英語爆笑笑話8則
下面是本站小編整理的英語爆笑笑話，希望對大家有幫助。
英語爆笑笑話：
A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of PErson names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS Rottweiler "JESUS".
一個竊賊潛入一戶人家。他看到一個喜歡的CD機，他趕緊拿了。就在這個時候他聽到有人說：“耶穌正在看着你。”他照着手電看來看去，嘀咕着：“到底是什麼人在說話?”這時，他看到桌子上有些錢，他又拿了。。。那聲音又來了：“耶穌正在看着你。”他躲到一個角落，想找出是誰在說話。結果看到一隻鸚鵡，於是他問鸚鵡：“是你在說話嗎?”鸚鵡承認了。 小賊說：“你叫什麼名字?”“摩西”。小賊說：“什麼人給鳥取這種名字?”鸚鵡回答：“就是那個給他的羅威那犬取名爲‘耶穌’的那個人啊。”
英語爆笑笑話：
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
The driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
乘客輕拍了一下出租車司機的肩膀,想問個問題. 司機大叫起來, 車也失去了控制, 幾乎撞上一輛公車, 還上了便道, 在還差幾釐米就撞上商店櫥窗時終於停了下來.
司機說,“夥計,別再這麼幹了. 你把我嚇破膽了!”乘客抱歉地說, “我沒想到拍你一下就嚇成這樣.” 司機說,“對不起,也不全是你的錯. 今天是我第一天開出租. 以前25年裏我一直開殯葬車.”
英語爆笑笑話：
Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. Uh-oh, I said, realizing my mistake. I just make an illegal turn.I guess it's all right, my daughter replied, The police car behind us did the same thing.
我趕着開車將11歲的女兒送到學校去，在紅燈處右拐了，而那是不允許的(譯註:在一些國家如英國,其交通規則是車輛左行的,與我國相反)。啊噢，意識到犯了錯誤，我說。我剛纔拐彎是違章的。我想那沒關係的，女兒回答說：我們後面的警車也同樣拐了彎。
英語爆笑笑話：
When his wife was expecting their third child, a father decided to tell his two sons, ages seven and nine, the facts of life. He checked out several books from the library on how parents should approach the subject. After stumbling through an explanation, he took a deep breath, and said, "Now, boys, do you have any questions?"
"Yes," the younger boy answered immediately.
"Go ahead," said the man, his heart in his throat.
"Can we," his son asked, "have new baseball gloves?"
當妻子要生第三胎時，父親決定給分別已七歲和九歲的兩個兒子講關於性的知識。他從圖書館查出幾本書，都是關於父母如何涉及這個話題的。在結結巴巴地解釋一番後，他長出了一口氣，然後說：“好了，孩子們，有什麼問題嗎?”
“有，”小兒子立即回答。 “問吧，”爸爸說，心提到了嗓子眼兒。
“我們，”兒子問道，“可以得到新棒球手套了嗎?”
英語爆笑笑話：
A boy cried to his mother, "All the children make fun of me. They say I have a big head."
"Don't listen to them," his mother said, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds of patotoes."
"Where is the shopping bag?"
"I haven't got one-use your hat."
一個小男孩向他母親哭訴道：“他們都取笑我，說我腦袋大。” “別聽他們的，”他母親安慰道，“你有一個很漂亮的腦袋。好啦，別哭了，去商店買十斤土豆來。”
“購物袋在哪兒?”
“沒購物袋了----就用你的帽子吧。”
英語爆笑笑話：
Uncle Frank, at 79, was a healthy and wealthy man, a lifelong bachelor. He courted a lot, he said, but "never boiled over-just simmered." On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends.
Upon his return he exclaimed, "Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women - They're all widows now!
弗蘭克叔叔七十八歲了，富有而健康。他是個終生單身漢。他曾追求過很多女孩，但“從不過熱----見好就收”。一天他突發奇想，決定四處走走，去看看他那些接近一打的舊時女友。
他回來即嘆道：“噓!謝天謝地幸虧我沒娶那些女人中的任何一個。如今她們都成寡婦了!”
英語爆笑笑話：我要做的一切就是付錢!All I do is pay
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My
wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,
and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your
position?"
"I’m the people. All I do is pay."
布朗先生告訴同事說：“我的家簡直就象一個國家一樣。我妻子
是財政部長。我岳母是作戰部長，我女兒是外交祕書。”
“聽上去挺有意思的，”他的同事說，“那你的職務是什麼呢?”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付錢。”
英語爆笑笑話：喂狗 For the Dog
The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.
"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"
"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"
一家人在飯館裏吃過晚飯，父親把服務生叫了過來。
”先生，什麼事?“服務生問。
”我兒子的盤子裏剩下許多肉，“父親說，”能給我們一個袋子嗎?我把剩下的東西帶回去喂狗。“
”啊呀，爸爸!“兒子激動地叫喊着。”咱家養狗了嗎?“
