雙語英語文摘

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　　如何擺脫無謂的煩惱

Many of our problems come from within our own minds. They aren't caused by events, bad luck, or other people. We cause them through our own poor mental habits. Here are 10 habits you should set aside right away to free yourself from the many problems each one will be causing you.

許多問題的造成其實並不是因爲我們自己運氣差或者別人有意爲之。事實上，這些問題往往是由我們自己的壞習慣產生的。這裏列出了十個習慣希望能夠幫助你擺脫這些自己造成的麻煩又沒必要的煩惱：

Stop jumping to conclusions. There are two comMon ways this habit increases people's difficulties. First, they assume that they know what is going to happen, so they stop paying attention and act on their assumption instead. Human beings are lousy fortune-tellers. Most of what they assume is wrong. That makes the action wrong too. The second aspect of this habit is playing the mind-reader and assuming you know why people do what they do or what they're thinking. Wrong again, big time. More relationships are destroyed by this particular kind of stupidity than by any other.

不要過早下結論。過早下結論會通過兩條途徑爲你製造麻煩。第一是，你會認爲自己已經瞭解所有的事情的發展，所以不再重視這件事情，而按照自己假設的發展方式操作事情。可惜人類並不是一種會算命的種類，所以大部分的假設都是錯誤的，這樣也導致的事情常常失敗;第二是，你會猜測別人的想法並且會做出假設，同樣的，這些假設通常也是錯誤的。而且這些愚蠢的假設也導致了你與他人的關係被破壞。

Don't dramatize. Lots of people inflate small setbacks into life-threatening catastrophes and react accordingly. This habit makes mountains out of molehills and gives people anxieties that either don't exist or are so insignificant they aren't worth worrying about anyway. Why do they do it? Who knows? Maybe to make themselves feel and seem more important. Whatever the reason, it's silly as well as destructive.

不要小題大做。很多人因爲一些小挫折的刺激而做出過激的反應。小題大做使人變得緊張兮兮，產生過多的憂慮。

Don't invent rules. A huge proportion of those “oughts” and “shoulds” that you carry around are most likely needless. All that they do for you is make you feel nervous or guilty. What's the point? When you use these imaginary rules on yourself, you clog your mind with petty restrictions and childish orders. And when you try to impose them on others, you make yourself into a bully, a boring nag, or a self-righteous bigot.

不要發明規則。過分的使用“應該”和“應當”是沒必要的。這些詞除了讓你感到緊張外，不會有任何用處。爲什麼?因爲當你使用這些發明的規則時，你會變得受約束和有孩子氣的命令口氣。而當你試圖將這些規則強加於他人時，只會讓別人對你產生厭惡的情緒(霸權，自以爲是的)

Avoid stereotyping or labeling people or situations. The words you use can trip you up. Negative and critical language produces the same flavor of thinking. Forcing things into pre-set categories hides their real meaning and limits your thinking to no purpose. See what's there. Don't label. You'll be surprised at what you find.

避免給他人扣帽子。對別人否定的評價也會限制你對他的看法和想法。所以，避免預先給別人扣帽子，說不定你就可以發現別人其他不同一般的地方。

Quit being a perfectionist. Life isn't all or nothing, black or white. Many times, good enough means exactly what it says. Search for the perfect job and you'll likely never find it. Meanwhile, all the others will look worse than they are. Try for the perfect relationship and you'll probably spend your life alone. Perfectionism is a mental sickness that will destroy all your pleasure and send you in search of what can never be attained.

別做完美主義者。生活並非十全十美的。若尋找一個完美的工作職位，卻永遠找不到它，而一些看起來好的也並非那麼好。追求完美主義是一種精神基本，它會摧毀你的一切快樂並且建立一堆你不可能實現的目標。

Don't over-generalize. One or two setbacks are not a sign of permanent failure. The odd triumph doesn't turn you into a genius. A single event-good or bad-or even two or three don't always point to a lasting trend. Usually things are just what they are, nothing more.

不要過分概括。一兩次的挫折並不意味着永遠失敗，幾次成功也不能說明你是一個天才。一件事--好或壞--或者二或三件事並不代表永久的趨勢。一件事的成敗就是它的成敗，不要過分誇大其失敗的教訓和成功的經驗。

Don't take things so personally. Most people, even your friends and colleagues, aren't talking about you, thinking about you, or concerned with you at all for 99% of the time. The majority of folk in your organization or neighborhood have probably never heard of you and don't especially want to. The ups and downs of life, the warmth and coldness of others, aren't personal at all. Pretending that they are will only make you more miserable than is needed.

不要懷疑別人在討論自己。大部分的人，包括你的朋友和同事，在99%的時間內並沒有討論你或者考慮你。很多職位的同事和鄰居甚至都不會認識你。別人對你的態度冷熱大部分都非私人的想法。不斷地懷疑別人在討論自己只會讓你多疑和痛苦。

Don't assume your emotions are trustworthy. How you feel isn't always a good indicator of how things are. Just because you feel it, that doesn't make it true. Sometimes that emotion comes from nothing more profound than being tired, hungry, annoyed, or about to get a head-cold. The future won't change because you feel bad-nor because you feel great. Feelings may be true, but they aren't the truth.

