全職爸爸的自白
My husband, Clay, does the laundry. He also cooks a mean dinner and manages our 7-year-old's schedule with the seamless precision of the Blue Angels.
我丈夫克萊(Clay)負責洗衣服。他晚餐做得也不賴，另外，他還負責安排我們七歲女兒的日程表，精準度甚至可以媲美“藍天使”特技飛行隊(Blue Angels)。
Clay loves what he does, and he's proud that he does it all so well. But, he also concedes, it comes with a price.
克萊喜歡他現在所做的事情，並且對自己能夠這麼勝任頗感自豪。但是，他也承認，爲此他付出了一些代價。
Clay resents the perception that some people (including some readers) have that he is henpecked, or that he doesn't contribute enough to the family. He has at times felt isolated among stay-at-home moms, or shunned by the dads who find his situation odd, or threatening.
克萊非常反感一些人（包括一些讀者）把他看作“妻管嚴”，或認爲他沒有爲家庭做出足夠的貢獻。在全職媽媽們的圈子裏，他時常會感到孤單，他還會被那些認爲他的家庭角色尷尬或具有威脅性的爸爸們拒之千里。
Amid all the talk of women "leaning in" to their careers, Clay says that he would like to hear more stories about men who are leaning into their families, as he did after shutting down his contracting business when the housing market collapsed nearly three years ago.
有關女性“投身於”事業的討論稱得上鋪天蓋地，克萊說，他希望看到更多講述男性獻身家庭的故事。差不多三年前，在房地產市場暴跌後，克萊關閉了自己日益不景氣的公司。此後，他便承擔起照顧家庭的重任。
So for Clay, this is one of those stories.
因此，對克萊來說，他的故事便是一個這樣的故事。
Clay never anticipated being a stay-at-home father. Seeing his business succumb despite his best efforts to keep it going was sad and stressful for both of us.
克萊從未想過自己會成爲一名全職爸爸。儘管他使出了渾身解數，但仍未能保住自己的公司，這對我們兩個人來說都是既傷感又沉重的一件事情。
But when I was offered a promotion, he encouraged me to take it, even though it involved frequent travel and would require him to become a full-time parent. Our daughter was 4 years old at the time, and he felt he could do the greatest good for the family by being there for her—and for me.
但是，當我得到了一次升遷機會的時候，他卻鼓勵我接受這個機會，儘管新崗位需要頻繁出差，而這要求他不得不成爲全職爸爸。我們的女兒那時候四歲，克萊覺得最有利於這個家庭的選擇就是陪伴在她身邊──也陪伴在我身邊。
Although society has progressed in its acceptance of stay-at-home fathers, Clay feels that outside of larger urban areas, including in parts of our small town, traditional attitudes remain more entrenched.
儘管社會在接納全職爸爸方面已經取得了一些進步，但是克萊感覺到，在大城市以外，包括我們所居住的小鎮上的某些地方，傳統觀念仍然根深蒂固。
"My pat reply to 'What do you do?' is that 'Laura earns our income and I try to do most everything else, ' "he says. "Sometimes, depending on who's listening, the 'everything else' feels weak."
克萊說，“對於別人‘你現在做什麼工作？’的問題，我總是熟練地回答‘勞拉(Laura)負責賺錢，而我則儘量去完成大多數剩下的事情。有的時候，取決於聆聽對象，‘剩下的事情’聽起來蒼白無力。”
Early on, he felt isolated as most of the other parents he would meet in preschool were women. If he wanted to set up a play date with another child, he would give the mother his email address and phone number, but felt odd asking for contact details in return, as he didn't want her to think he was hitting on her.
克萊在女兒的學前班遇到的大多數家長都是媽媽們，因此在開始的時候，他感到有點孤單。如果他想幫女兒和另一個小朋友安排個一起玩耍的時間，他就得給這個小朋友的媽媽留下自己的郵箱地址和電話號碼；但他覺得如果是反過來向她要聯繫方式就有點奇怪，因爲他不想讓她產生自己在向她示好的誤解。
He was also careful about where play dates would occur, especially after an unpleasant experience at the house of one of our daughter's classmates. When the child's father came home unexpectedly, the mood suddenly turned tense, even though my husband was just sitting while the kids played in front of them.
克萊對於約定女兒和小朋友玩耍的地點也很謹慎，特別是有次他在女兒的一個同學家有過不愉快的經歷之後。那天，當這位同學的爸爸意外提早回家時，氣氛頓時變得緊張起來，儘管我丈夫只是坐在那兒看孩子們在大人們面前玩耍而已。
"Perhaps he was just having a rough day, but I would never have greeted a guest in my home with the cold surprise that he greeted me with, " Clay says. "It's a standout memory, but not in a good way."
