男人應該如何接近女人,千萬不要吹口哨了

(CNN) -- If you are a woman, you've likely experienced the creepy, disrespectful and sometimes scary way some men treat you as you walk down the street -- lewd looks, unwanted comments, compliments about your body, elongated necks craning to see your backside, catcalls, even being followed.
(CNN) --作爲女人，在走在大街上時，你很可能經歷過男人的這些噁心的、無禮的，有時甚至是可怕的對待，比如說色眯眯的注視，評頭論足，恭維你的身材或容貌，伸長脖子看你的背面，吹口哨，甚至是跟蹤你。

It can be very hard to explain why catcalls and unwanted comments aMount to harassment. Thankfully, there's a new video online that drives it home. In it, a woman walks around Manhattan for 10 hours(a hidden video camera is in front of her and she's got microphones in each hand.) She's harassed 108 times as she walks (silently) down the streets of the city. In two instances she's followed; one of the guys walks beside her for over five minutes. It's very eerie.
很難說清楚爲什麼吹口哨和評頭論足就等同於騷擾。謝天謝地，網上有一個新視頻能說明這一切。在視頻中，一個女人在曼哈頓的大街上走了10個小時，她的前面有一個隱藏起來的攝像機，雙手都帶有麥克風。在靜靜地走過這個城市的街道時，她受到了108次騷擾。她兩次被跟蹤；其中一個傢伙跟了她超過5分鐘。這太可怕了。

It's a very sobering and enlightening experience to watch the barrage of harassment happen. And sadly, since so many of you believe that women provoke violence and even rape based on how they dress -- get this, the woman in the video is wearing a plain T-shirt and jeans. There's no cleavage or midriff or bare leg showing -- she's just a gal walking down the street.
看着這些騷擾接二連三地發生，不僅令人不禁恍然大悟。令人悲哀的是，你們中的很多人認爲女人招致暴力甚至是強暴，是因爲她們穿的太少，看看這個，視頻中的女人穿着普通的T恤和牛仔褲。沒有露乳溝，沒有露肚臍，沒有露大腿，她只是一個走在大街上的姑娘。

The video is compelling, particularly for women. It is uncomfortable to be harassed like this walking down the street, and yes, harassment is exactly what it is. In fact, in many states, it's also illegal.
這個視頻是振聾發聵的，特別是對女性來說。走在大街上時，像這樣被騷擾是令人不舒服的，是的，這就是騷擾。事實上，在很多州，這也是非法的。

For a long time, I didn't see it that way. Maybe it's because I make a living giving keynotes on leadership and at 45 have grown to be a very confident, extroverted person. Every time a man would say "Hey Beautiful" to me, I'd just look him straight in the eyes, shoot a smile and shout back "Yo what's up" -- which works like a charm, de-sexualizes the whole thing, keeps it Midwestern friendly while leaving the guy speechless that I asserted myself.
很長時間以來，其實我認爲這沒什麼大不了的。這也可能是因爲我經常給領導階層做主題報告，並且我已經45歲了，已經變成一個足夠自信、性格外向的人。每次有男人對我說“嘿，美女”時，我只是直視着他的眼睛，露出微笑，回敬一句“嗨，怎麼了”，立馬將難題化解於無形，保持中西部風格的友好，摒除其中的性別成分，同時我敢保證能讓那個傢伙無話可說。

But my opinion about catcalls changed when I saw it happen to my daughter. She's a beautiful girl, and just 15. A few weeks ago, we were walking in Boston -- she was in jeans, LL Bean boots and a flannel shirt -- yet the majority of guys eyed her head to toe and about half of them turned back to check out her butt. With every look, the momma bear in me started to get really angry. Sawyer, on the other hand, just got very quiet. When we crossed the street in front of a work site, she just stared at the ground.
但當騷擾發生在我女兒身上時，我的想法發生了變化。她是個漂亮的姑娘，只有15歲。幾周前，我們在波士頓街頭散步，她穿着牛仔褲，LL Bean牌的靴子和法蘭絨襯衫，然而大多數的男人都從頭到腳地盯着她看，大約一半人還回頭看她的臀部。母性使我真的要生氣了，然而索伊卻不發一言。當我們穿過街道，走到一處工地時，她只是緊盯着地面。

My viewpoint changed that day. She didn't want the attention; she just wanted to walk down the sidewalk and window shop. And, more importantly, she didn't know how to handle it.
我的觀點在那天起改變了。她不想要那種關注；她只想走過人行道和商店的櫥窗。並且，更重要的是，她不知道如何處理這一切。

