一分鐘的英語笑話演講

有的人擅長講笑話,時常妙語連珠,談言微中,引得鬨堂大笑。本站小編整理了一分鐘的英語笑話，歡迎閱讀!

　　一分鐘的英語笑話：The Whole Truth

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that Most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth".

The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."

His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."

The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your father a big hug."

　　一分鐘的英語笑話：Letter To Dad

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed.

It was addressed, DAD

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice-even with all her piercing, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy.

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving son,

Jon

PS - Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tyler's house. My report card is in my desk drawer. Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life. Call me when it's safe to come home .

　　一分鐘的英語笑話：A letter to God 寫給上帝的信

A little boy needed $50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $50. When the post office received the letter to God, they decided to send it to the president. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys kept $45 in taxes.

有個小男孩非常需要50美元，他爲此禱告了數週但是什麼也沒發生。後來，他決定寫封信向上帝索要這50美元。郵局接到這封信，想了想覺得還是應該交給總統比較好。總統被逗笑了，於是指示祕書寄給小男孩5美元，因爲他覺得5美元對於一個小孩來講已經是不少了。小男孩收到了錢很高興，給上帝回了一封感謝信，信裏寫道：尊敬的上帝，非常感謝你把錢寄給我。然而，我發現這些錢是通過白宮寄出的，因此，和往常一樣，那幫傢伙收了我45美元的稅。

　　一分鐘的英語笑話：Asking Mommy

Little Johnny and her mother were out and about. Little Johnny, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?" The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older.

Little Johnny then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weight?" Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this too, as you grow up."

Little Johnny still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The Little Johnny , frustrated, sulks until he is dropped off at a friend's house to play. He consults with his friend about him and her mother's conversation. His friend says, "All you have to do is sneak and look at your mother's driver's license. It's just like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, the Little Johnny and her mother are out and about again. The Little Johnny starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are, You're 32 years old."

The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

The Little Johnny shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weight. You weight 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?", said the mother again.

The Little Johnny says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an "F" in sex."

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