英語演講笑話
笑話大多揭示生活中乖謬的現象,具有諷刺性和娛樂性。幾乎所有笑話都包含兩個要點:一是笑話開頭,二是笑點。下面是本站小編帶來的最搞笑的英語小笑話，歡迎閱讀!
我懂了
Mr. Beans had always wanted to travel to the African jungle to hunt, and, to his mind, the greatest prey was beyond doubt the mighty gorilla. Unfortunately, the gorilla is an endangered species, and may no longer be killed for sport, but Mr. Beans had heard of one professional hunter who had devised a way to capture the gorilla alive.
奔馳先生總想到非洲打獵，在他看來，壯碩的大猩猩無疑是最佳的狩獵對象。不幸的是，大猩猩乃是一種瀕臨絕種的動物，不適合娛樂性質的狩獵活動，但奔馳先生曾聽聞一位發明可以活捉大猩猩的職業獵人.
One fine day found Mr. Beans talking to the great white hunter, Mr. Bones, in his tent.
一天，奔馳先生和偉大的白人獵物專家朋馳先生在帳篷中談話。
"Well, if you want to go on safari, my services will cost you $ 1,000 , my man Mbulu $ 500 a day, $ 500 for the schnauzer and $ 500 for the pygmy with the gun," explained
Bones.
“如果你要去獵大猩猩的話，我本人服務一天索價一千美金;我手下恩布魯一天五百美金，德國獵犬一天五百美金;另外帶槍的矮黑人也一天五百，”朋馳解釋說道。
Beans did not quite understand these charges, but nonetheless agreed.
奔馳先生並不很瞭解這些價目，可是他仍然答應了。
On their very first day on the hunt, Bones spotted a gorilla, which scampered up a tree. Mbulu, a mighty Zulu, pursued the ape and shook the branch on which it clung till the beast fell off. Immediately the schnauzer leapt forward, biting the befuddled ape on the most tender part of its anatomy. The gorilla fainted with shock, and was easily captured.
第一天出去打獵，朋馳看見一隻猩猩逃到一棵樹上，恩布魯是一位孔武有力的祖魯人，他追趕到樹上，猛力搖動那隻猩猩攀附的樹枝，待猩猩掉下之後，獵狗立刻跳上前去，咬住它身體最柔嫩的部分，猩猩驚嚇得昏了過去，很容易就被活捉了。
Mr. Beans was quite delighted, and even more so the next day, when the performance was repeated. But he still couldn ’t figure out the purpose of the pygmy with the gun, for whom he was paying $ 500 a day, and who seemed only to smile and pick his teeth.
奔馳先生非常高興，尤其第二天又捕到另一隻猩猩，更讓他欣喜萬分，但他還是想不通他每天付五百美金請的帶槍的小黑人.
Finally, on the third day, Bones spotted the largest gorilla they'd ever encountered. As before, Mbulu pursued the primate into the tree. But this time, no amount of shaking would dislodge the beast. In fact, it turned on Mbulu,grappled with him, and sent him hurtling to the ground.
第三天時，朋馳看見他們所遇到的最大的一隻猩猩，如以往一樣，恩布魯把那隻靈長類動物追趕到樹上，可是這次怎麼也搖不下來。相反地，它轉向恩布魯，一陣扭打後，把他扔到地上去。
As the mighty Zulu fell, he shouted to the pygmy, "Shoo tthe dog! Shoot the dog!"
恩布魯跌下時，他對矮黑人叫道： “快射那隻獵狗!射那隻獵狗”
最搞笑的英語小笑話篇二古老的中國智慧
Once upon a time, in ancient China, the emperor was seriously ill. None of his esteemed physicians could find a cure, until an ancient sage revealed that only the blood of a living Foo bird could restore the imperial health.
很久很久以前在古老的中國，皇帝病得很重，所有德高望重的御醫都沒辦法醫治，直到後來纔有一位智者透露，只有活福鳥的血才能恢復皇帝的健康。
Now the Foo bird was extremely rare, almost legendary,and the greatest hunters in the land were assigned the task of capturing a specimen-but before they left on their quest, the ancient sage warned them that if one of them were fortunate enough to catch the bird, he should on no account clean or change his clothing till he had presented his prize to the emperor.
