雙語閱讀：看看你是否到了戀愛瓶頸期
摘要：美好的戀情總會有瓶頸的時期。看看下面四個信號對比一下，測測自己是否真正處在值得的戀情之中吧-順便看看如何化解危機。
There are relationships, and there are entanglements. Read on to discover the four signs that mean you're not experiencing the kind of real love you truly deserve -- and what to do about it.
A relationship is one in which both people are free to be themselves, yet there is no shortage of intimacy. No fear that doing what you love or being who you are or taking time for yourself will drive the other person away.
美好的戀情總會有瓶頸的時期。看看下面四個信號對比一下，測測自己是否真正處在值得的戀情之中吧-順便看看如何化解危機。
戀愛指的是雙方都可以隨心所欲地做自己，同時又不失親密。不用擔心做自己喜歡的事或者做真實的自己會把另一半嚇跑。
看看你是否到了戀愛瓶頸期
In a relationship, neither person needs the other to "complete" them. Both people are awake to themselves, their feelings and thoughts, and are open to the flow of love and attention with one another.
在戀愛中，我們不需要去迎合對方。雙方都是忠於自己的感受、想法，也可以時不時流露出對對方的愛意和關注。
It's about two equals celebrating together rather than "needing" something from the other.
這是兩個平等獨立個體的組合，而絕不是從自己的需求出發相互索取。
Signs You're in an Entanglement
戀愛瓶頸期的徵兆
Entanglements may look like a relationship on the surface. You might spend a lot of time together, you've met each other's friends and family, and people refer to you as a "couple."
戀愛瓶頸期就好比表面的戀愛關係。也許你們會花很多時間泡在一起，也見過對方的朋友和家人，大家也都把你們看成“一對”。
But you're not having a real relationship -- at least not one that is characterized by love and harMony.
但是你沒有實質上的戀愛關係-至少不是充滿愛和美好的關係。
1. You keep having the same issues
同樣的爭吵犯了又犯
When you find yourself having the same old argument with your partner for the umpteenth time, that's a pretty good sign you're likely in an entanglement. If you had the same problem in your previous relationships, or keep picking partners with similar issues, that's a tip-off, too.
如果你和另一半總是爲類似的事情吵架，明顯說明你們到了戀愛瓶頸期。如果你在上一段關係中有同樣的問題，或者你挑選的伴侶總是有這樣的問題，這也是一個警告。
Patterns that repeat -- especially from relationship to relationship -- indicate that you have unresolved feelings from the past, creating a destructive dynamic that keeps you from enjoying harmony.
如果每次爭吵的模式都一樣，尤其是從一段戀情到另一段戀情，那就表明你並沒有從前一段戀情的傷害中走出來，無法享受愛的美好。
2. You don't feel safe or understood
你沒有安全感，感覺自己不被理解
One of the clearest signs of entanglement is that it is hard for one person to let the other person feel his or her feelings and tell the truth about them. Entanglements feel like you have to shut down a part of yourself. If you're feeling like your partner just doesn't get you, and that you're not free to say exactly what's on your mind, you know you're not in a real relationship.
戀愛瓶頸期中最明顯的一個特徵，就是很難讓另一半感知自己的感受、很難告訴對方自己真實的感受。戀愛瓶頸期，你不自覺地隱藏起自己的一部分。如果你覺得另一半就是不懂你，你不能再去隨心所欲地說出所想，那麼你的戀愛就有問題了。
3. Someone always needs to be right
兩個人非要分出誰對誰錯
In a real relationship, each person is "awake" to his or her role in a problem, and the priority for both is relationship growth. Entanglements are characterized by power struggles. Both people are vying for the title of victim, thus making the other the perpetrator. Nobody ever wins.
在美好的戀愛關係中，在矛盾中每個人都“清楚”自己的角色，對兩個人來說沒有什麼比經營感情發展更重要的了。然而在戀愛瓶頸期，兩個人有一種無形的鬥爭。兩個人都認爲自己是委屈的一方，而把責任推卸給另一半。然而這樣的戀情中，其實兩個人都輸了。
4. It's just so hard
兩個人相處就是不對，身心俱疲
If you're feeling drained with your partner, you're likely caught up in an entanglement. In a harmonious relationship, both people take responsibility for any issues that arise, and they come up with creative solutions that further add to the positive feelings they share.
如果你覺得跟另一半在一起身心俱疲，那麼你們可能就到了瓶頸期。在一段美好的戀愛關係裏，兩個人對出現的任何問題都勇於承擔，一起去想出有創造性的解決方案來給彼此的感情增彩。
What to Do if You're in an Entanglement: 2 Steps
身處戀愛瓶頸期怎麼辦：2步走
So what if you have the terrible feeling that you're in an entanglement right now, or that you've been in entanglements before?
如果你現在或是過去真的處在戀愛瓶頸期，感覺無比難受，該怎麼辦呢?
Relax: It's completely normal. Most people have been in an entanglement, and a lot of them have been in many.
放鬆：戀愛瓶頸真的非常正常。大部分人都會遇到瓶頸期，且大多數人經歷不止一次。
So, here's what you need to do:
所以，下面是你需要做的：
Step 1: Identify that you're in an entanglement
步驟1：意識到戀愛到了瓶頸期
Knowing whether you're in a pattern of entanglement is key to resolving it once and for all. Otherwise, there's a "blind spot" that keeps you from moving forward, and you're doomed to keep repeating the pain and struggle.
意識到你是否身處戀愛瓶頸期是解決問題的關鍵。否則，這就是一個”大盲點“阻礙你的戀情發展，讓你註定不斷重複傷痛和掙扎。
Step 2: End the entanglement or transform it into a real relationship
步驟2：終止戀情或把瓶頸期調整正常
Once you know you're dealing with an entanglement, you can harness all that energy you've been spending on conflict, and instead use it to come up with creative solutions. You can transform the entanglement into a real relationship, or you can end the entanglement with peace of mind, armed with the insight you need to create love and harmony in the future.
一旦知道自己身處戀愛瓶頸期，你可以集結以往處理矛盾的所有精力去想一個切實有效的解決辦法。你可以把這段瓶頸戀愛轉化爲更美好的戀愛關係，或者是冷靜之後終止戀情，並且明白以後你需要自己去創造愛與和諧美好。
