自戀者的10個雙重標準(下)

6. Entitled but depriving.

6. 渴望被認可又吝於付出

They expect affection and approval, yet give it sparingly. Like a parent who, when his child comes home in tears from a painful relationship breakup, abruptly launches into a rant about the person who cut in front of him at the checkout line.

他們期望被喜愛和認可，然而又對付出有所保留，比如說當他的孩子因爲戀愛分手傷心流淚時，便會是這種情形；他們也會在排隊結賬時，突然對到他面前插隊的人怒吼。

Narcissists’ love and affection are conditional, offered up when you are in their favor but vanishing for reasons that may be hard to fathom.

自戀人羣者的喜愛是有條件的，當你對他們有利的時候，你會主動給予，但也會因爲一些可能難以理解的原因而消失。

7. Combative but defensive.

7. 爭強好勝又不服輸

Some people with narcissism seem defined by opposition. They pick fights, use sarcasm and personal insults, and always seem to have an enemy. Yet, they can become rapidly incensed if anyone dares to question or challenge them.

一些自戀的人似乎是與敵對者定義在一起的。他們選擇打架，嘲諷和人身攻擊的行爲，看起來總有一個敵人。然而，如果有人膽敢質疑或挑戰他們，他們就會迅速被激怒。

8. Righteous but brittle.

8. 生活規整但易失控。

Narcissists need to be right and in the know. They tend to view the world in right-or-wrong, black-and-white terms. They may be obsessed with cleanliness, order, details, rules, or schedules. But if their routine goes off the rails, or if they feel uncertain or humiliated, they may sink into despair or lash out with blame.

自戀者需要規正而洞悉一切的生活。他們傾向以對與錯、黑與白的方式來看待世界。他們可能會糾結一整潔有序的細節、規則或日程安排。但如果他們的日常生活偏離了軌道，或者他們感到不確定或屈辱，他們就會陷入絕望或者自責之中。

9. Attention-hungry but stingy in sharing the spotlight.

9. 渴求關注又不分享聚焦的榮耀

Attention is a narcissist’s drug of choice. When others are talking, they may either zone out or become impatient until they can steer the conversation back to themselves. Yet, while narcissists seek to stand out like a 5,000-watt bulb, they begrudge others a chance to shine.

注意力對自戀羣體是無可救藥的選擇。當別人說話的時候，他們可能會不以爲意或變得不耐煩，直到他們把談話引導回自己。然而，儘管自戀者想要脫穎而出，就像一個5000瓦的燈泡一樣，他們卻嫉妒別人一絲絲的光芒。

If a loved one is in a good mood and a narcissist is not, the narcissist may delight in ruining the other’s mood, almost as though when anything positive happens to someone else, it is the narcissist’s loss.

如果自戀者喜愛的人心情好，而自戀者心情不佳時，他們可能會以破壞他人的情緒爲樂，就好像任何好事發生在別人身上時，對自戀者都是損失。

10. Emotionally demanding but clueless.

10. 情緒變化任性卻不知錯

Narcissists give themselves full permission to rage, sulk, preen, and take up all the emotional air in a room. Like a relative whose antagonistic behavior ruins a family holiday then acts blameless or clueless, narcissists seem unaware of the pain they cause others.

自戀者任由自己憤怒、生氣、開心得意，所有人都要以他的情緒爲中心。比如，一個情緒憤怒的自戀者親戚破壞了一個溫馨的家庭假日，然後他卻表現得無可指責或毫無內疚，似乎沒有意識到他們給別人帶來的痛苦。

If you tend to expect compassion, reciprocity, and fairness from others, dealing with narcissists can be mystifying.

如果你傾向於期待他人的同情、互惠和公平，那麼與自戀者打交道可能會讓人感到困惑。

However, when you realize that people with narcissism are endlessly fighting to ward off threats to their shaky self-esteem, their behavior is less puzzling.

然而，當你意識到那些自戀的人不停地在爲自己搖搖欲墜的自尊糾結時，他們的行爲就不那麼令人費解了。

Knowing this can allow you to adjust your expectations and not take their actions so personally.

知道了這些，你就可以調整自己的期望，而不是把他們行爲單單理解爲個體的行爲。