That's the crux of it. When you catcall, the attention, the comments, the looks are unwanted and they can make a woman feel emotionally and physically uncomfortable. A woman (or a girl) walking down the street just wants to be left alone. She's not interested in what you think about her body or her face. If she was, she'd ask you.
這就是問題所在。當你們的吹口哨、注視、評頭論足和你們的相貌不是姑娘們想要的時候，這些會使姑娘們在情感上和身體上不自在。一個女人（或女孩）只想自由自在地在大街上行走。她對你對她容貌和身材的看法不敢興趣。如果她有興趣，她會問你的。

It's hard for guys to understand this, particularly when the sex center of the male brain is 2.5 times larger than the female sex center in the brain. Guys will likely always have sex on the brain more than women do. And sexual desire and power is absolutely at the root of catcalls -- that's why you hoot, holler, leer, jeer at a woman -- and it's also why guys think there's nothing wrong with it. Whether a woman or a girl can handle the attention isn't relevant; guys shouldn't be putting women and girls in a position in which they feel like they are getting eyed like a piece of meat.
男人很難理解這些，特別是因爲男性大腦中的性區是女性大腦裏的性區的2.5倍。男性腦中想着上牀的次數要比女性多得多，性需求和驅使絕對是吹口哨的根本原因，這就是你們對女性大聲叫嚷、窺視、調戲的原因，並且這也是男人並不認爲這有什麼錯的原因。女人或女性能否應對這些關注與他們無關；男人不應該像盯着一塊肉一樣，死死盯着女人和女孩。How should men approach women?
男人應該如何接近女人？

There's a huge difference between harassing a woman on the street with catcalls and actually trying to have a conversation with her. In case you fellas do want to speak with a woman, her are a few rules:
在大街上吹口哨騷擾一個姑娘與真正想與姑娘交談有着巨大的差別，你們這些傢伙如果真想和一個姑娘交談，要遵循這些規則：

1. Speak "to" her, not "at" her.
“與”她說話，而不是“對着”她說話。

Whistles, shouts, hoots, hollers, kissing and animal sounds may help you hail a cab, but if you do it to a woman you don't know, it's harassment.
口哨、叫喊、高聲大笑、嘟嘟囔囔、飛吻和學狗叫也許會幫助你叫輛出租車，如果你用在姑娘身上，你要知道這就是騷擾。

2. Start a conversation "with" her, not "about" her.
“和”她交談，而不是對她“評頭論足”。

Talk about the weather, the day, the book she's reading, because then it is a conversation. Do not talk about her hair, her smile, her outfit, her legs, her booty or her appearance, because that's harassment.
談論天氣、當天和她在看的書，因爲這之後就會有更深的交流。不要談論她的頭髮，她的微笑，她的服裝，她的腿，她的臀部或她的外貌，因爲這是騷擾。

3. If she walks away do not follow her.
如果她走開了，不要跟蹤她。

If she ignores you, drops eye contact or keeps walking -- just leave her alone. If you start following her, you aren't complimenting her, you are stalking her.
如果她沒有搭理你，不再看你或徑直走開，就這樣讓她去吧。如果你還緊追不捨，那就不是在恭維她，而是在跟蹤她。

At the end of the day, if you want to connect with a woman, all you need to do is smile. There's no need to say anything. That's all it takes. Look her in the eyes and smile. She'll likely smile back. That's it. If she wants to say hello, I'm sure she will. If she doesn't, just let her be.
在白晝即將結束時，如果你想結識一位姑娘，只需微笑就夠了。不用說一個字。看着她的眼睛，面帶微笑。她有可能以微笑回報。就是這樣。如果她想打招呼，我肯定她會的。如果她不想，就讓她走吧。

And speaking of eye contact, look at her eyes, because when you stare at her chest, her butt, her private area or do the top-to-bottom scan, it makes her feel extremely uncomfortable. Women walking on a sidewalk are not walking on a catwalk, and you're not a judge on America's Top Model, so stop acting like one.
說起眼神交流，要看着她的眼睛，因爲當你看着她的胸部，她的臀部，她的隱私部位或者從頭到腳打量，會讓她覺得極度不自在。走在人行道上的姑娘不是在走貓步，你不是在評論一個美國頂級模特，所有不要這麼做。