與身邊人更好相處的10個重要原則

1. Model behavior.

The most important thing you can do to convert others to your ideas is to be the best model possible. Walk the walk, and do it visibly, so others can see what you’re doing. This goes for your spouse, for your kids, for family and friends, for co-workers. Just showing how to do it can be a powerful tool indeed. Declutter your life, live more simply, and you’ll go a long way to converting others.
1.榜樣的力量.

儘可能的做一個好榜樣是尤爲重要的，你能做的就是讓別人相信你的觀點。走自己的路，正大光明，所以別人才能夠看到你做的。這樣做是爲了你的配偶，孩子，家庭，朋友以及同事。事實上，如何做到這一點可能要好好思量。好好生活，更簡單的生活。去改變別人，你還有很長一段路要走。

2. Share how important it is to you, and the benefits.

This is really the second part of being a role model: as you start to live the simple life, show others how great it is to you, how important a part of your life this is. Talk with them about it, and tell them why you’re doing this. When people understand your motivation, they can start to get on board, or at least stop feeling so threatened. And when they see how great it is for you, how happy it makes you and all the great things it brings into your life, they’ll move closer and closer to your way.
2.於你而言，分享是非常重要且有利的。

這是成爲一個真正的榜樣的第二步：對你而言，當你開始過上簡單的日子，告訴其他人這樣的日子是多麼的精彩，這演的日子是多麼的重要。與他們談論這件事，並且告訴他們你這樣做的目的是什麼。一旦他們理解了你的目的，他們開始贊同你，至少不會再感到威脅。當他們看到你的日子如此精彩，你是如此快樂，它給你的生活帶來了如此多的美好事物。他們會越來認同你的方法。

3. Ask for help.

One of the first things I did with Eva was ask for her support. Not just her consent, but her physical help. I confessed that I can’t do it on my own and I need her. Many people, if they truly care about you, want to help you. They want you to be happy, and if you tell them how they can help you succeed, they’ll do their best. If possible, make simplifying a team effort — not just something you’re doing, but something you’re all doing together. And make it fun!
3.尋求幫助.

我與女兒Eva相處，首要的是尋求她的支持。不僅僅是她口頭上的贊同，而是她實際的幫助。我承認我不能獨立完成一些事，所以我需要她的幫助。很多人，如果他們真的關心你，這些人都是想幫助你的。他們想要快樂，如果你告知他們什麼方法能夠助你成功的話，他們將會全力以赴。如果可能，使團隊的付出更加簡單，不僅僅是你正在做的一些事情，而是所有的事大家一起做。讓它變得有趣些。

4. Educate.

The best way to educate others is, as I said above, by your good example. But beyond that, you may want to share books and websites and blogs you’re reading, not in a way that insists that they change, but just to show what you’re interested in and how they might learn more if they’re interested. Documentaries, podcasts, magazines, and other good sources of information are helpful as well. You can’t force people to read or watch, but you can make it available. In addition, talk with them about it — again, not in a pushy way but in a way that shows how excited you are and how you’d like to share what you’re learning about. If they seem put off, don’t drone on and on.
4.教育.

正如我以上所說，教育別人最好的方法就是以身作則。但是除此之外，你可能想要與人分享你正在看的書，瀏覽的網站，或是博客，不是以他們堅持改變德方法，只需要表明你感興趣的，如果他們感興趣，他們可能會學得更多。紀錄片，博客，雜誌，以及另外信息的好的來源也對我們有益。你不能強迫別人去讀或者看，但是你能讓其變得有效。另外，與他們討論這些事，不要以一種強求的方式，而是表明你對此很激動，並且想要分享你正在瞭解的。如果他們看起來精神不集中，就不要一直講下去了。

5. Help them succeed.

If you do have some success converting some of the important people in your life to your way of thinking, at least to a minor degree, don’t criticize when they don’t do it as well as you’d like, or to the extent you’d like. Instead, be encouraging, be happy for them, and support them in any way you can. Again, make it a team effort.
5.幫助他人成功。

如果在你生命中一些重要的人，確實成功地被你的思考方式，至少是較小程度上的改變，如果他們沒有按照你想的那麼做，也不要去批評。相反，你應該鼓勵他們，爲他們感到高興，只要你能辦到，無論怎樣都要支持他們。另外，使其成爲一個團隊的付出。