不要總憑直覺判斷。你的直覺並不是總是一個正確的指示器，因爲你只覺得會這樣，但“覺得”並不說明這就就會是正確的。未來並不會因爲你的直覺感覺會這樣而改變。感覺可能是真的，但不一定是對的。

Don't let life get you down. Keep practicing being optimistic. If you expect bad things in your life and work, you'll always find them. A negative mind-set is like looking at the world through distorting, grimy lenses. You spot every blemish and overlook or discount everything else. It's amazing what isn't there until you start to look for it. Of course, if you decide to look for signs of positive things, you'll find those too.

不要讓生活拖垮你，學着樂觀一些。如果你期盼有壞事發生，想必常常都真的發生了。一個消極的人對於事物的看法都是扭曲的，他會發現世界是灰暗的，到處都是污點。換個方向想，如果你嘗試去尋找一些積極的事情，你也一定會發現它們的。

Don't hang on to the past. This is my most important suggestion of all: let go and move on. Most of the anger, frustration, misery, and despair in this world come from people clinging to past hurts and problems. The more you turn them over in your mind, the worse you'll feel and the bigger they'll look. Don't try to fight misery. Let go and move on. Do that and you've removed just about all its power to hurt you.

不要沉迷於過去不可自拔。這是我認爲這是最重要的一點：放開那些已經過去的事情，繼續你的生活。很多的憤怒、沮喪、痛苦和絕望都是因爲沉迷於過去的傷害和問題而造成的。你把這些已經過去的事情看得越重要，你的生活也就越沉重，你也更難從傷害中擺脫。不要嘗試與這些過去的事件爭鬥，因爲它們已經過去了，所以放開手，往前走。

　　Is Overwhelming Shyness Holding You Back?

Were you one of those shy kids clinging to your mom's leg? Did you dodge attention, feel inferior and avoid being called out? Still doing that as an adult?

童年時你是否喜歡躲在媽媽身後?那時你是否害怕引人注意，被人一喊名字你就戰戰兢兢?成後年你還是那樣嗎?

Shyness and overwhelming self-doubt are more common than you think, and they're holding back millions of people just like you from living more exciting and fulfilling lives. But it doesn't mean that you can't destroy that terrifying fear that has been holding you back. You aren't meant to be shy. And there is no reason you can't shine in your own way.

其實害羞和極度自我懷疑比你想象的要常見，它們拖住了成千上萬個像你一樣的人的步伐，阻礙他們享受生活的刺激，干擾他們充實生活。但這並不意味你對其束手無策。膽怯也並非註定。世間沒有任何力量能夠阻止你發出耀眼的光芒。

From social gatherings, to business meetings, to your one-on-one relationships, if you want to break free from shyness, create better relationships and be more comfortable in your skin when you are around people then read on. There are time-tested techniques that have served me well in my personal life, as well as helping my clients. In a world where relationships are everything, you must set yourself apart and still stay true to who you are. Here is how to break free from shyness:

從社交聚會，到商務會議，再到二人關係，如果你想掙脫膽怯的繩索，打造更好的人際關係，或者想在人多的場合中感到舒適自在，那就繼續往下讀。我個人就有一些歷經時間篩選的方式，它們適用於我，同時也幫助了我的客戶。在這個關係說了算的時代，你必須在面面俱到的同時又不忘自我。以下就是克服羞怯的方式：

It's more of a mindset than what you do.

膽怯只是心態問題

From someone who has overcome overwhelming shyness and helps people gain more self-confidence to create more connection with other people, I'm about to break it down for you. What you are about to learn is the mindset of people who stand out, go after what they want and have great relationships.

作爲一個克服了自我膽怯並且成功幫助他人獲得社交自信的過來人，我也將助你攻克難關。你需要學習那些出衆的人的心態，看他們有哪些需求，又是怎樣建立了廣泛的人脈資源。

This is a state of mind that if adapted will help you in your love life, your career, your health and your spiritual life.

如果你掌握了這種心態，那你的愛情、事業、健康和精神世界都將得到幫助。

What are some limiting beliefs about yourself that you currently hold that need to be changed?

至今你有哪些侷限的思維需要改變?

Set realistic expectations.

樹立實際期望

Everyone wants something different. One person may want to be on stage, whereas someone else may just want to be comfortable on a date or in a business meeting.

每個人都想有所作爲。有人渴望萬衆矚目，也有人期待一場快樂的約會或者會議。

As you learn these techniques and insights, it is important to be very clear about what you want and what it looks like. The goal here is to get you to feel good about being who you are and connecting with people.