克萊說，“可能是他那天過得很糟糕吧，但是我無論如何也不會在自己家裏像他那樣用冷漠不解的眼神來問候客人。那是一次讓人難以忘懷的回憶，不過並不是什麼美好的回憶。”Generally, Clay says, he finds that women seem more sympathetic, or at least less critical of his role. He has rarely if ever heard a female acquaintance crack a joke about his role as a stay-at-home parent.
一般來講，克萊說，他發現女性更富同理心，或者說至少較少地諷刺他的家庭角色。他幾乎沒有被女性朋友開過“全職奶爸”的玩笑。
"Is this because many if not most of them have been the primary caregiver of their children and held a full- or part-time job?" he wonders. "Is it because, on average, a man's sense of self is more deeply embedded in his career or earning power?"
他問道，“難道是因爲很多母親──如果我們不說大多數母親的話──一直都是家裏爲小孩付出更多的那個人，並且還同時做着一份全職或兼職的工作？”“或是因爲，一般來講，男人的自我感受更深地植根於他們的職業和賺錢能力之中？”
He felt this contrast earlier this year when he attended an open house at our daughter's school. Only a handful of fathers attended, and they all spent a good part of the time by themselves talking about their jobs. He found himself gravitating to the mothers.
今年早些時候，他在參加女兒學校組織的家庭招待會時就感受到了兩性之間的這種差異。只有爲數不多的爸爸參加了這次活動，他們大部分時間都在聚在一起對自己的工作高談闊論。他發現自己身不由主地被媽媽們吸引了過去。
"The moms seemed more engaged in the event itself, more focused on chatting with teachers, viewing student work and touring the school, " Clay says, even though many of them hold jobs outside of the home. "It was a window into issues of gender identification and role playing."
克萊說，“媽媽們似乎對活動本身更爲投入，她們更關心與老師們交流、欣賞學生作品和參觀校園”，儘管她們中的很多人在家庭之外也有自己的工作。“這個窗口投射出了男性和女性對性別身份和所扮演角色的看法。”
After nearly three years as a stay-at-home dad, Clay also says that he has gained more confidence in his role and has fewer regrets. "I like being a househusband and a homemaker, " he says. "I enjoy folding clothes and mowing the lawn. I didn't realize that, as a result of this, I would start to think more deeply about how cultural stereotypes originate and, more interestingly, why some people are loath to challenge them."
在做了將近三年的全職爸爸後，克萊還說，對於他的角色，他已經收穫了更多自信，也少了些躊躇。他表示，“我喜歡當‘家庭主夫’並料理家務”。“我喜歡疊衣服、給草坪除草。我以前並沒有認識到，這段經歷可以讓我對文化固有觀念是如何形成的以及爲什麼有些人會墨守成規開始進行更深入的思考。”
He has forged friendships with other stay-at-home parents. At the same time, he has come to appreciate the time and freedom. It has allowed him to focus on things he enjoys, including projects around the house, like repainting our kitchen and bathroom or replacing the faucet.
他還與其他全職家長建立起了友誼。與此同時，他也開始享受時光和自由。這讓他有精力關注自己喜歡的事情，包括和房子相關的工程，比如重新粉刷我們的廚房和浴室、更換水龍頭等。
"Nothing feels quite as right as plying a trade that I know inside and outside on my own house, " he says.
他說，“沒有什麼比經營自己家房前屋後的事兒更讓人覺得心曠神怡了。”
These days, Clay's occasional doubts tend to revolve around whether he's "doing enough" and whether I "secretly resent" him.
這些天，克萊偶爾會糾結於是否他已經“做得足夠多”以及是否我“暗自怨恨他”這兩個問題。
Straight answer? I don't, although there have been moments when I have envied Clay's freedom. But I am also grateful for the tremendous amount of work he puts into our home and family, and I feel lucky that I have married a man who sees the big picture and supports my career.
我實事求是的回答是什麼？我不怨恨他，儘管有一些時候，我深羨他的自由。但同時，我對他爲家庭所付出的大量辛勤勞動心懷感激，並且對自己嫁給了這樣一個能放眼全局、支持我事業的丈夫而深感幸運。
Life is a narrative, and we are editing as we go along. As circumstances change, we will adjust. We realize that the most important thing isn't what one of us is leaning into. It's that we remember that we can always lean on each other.
生活是故事，由我們在生命長河中慢慢書寫。周圍的環境在變，我們也在調整。我們認識到，最重要的事情並不是我們倆人中的誰投身於家庭誰投身於事業，而是我們知道我們永遠都能互相依靠。
