寫給我巴基斯坦母親的信,她不知道我是同性戀
You have always defined yourself by your family, as a wife, a mother, and now a grandmother. However, our perpetual family dysfunction has meant that you've never been able to assume the role you'd like to, and I am sorry that your life has turned out this way. Nonetheless, while your marriage to my father has been a disaster, and my brother seems to have repeated your mistake of staying in a bad relationship, which in turn has affected your contact with your grandchildren, I unfortunately can't be your saviour.
作爲一個妻子，一個母親，現在是一個祖母，你總是把對自己的定義和家庭聯繫到一起。然而，我們的長期的家庭不和諧意味着你從來沒能夠承擔好你想要的角色，對於你的生活變成這樣我表示抱歉。儘管如此，當你和我父親的婚姻變成一場災難，我的哥哥似乎也重蹈你的覆轍，婚姻關係也不好，這反過來又影響了你與你的孫子的聯繫，不幸的是我卻不能成爲你的救世主。I'm gay, Mum, and while you are by no means a pious fundamentalist, I know your religion and culture means a gay son doesn't fit into the hopes you have for me, and for yourself.
我是同性戀，媽媽，雖然你不是一個虔誠的原教旨主義者，我知道你的宗教和文化意味着一個同性戀兒子不符合你對自己和我的期望I'm approaching my 30th birthday, and the not-so-subtle hints that you want me to get married have intensified. I remember when you were on a trip to Pakistan a couple of years ago, you spoke to a girl's family with a view to match making - without my knowledge. By your description, she sounded like exactly the kind of person I might be interested in - a passion for social justice, a doctor - and the picture you sent was of a happy, attractive young woman. You even roped in my dad, who usually stays out of these kinds of things, to send me an email, almost pleading with me to at least consider it, as marriage to someone like her, he explained, a "traditional" girl, with "traditional" values, could bring our family a much-needed happiness not seen in a long time.
我快30歲了，你也並沒有強烈暗示我結婚。我記得幾年前你在巴基斯坦旅行時，你和一個女孩的家人談話，在未徵得我的同意下，想給我們訂婚。按你的描述，聽起來她像是一個我可能感興趣的人，她是一位醫生，有社會正義感。你發來的的照片是一個快樂的，有吸引力的年輕女子。你甚至說服我爸爸，他通常不參與這些事情，給我發一個電子郵件，幾乎懇求我至少考慮一下，找一個像她那樣的伴侶，他解釋說，"傳統"的女孩，擁有"傳統"的價值觀，可以給我們的家庭帶來許久未見的幸福感。
I've always told myself that I'd come out to you once I'm in a happy, stable relationship.
我總是告訴自己，一旦我有了幸福穩定的戀情，我會立刻告訴你。My initial reaction was of anger that you'd bandied together with my dad to help curate a life for me that you wanted. Then there was guilt that I couldn't give you what you wanted because of my sexuality. In the end, I didn't use this as an opportunity to come out, but neither did I capitulate.
我最初的反應是憤怒，因爲你和爸爸一起策劃我的生活，而這種生活是你想要的。然後我會內疚，因爲我的性取向，我不能給你想要的。最後，我沒有利用這件事來說明我的性取向，但我也沒有投降。
You're a wonderful mother, but what a lot of non-immigrant friends don't always realise is that while it's true that you want me to be happy, you want me to be so in a way that fits into a world you understand. That inevitably changes between generations, but the chasm between first and second-generation immigrants can sometimes be too big to overcome.
你是一個很好的母親，但很多非移民的朋友並沒有意識到，雖然你真的希望我快樂，但你希望我通過適合你理解的世界來得到快樂。不同輩分之間這種意識會不可避免的變化，但第一代和第二代移民之間的裂痕有時可能太大，不容易克服。Maybe one day I could fit into your world, but for the time being, I'll continue to play a role you at least partially recognise.
也許有一天我能融入你的世界，但在目前，我會繼續扮演一個你至少能部分承認的角色。
