沒有想過爲什麼那麼多亞洲小孩這麼成功？是來自於亞洲家長的嚴厲的愛嗎？

The answer: it is, says answer Amy Chua, who stirred up a storm of controversy which she make the media around touting what she called the Tiger Mother Method of strict parenting.

這位虎媽蔡美兒的回答是：“是的”。她掀起了媒體大幅度爭論打罵教育是否正確。

Amy Chua doesn’t believe in playdates, sleepovers, she even threatened to burn her daughter’s stuffed animals if she didn’t play the piano perfectly.

虎媽不給她小孩有玩樂的時間，她甚至威脅她的女兒，如果鋼琴沒有彈得很好，就要燒掉她的娃娃。

While the book shot to the top of the best-seller list, the criticism of hardcore Asian parenting has been fierce.

自從虎媽蔡美兒的書迅速暢銷之後，許多評論家也開始擔憂這種嚴格的教育方式。

So we wonder. Will people be as vocal if they encounter a tough tiger mother in person?

所以我們好奇，如果人們親眼看見媽媽在打罵小孩，他們會發聲嗎

So we give our actor, Rachel and Misha a scenario straight from the pages of the tiger mother book, and A- is a bad grade. A tiger mother can order her kids to get perfect grades.

所以我們請演員瑞秋與米莎飾演一出跟蔡美兒的書裏一樣的情節。對於虎媽來說，A-是很糟的分數。虎媽會命令小孩要達到完美的成績。

“A-? It’s just like an F. You know in our family everybody gets an A. That’s unacceptable.”

“A-？這已經相當於不及格了。我們家人每個人都拿到A，這太誇張了。”

We set up our hidden caremas at City Limits Diner, a popular restaurant in White Plains, New York. We wait for the actions.

我們已經把隱藏攝影機架在紐約州白原市的一家受歡迎的餐廳。等待着人們會有什麼反應。

Scene 1

場景1

– We’ve been through this how many times? It’s ridiculous. Nobody in our family gets an A-. Period. – A minus?

– 每次都這樣，這太扯了！我們家沒人拿過A-。– A-?

Remarkably, it only take a few minus for diners to step in.

值得注意的是，只花了幾分鐘，就有人開始介入。

Can I say something please? Speaking to her in that way is not going to help her.

介意我說幾句話嗎？你那樣子講話，不會幫助到她的。

I want her to be excellent. That’s why I’m doing this.

我只是想要達到完美，僅此而已。

As the harsh homework session goes on, the woman is clearly disturbed.

嚴厲的功課時間繼續下去，這位女士看起來很擔憂。

Do you have a pencil? We’re gonna do this right now.

你有筆嗎？我們要馬上做掉這個。

And it’s also upsetting to this woman.

這位女士也非常擔憂。

– As a mother of course, I feel really bad. – I’m sorry, but it’s not what you think. You embarrassed me in public like this. – You’re embarrassing her in public. It’s very upsetting to me, not only her. – I apologize.

– 我也身爲母親，我覺得這樣真的很不好。– 我很抱歉，但這不是你想的那樣，你讓我在這裏丟臉了。– 是你讓她丟臉了，這也讓我很不高興，不只是她。– 我跟你道歉。

As soon as the mother leaves the table, the concerned woman jumps at the opportunity to check in on the young girl.

當這位媽媽離去時，這位擔憂的女士逮到機會馬上去關心小女孩。

– Sweetheart, look at me. Is that how your mom treats you all the time? – She just wants me to be perfect. – But if you ever feel that you’re in danger in any way, you dial 911, okay? Remember that.

– 親愛的，看着我。你媽媽都這樣對你嗎？– 她只是想要我更好而已。– 不過如果你有感覺到一點危險，不論怎樣都要打911。好嗎？記得哦。

When the tough tiger mother returns, she tries to explain her parenting philosophy.

當這位嚴厲的媽媽回來時，她表明了自己家教的立場。

– I just want her to be the best. – Sometimes you just can’t control this. You know, she’s bright. She’s absolutely grogeous. An A-, it’s still pretty good. – No, it’s not.

– 我只是想要她是最好的。– 有時候這不是你能控制的。你看，她很好她很棒。A-還是很好的成績呀。– 沒有，還不夠好。

They say they had to get involved, because they were worried about the child.

當初這兩位女士決定要干涉時，只是因爲她們擔心那位小孩。

– What’s wrong with that approach? – There’s no positive. It’s all negative. Whatever this child does, it’s not gonna be good enough.

– 這樣的家教有什麼不對？– 這樣一直都在否定，沒有肯定孩子。這樣不論做什麼都不會滿意的。

I couldn’t help listening to it for another moment. It’s not surprising that this lady turns out to be a school psychologist.