問題是福鳥本來就很少見，幾乎只是傳說而已，於是全國各地最好的獵人都被指派進行捕捉福鳥的工作。但在他們出發之前，那名智者警告他們，要是有人有幸捉到一隻福鳥的話，無論如何在送到皇帝手中之前，絕不可以清潔或換掉身上的衣服。
The hunters scoured the empire, and after several months, the greatest of them spotted a magnificent Foo perched high in a tree. Using all his skill, the huntsman snuck up on the bird and managed to seize it by the claws, but soon the startled creature left a huge odious blob of excrement on the hunter's shoulder.
獵人們搜遍了整個帝國，幾個月後，其中一名本領最好的獵人不經意看見了一隻福鳥棲息在一棵樹上。他用盡所有技巧偷偷接近那隻福鳥並抓住了它的腳爪，但那隻受到驚卟的福鳥馬上在他的肩膀上拉了一大團臭氣燻人的鳥糞。
Though the stench was almost unbearable, the woodsman remembered the sage's injunction and carried his double burden all the way back to court. By that time, the odor had only become worse, and the hunter was deeply lly, he felt that he could not enter the emperor's presence in such a state, and wiped the offending substance from his shoulder.
雖然臭味難當，但獵人仍記得智者的訓示，便連同身上的鳥糞護送福鳥回宮。那時鳥糞的味道更難聞了，獵人也覺得非常尷尬。最後他覺得不能那個樣子去見皇帝，於是他把肩膀上令人作嘔的東西擦拭掉了。
Instantly, the Foo bird fell over dead, the emperor took a turn for the worse, and the hunter was clapped in the moral of the story is: If the Foo shits,wear it!
就在那一刻福鳥便倒地身亡，皇帝的病情也更加惡化，而那名獵人則立刻被關進牢中。這個故事的寓意就是：“福鳥在你身上拉尿，你就扛着。”
最搞笑的英語小笑話篇三另一則寓言笑話
The Ndele tribesmen of Africa were'a poor but proud people. Living as they did in the savannah regions south of the Sahara, they had only grass with which to build their houses, but these were nonetheless beautifully designed and spacious.
非洲的恩德拉部落是個貧窮但驕傲的民族，由於位在撒哈拉沙漠南部的大草原地區，他們只能用草來造房子，但他們的房屋仍然設計美觀，內部寬敞。
In fact, the king's palace was all of three stories tall until the tragic events which I will now relate.
實際上，在我所要敘及的不幸事件之前，國王的皇宮都是三層樓的建築。事情是這樣的.
The Ndele had always believed that as long as the king sat on the traditional golden throne, no harm could come to the tribe. In recent times, however, the kings had taken to sending their heirs to Europe to be educated.
恩德拉族人自古以來都相信，只要國王坐在那張傳統黃金打造的王座上，老天就不會降災害於他們。可是最近非洲國王們都熱衷於把他們的繼承人送到歐洲深造。
One particular crown prince came back from Oxford with nothing but contempt for the ancient beliefs of his people. No sooner had he been crowned king than he had the golden throne removed to the palace attic and replaced with a comfortable steel-framed easy-chair.
其中一位王儲由牛津大學歸國，他除了鄙視該族人的古老迷信外，什麼也沒學回來。他一登上王位就立刻把那張寶座搬到皇宮閣樓收藏，並換上一張鋼框的舒適安樂椅。
Sure enough, as soon as the young king settled his posterior into the new royal seat, an earthquake struck the entire territory of the Ndele, hundreds of homes were destroyed, and the old golden throne came crashing through the two intervening floors directly onto the foolish monarch,squashing him like a bug.
果然，那位年輕的國王剛坐下不久，地震就襲擊了恩德拉族境內，好幾百棟的房子損毀，而原來那張黃金寶座也一路撞穿兩個夾層樓正中那名愚蠢的統治者，他就像一隻小蟲般被壓得扁扁的。
And the moral of the story is: Those who live in grass houses should not stow thrones.
這則故事的真義就是： “住在茅草房子的人們不可把國王的御座收藏起來!”
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