6. Realize you can’t control or change others.

One of the most common frustrations comes when people try to control other people, or force them to change. It’s a recipe for disaster. You can try to control others, but there will always be a struggle, and you’ll always fail to some degree. This applies to your significant other, even to kids. We try to control them but we can’t, not really. Instead, try to influence others, encourage them, support them, help them find happiness. And let go of the need to control. It’s difficult but really essential here. Once you can release that need to control, you’ll find much more happiness.
6.認清你不能控制或者改變他人。

當人們試着去控制他人或者是強迫他人改變時，最常見的挫折之一也隨着而來。你可以試着去控制他人，但是通常會很糾結，在某種程度上，總是會失敗。這些適用於你重要的人，甚至是孩子。我們試着去控制別人，但是事實上，去會失敗。然而，試着去影響他們，鼓勵他們，支持他們或是幫助他們找到幸福。然後有必要地放開控制。雖然很難，但是十分必要。一旦你對這些控制放手，你將會找到更多的幸福。

7. Set boundaries.

Once you stop trying to control others, you have to find ways to live together with different goals and different ways of life. If you want to simplify and the others you live or work with don’t, how can you peacefully coexist in the same space? Some possibilities (but nowhere near an exhaustive list): decide who owns what and just simplify your own things; split up the house or office into your area and theirs; find a happy compromise between simplicity and major clutter.
7.設置邊界。

一旦你停止嘗試去控制別人，你不得不帶着不同的目標，不同的生活方式重新開始。如果你想要簡化，然而與你生活或是工作的人卻不是那樣做，你怎樣在相同的地方與這些人和平共處呢？有如下可能性(但是，是其它地方沒有的完整清單)：決定由誰擁有，簡化你自己的事情；在家裏和辦公室裏劃分不同陣營的區域；在簡單與複雜之間找一個令人滿意的折衷。

8. Have patience.

Don’t expect others to change overnight just because you have. The important people in your life might not get quite as excited about this change, because it’s not coming from them. They might not learn it as quickly as you have, or go quite as far. Or they might not want to change or support your change at all, at first … but later, they might come around. Again, don’t push or be obnoxious about it, but instead be patient, encouraging, with an attitude of sharing what you’re learning and excited about.
8.有耐心。

不要期望別人一夜之間就改變，你生命中重要的人未必會爲這種改變所激動，因爲那不是出自於他們。他們可能不會去學習他，或者。或者他們根本不會去改變或者支持你的變化，開始...但是後來，他們也許就好了。再者，不要急，不要討厭它，一定要有耐心，鼓勵自己與別人分享你正在學習和感激的

9. Change what you can.

Sometimes you can’t change everything you’d like, and you have to learn to accept that. Find areas you can control, find places that others will allow you to change, and focus on those. The other areas might come later (or they might not). This is what comes from having others in your life — you give up complete control, but you also get the wonder of sharing your life with other human beings, something I’d never give up.
9.改變你能的改變的。

有時候，你無法改變你想要一切的東西，所以你不得不去學習接受它。找到你能控制的領域，找到別人允許你改變的地方，並且關注這些。其它的領域也許會遲一點出現(也許不會出現)。這是你生活中來自於其它的部分：你放棄完全控制，但是你也令人不解地與其他人分享你的生活，有些事，我從未放棄過。

10. Find support.
If you can’t get support from some people in your life, find it elsewhere if possible. This might be from others who are doing the same thing as you — friends or family, or people in your community. It could be from online communities, such as social networks or forums. There are tons of people out there who are trying to simplify (the Zen Habits forums are just one example). Share your progress, challenges, frustrations with them, and you’ll find help from people who understand.
10.尋求支持。

在你的生活中，你不能從一些人那裏得到支持，儘可能地到處去找。它可能是來自於與你正在做同樣的事情的朋友，家人或者你的小區你的人們。也可能是來自在線社區，比如說社交網絡和論壇。在那裏有非常多的人正在嘗試着簡化(這個禪宗習慣論壇僅僅是一個例子)。與他們分享你的進步，挑戰，挫折，你就可以從過來人那裏獲得幫助。