遇到這樣的狀況，我不能忍受只能在旁邊聽。知道了這位女士是學校心理輔導師之後，她跳出來幫忙這件事也就不奇怪了。

– You’re advice to parents who want to do the best for their kids academically. – The approach is everything. Sometimes they can’t always succeed to your expectations, and that’s okay.

– 你建議父母教育孩子的建議是什麼？– 教育的方式是最重要的。有時候小孩無法達到你的期望，那是正常的。

Scene 2

場景2

– You never listen. And on top of that you are lazy. Gina and her mother Ann look stunned by the harsh words they are hearing. – I’m sorry. – You’re sorry? I didn’t raise you to be mediocre. You’re a disappointment. And you know what? You’re not gonna eat them.

– 你都聽不進去。而且你還懶惰。這對母女顧客聽見了惡劣的話，她們看起來很震驚。– 對不起。– 你對不起？我養大你並不是想讓你這麼平庸。太讓我失望了。聽着，我不准你吃了。

Not going to eat? As outrageous as that sounds, in her book, author Amy Chua made a similar threat to take away meals and more.

不準吃？聽起來很過分，不過在虎媽的書中這一幕似曾相似：用奪去她的東西來威脅孩子。

Well, no daughter of mine is going to get an A-. You made me look like I’m a terrible mother. Everything I do I do for you.

我的女兒沒有拿到A-的。你讓我覺得我是很糟的母親。我這麼做都是爲了你。

For 20 agonizing minutes, the women stay silient.

在這折磨人的20分鐘裏，她們都不吭一聲。

You can’t keep trying. You have to do it. How many times do I have to tell you? Come on, you just don’t listen. Okay, you know what? I’ll be right back.

你光試沒用，你要實際做到啊。你要我跟你說幾次啊？喂，你都沒在聽！我等一下就回來。

Now Ann feels comfortable enough to check on the young girl.

現在那位年長的女士比較安心來安慰女孩。

– Are you alright, sweetheart? Can I do anything for you? – My mother is so hard on me. – I know that, everybody in this diner can hear that.

– 你還好嗎親愛的？我可以幫你什麼嗎？– 我媽媽好凶…– 我知道，這裏每個人都聽到了。

When the tiger mother comes back, the women are ready to explode.

當嚴厲的母親回來時，這位女士準備要爆發了。

– Are you bothering people? What’s wrong with you? – Chill out! Leave her alone! Leave that child alone! – She’s doing her homework…

– 你吵到別人了嗎？你怎麼搞的？– 拜託冷靜好嗎？不要再煩她了！– 她只是在寫功課…

– This is ridiculous! You are the worst parent I’ve ever seen. – You are a disgrace! – No, she’s a disgrace. – No, she is a… She’s a little girl!

– 這真的是太扯！你是我見過的最差的家長了。– 你真丟人現眼。 – 不，她在丟臉咧。– 不，她沒有，她只是個小女孩！

– You’re a bitch lady. – You see what they did to me? – No, she didn’t do it to you. You did it to yourself. You have this child petrified.

– 你這個賤女人。– 你看到她們怎麼對我嗎？– 不，跟她跟本沒關，是你自己的問題！你把這小孩嚇傻了！

– This is Rachel. She’s an actress. – I hated you, but now I know…

– 她是瑞秋。她是個演員。– 我本來恨死你了，但是現在我知道了…

This mother of two, says her heart was breaking for the young child.

這位有兩個孩子的母親，說她看到小孩這樣子心都碎了。

I didn’t want to leave, because I didn’t want to leave this baby with her.

我不想離開，丟下這個小孩跟她的母親一起。

Now your mom, jumped in, screaming.

剛剛你媽媽直接跳進去大吼。

– Your message to people who see this and do nothing…? – Step up to them please.

– 你想要對那些旁觀者說什麼嗎？– 挺身而出吧。

Scene 3

場景3

That’s wrong. You garbage! Just terrible!

這錯了！你這個垃圾！太糟糕了！

Now watch out this woman tries to quietly diffuse the situation.

注意這位女士，她想要安靜地處理這樣的狀況。

– Do I raise you to be stupid? – Calm down. Calm down.

– 我把你養大不是爲了讓你這麼蠢。– 冷靜。冷靜。

That’s just ridiculous. Missa, you write that again? When I come back, it better be perfect.

這太可笑了。米莎，你又這樣寫了？我回來後最好給我做好！

When the tiger mother doesn’t get the hint, the bystander has had enough.

