初二英語笑話
英語笑話是指以一句英文短語或一個英文故事讓說話者和聽者之間覺得好笑,或是產生幽默感,笑話是一種經過藝術加工的語言形式。下面是本站小編整理的一些初二英語笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!
初二英語笑話： Count to one Hundred Before You Speak
In class,the teacher,with his back leaning against the stove,said to the Students,"Before you speak,you should think and count to at least 50,and for important matters to 100."
No sooner had the teacher stopped talking than the students began to count.
at last all the students shouted together,"1...98,99,her,your clothes are on fire."
數到一百再說
課堂上，老師背靠火爐站着，對學生們說：“說話前要三思，起碼數到50，重要的事情要數到一百。”
老師的話音剛落，學生立刻從“1”開始數起來。最後一起喊：“98，99，100!老師，您的衣服着火了。”
初二英語笑話：The Advantage of Alcohol
In order to prove the harmful effect of alcohol,the teacher put a bug into a glass filled with alcohol,soon the bug died. The teacher asked a student,"what does this show?"
The student answered,"It shows that people won't get parasites if they drink more alcohol."
酒的好處
爲了證明酒精對生物的危害，老師把一隻蟲子放入裝有酒精的杯子裏，蟲子很快就死了。老師問一個學生：“這說明了什麼?”
學生答道：“說明人多喝酒，就不會長蟲子。”
初二英語笑話：Exchange the Tortoise for the Wolf
Teacher:Some students are becoming you remember the story about race between the hare and the tortoise?Now,Xiaoming,will you please tell us why the hare was defeated by the tortoise?
Xiaoming:Because the hare fell asleep.
Teacher:Absolutely right!What should we do so that the hare won't fall asleep?
Xiaoming:Exchange the tortoise for the wolf.
把烏龜換成狼
老師：有些同學開始驕傲了，大家還記得龜兔賽跑的故事嗎。小明，你說說看，兔子爲什麼輸給烏龜?
小明：因爲它睡覺了。
老師：對極了!我們應該怎麼做才能讓兔子不睡覺呢?
小明：把烏龜換成狼!
初二英語笑話：能幫我重啓網絡嗎?
Computer help desks are used to fielding oddball requests but sometimes the questions leave even the best of them stumped.
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Such as: "Why isn't my wireless mouse connected to the computer?"
Or: "Can you reset the Internet for me?"
Then there was the questioner who asked: "Where can I get software to track UFOs?"
Robert Half Technology, a provider of information technology professionals based in Menlo Park, California, asked 1,400 chief information officers from companies across the United States to come up with the most baffling questions their help desks or technical support teams had ever received. Among the more unusual were:
-- "My computer is telling me to press any key to continue. Where is the 'any' key?"
-- "Can you rearrange the keyboard alphabetically?"
-- "My daughter is locked in the bathroom, can you pick the lock?"
-- "Can you tell me the weather forecast for next year?"
-- "Can you install cable TV on my PC?"
Then there was the computer user who confused the CD-ROM drive with a drink holder and asked: "How do I get my computer's coffee-cup holder to come out again?"
Katherine Spencer Lee, executive director of Robert Half Technology, said such queries were a test of the skills of the help and technical support desks.
"These unusual requests highlight the need for technical support personnel to also demonstrate patience, empathy and a sense of humor," she said.
幫用戶解決電腦問題是電腦技術支持的主要職責，但有時用戶提的問題甚至把IT精英們都給難倒了。
比如：“爲什麼我的無線鼠標沒連在電腦上?”
再如：“能幫我重啓一下網絡嗎?”
還有人會問：“在哪能下載追蹤UFO的軟件?”
總部位於加州門羅園的“羅伯特1/2”IT諮詢公司日前對美國各地的1400位公司IT主管進行了一項調查，讓他們列出公司的技術諮詢或支持部門所遇到的“最難回答”的問題。其中包括：
“電腦提示：請按任意鍵繼續。這個任意鍵在哪?”
“你能將鍵盤按字母順序重排嗎?”
“我女兒被鎖在浴室了，你能開鎖嗎?”
“能不能幫我查查明年的天氣預報?”
“能幫我在電腦上安裝有線電視嗎?”
還有一位用戶將光盤驅動器(CD-ROM)與一種杯架混淆了，問曰：“怎麼把電腦上的咖啡杯架弄出來?”
“羅伯特1/2”IT諮詢公司的執行官凱瑟琳•斯賓塞•李說，這些問題對於技術人員來說的確是個考驗。
她說：“技術人員在解答這些問題時，一定要有耐心，要理解用戶，還要有些幽默感。”
初二英語笑話： Fresh Richer
A fresh richer is purchasing coffin in the store for the death.A person asks him：“Which one is better?”He says：“Of course the zinc1)-filled is more durable2)，but the wooden is helpful to the health.”
新 貴
一個新貴在墓葬品商店選購他死時要用的棺材，有人問他：“最好買哪一種?”他說：“鍍鋅的棺材當然比較耐用，但木製棺材有益於健康。”
NOTE 註釋：
1. zinc n. 鋅 vt. 塗鋅於.
2. durable adj. 持久的, 耐用的
初二英語笑話： The reds or the greens?
Two apples up in a tree were looking down on the first apple said，“Look at all those people fighting，robbing，rioting --no one seems willing to get along with his fellow day we apples will be the only ones we'll rule the world.”Replied the second apple，“Which of us --the reds or the greens?”
紅的還是綠的?
樹上的兩隻蘋果俯瞰着世界。第一隻蘋果說：“瞧瞧這些人吧，爭鬥、搶劫、騷亂——似乎就沒有人願意與別的人好好相處。總有一天，我們蘋果就會成爲世上惟一的倖存者。到那時我們就將統治世界。”第二隻蘋果回答說：“我們中的哪些呢——紅的還是綠的?”
初二英語笑話： You don’t have to pay for lightning
Teacher：Who can tell me the difference between lightning and electricity?
Student：You don’ t have to pay for lightning.
閃電不用付錢
老師：誰能告訴我閃電與電的區別?
學生：閃電不用付錢。
初二英語笑話：
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最後男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."