你要掌握這些技巧和洞察力，因爲你得清楚自己想要什麼，清楚那些渴望是怎樣的情形。這個目的在於讓你自信地做自己也能自信地與人交往。

Everyone has a different expectation when it comes to what they want and how they want to feel when they connect to people.

說到與人打交道和其目的時，每個人都有不同的期許。

What do you want? How do you want to feel when you are around people? What does that look like for you?

你的目的是什麼?當你與別人在一起時你是作何感受?而你又是怎樣的狀態?

Focus on sharing.

注意分享

By far, the most effective technique in overcoming shyness is to switch your consciousness from you to them.

目前爲止，克服膽怯最爲有效的方式就是將自我意識轉移到他人身上。

Remember the last time you were in a situation and you were nervous or shy? I'd be willing to bet you were focusing on yourself: how you looked, what you were going to say, or how different you were from everyone else.

還記得最近那個使你緊張或羞怯的場景嗎?我敢打賭你肯定是將注意力集中到自己身上了：你在乎自己的外表，關心要說什麼話或者如何做到與衆不同。

People that shine are focusing on delivering, serving and benefiting others in some way. They focus outward, not inward. Sure, it's important to be aware of how you are being perceived, but people always remember how you make them feel. In order to make them feel good you must focus on sharing with them.

出衆的人都只注意與別人交流，爲他人服務或幫助他人。他們看見的是外在事物而非自我感受。當然，偶爾注意下別人對自己的看法也是有必要的，但人們往往只會記得你給他們的印象。所以爲了讓對方有個好印象，你必須專注於分享。

Next time you are in an uncomfortable situation, shift your focus to someone else and ask yourself how you can help them or add value to their lives.

下次如果你處於彆扭的情形中，就把自我身上的注意力轉到別人身上吧，並且問問自己怎樣才能幫助他們或者給他們的人生增添價值。

Be interested instead of trying to be interesting.

對周圍感興趣，而非讓周圍對你感興趣

Make the focus of every conversation about someone else at first. This will take the pressure off of you and make them feel significant. Asking questions and genuinely caring about what the person says immediately gets you out of your own head and makes the person feel special.

開始要將注意力集中在和別人的每場對話中。這能減少壓力並且別人也能找到存在感。無論對方在談論何事，你都要及時提點問題並且由衷地關心，這樣才能避免你沉浸在自我的世界中，同時說話的人也會感到有意義。

Be mindful not to interrogate, but simply show a curiosity about their world. Actually listen to their voice and less to that voice of doubt in your head.

注意不要去打斷別人，可以時不時地表現出你的好奇。要真正地聽取對方的話，而不要在腦袋中質疑內容的正確與否。

Your outcome is to have the confidence to create more authentic relationships with people. In order to do that you must build a comfortable bond with them. When you discover more about someone, connect your similar interests to create that bond.

你的目的是有信心去建立更加牢靠的關係。爲了做到這一點你必須在彼此間找到對味的話題。當你更加了解一個人之後，你仍要興趣不減地繼續創造那種話題。

How will you start to be more interested in people? Will you ask them about their job, their taste in music, or an experience they had? Next time you do, seek for common interests to build a bond.

那你要怎樣才能做到對一個人更加感興趣呢?你會問及他們的工作，音樂的品味或者曾有過的經歷嗎?下次問別人的時候，找一個共同感興趣的話題。

Embrace vulnerability.

擁抱脆弱

Trying to pretend that you are not nervous makes people nervous.

故作鎮定只會讓別人不淡定。

I was in a small workshop one time, shaking in my shoes. I just came right out and said, “You know what, you guys? This is my first time speaking in front of you and I'm terrified! Yikes!” Everyone opened up and started joking around. It broke the ice. I immediately felt more comfortable because I felt a part of them.

有一次在一個小車間裏，我緊張得雙腳哆嗦。於是我就站了起來然後說道，“夥計們，你們知道嗎?這是我第一次在大家面前發言，緊張死了!哎呀!”衆人聽了都放開了，接着開始說笑。尷尬的局面就這樣被打破。我瞬間覺得不忐忑了，因爲找到了歸屬感。

Brené Brown, an expert in vulnerability (yes, there is actually an expert in vulnerability)， says that courage actually comes from vulnerability. Ironically, people actually find vulnerability endearing. It makes them want to protect you, it makes you human, and it makes you relatable.

布勒。布朗是脆弱專家(確實，真的有這種專家)，他說勇氣實則源自脆弱。滑稽的是，人們事實上覺得脆弱是討喜的事。因爲那能讓別人對你產生保護欲，而你也因此才具人性，這是能產生共鳴的特點。

Trust me, I hung out with the cool kids and the oddballs, too. They are all the same. Everyone freaks out at some time or another. Be vulnerable. It's OK!

相信我，潮人和異類我都接觸過。二者都一樣。但人們有時就是排斥其中之一。所以，脆弱沒什麼大不了!