當這位媽媽還沒走離時，有人已經受夠了。

– Don’t come back. Leave her alone! – Somebody dial 911.

– 別回來，別再煩她了。– 誰打下911吧。

No one calls the police. But when the mother is gone, another worried woman rushes over to comfort the daughter.

沒有人打911。但那位嚴厲的媽媽走了之後，另一位擔憂的女士前來安慰小女孩。

Don’t cry. Put your head down. Close your eyes and relax for a while.

不要哭。把頭低下，閉上眼睛休息一下。

And the woman is in no hurry to leave the young girl. She waits to confront the demanding mother.

這位女士沒有打算要離開小女孩，因爲她打算要質問那位嚴厲的媽媽。

– You just say you’re sorry to her. She’s really upset. Don’t be so down. She’s still got a beautiful A-. – I’ve never gotten an A-. My dad would have killed me. – Change it. Change the pattern. – She can be great, right?

– 你得跟她道歉。她真的很沮喪。沒必要這樣把，她得了A-也很好啊。– 我從來沒拿過A-。如果是我，我爸會殺了我。– 轉變一下方法吧。– 她可以很好的，對吧？

Stay out of it.

別打擾她們了。

When the bystanders gang up on the mother, this man Bill, tells the women to stay out of it.

當她們在爭論時，這位男士叫她們別打擾她們了。

On the defense, the tiger mother turns to him for support.

爲了反擊，嚴厲的媽媽去找那位男士的支持。

– Sir, you know why I’m say it? – I know. They should stay out of it, that’s all.

– 先生，你懂我的意思吧？– 我知道，她們不應該打擾你們的，就這樣。

– Do you understand? – Yeah, I understand. Don’t worry.

– 你能瞭解我的意思嗎？– 我知道啊，別擔心了。

– So you told these other people don’t intervene? – They took the side of the kid right away, when not knowing the circumstances.

– 所以你叫那些人不要去幹預？– 她們不瞭解細節，就斷章取義支持那孩子。

In fact, Bill says, people intervened simply because the mother and daughter are Asian.

事實上，這位男士說，她們只是因爲媽媽跟小孩都是亞洲人，纔會介入的。

– They happen to be Asians, does that…? – I don’t care what she was. She was just somebody yelling at a child.

– 她們正好是亞洲人，這個…？– 我不在乎她是什麼人種。她不應該對她的小孩大喊大叫。

– Why is that wrong to take that strict approach? – I don’t think it’s wrong to take the strict approach, but I think it’s wrong to use those words: stupid, garbage…

– 那樣嚴厲的管教方式有什麼不好？– 我覺得這樣沒有什麼不好，但是不要用那些難聽的字眼。像是笨蛋、垃圾…

Our actress, Rachel Lu, says she was called those exact words by her Taiwanese parents. So what does she think?

我們的演員瑞秋說，當初她也被她臺灣的父母罵過那些字眼。她感覺如何？

I grew up have a tiger mom and a tiger dad. They didn’t mean to make me feel bad at it. They know I would come out of it and feel stronger. That’s the philosophy.

我成長在父母嚴厲的管教下。他們不是想要真的傷害我，他們知道我會走出來，而且會更堅強。這就是這種教育的理念。

– What’s it like play the role? – It’s a little bit difficult, because it stirs up a lot of emotions of me. But I am close to my parents. So I don’t want to sort of betray them. I want to show that it’s coming from a place of love.

– 出演這個角色你有什麼感覺？– 有點難受。因爲會激起我很多情緒。但我一直待在父母親旁，我不想變成叛逆的孩子。我也想要向他們表示，我是愛他們的。

So what will Rachel’s parenting style be?

那麼瑞秋會怎麼管教她的小孩呢？

There’s no A-s, A is okay.

不可以拿A-。A是可以的。

But get this. As it turns out, author Amy Chua, who started the tiger mother uproar, had a change of heart about strict parenting, after her youngest daughter rebelled.

但看看這個。結果掀起打罵教育熱潮的作家虎媽蔡美兒，已經改變她的態度了，因爲她最小的女兒革命成功了。

I started to lose touch. But then luckily, I listened, you know, when I pulled back.

我那時開始跟她們越來越遠，但很幸運的，我聽進她們的話了。

So she’s lightened up on her own children.

所以她對她的孩子們沒那麼嚴了。

Everybody wants the best for their kids, but you have to go to that in the right way.

每個人都希望自己小孩是最好的，但也要用對的方式。

It’s a sentiment shared by so many others here.

這是這裏每個人共同的感想。

– You have to accept your child for who they are. – Let them be kids.

– 你必須接受孩子的人格發展。– 讓他們像小孩應有的樣子。