名著欣賞《芒果街上的小屋》第5期:生辰不吉(1)
《芒果街上的小屋》 一本優美純淨的小書，一本“詩小說”。由幾十個短篇組成，語言清澈如流水，點綴着零落的韻腳和新奇的譬喻，如一首首長歌短調，各自成韻，又彼此鉤連，匯聚出一個清晰世界，各樣雜沓人生。所有的講述都歸於一個敘述中心：居住在芝加哥拉美移民社區芒果街上的女孩埃斯佩朗莎。生就對弱的同情心和對美的感覺力，她用清澈的眼打量周圍的世界，用美麗稚嫩的語言講述成長、滄桑、生命的美好與不易和年輕的熱望與夢想，夢想有一所自己的房子，夢想在寫作中追尋自我，獲得自由和幫助別人的能力。
Born Bad
Most likely I will go to hell and most likely I deserve to be there. My mother says I was born on an evil day and prays for me. Lucy and Rachel pray too. For ourselves and for each other... because of what we did to Aunt Lupe.
Her name was Guadalupe and she was pretty like my mother. Dark. Good to look at. In her Joan Crawford dress and swimmer"s legs. Aunt Lupe of the photographs.
But I knew her sick from the disease that would not go, her legs bunched under the yellow sheets, the bones gone Limp as worms. The yellow pillow, the yellow smell, the bottles and spoons. Her head thrown back like a thirsty lady. My aunt, the swimmer.
Hard to imagine her legs once strong, the bones hard and parting water, clean sharp strokes, not bent and wrinkled like a baby, not drowning under the sticky yellow light. Second-floor rear apartment. The naked light bulb. The high ceilings. The light bulb always burning.
I don't know who decides who deserves to go bad. There was no evil in her birth. No wicked curse. One day I believe she was swimming, and the next day she was sick. It might have been the day that gray photograph was taken. It might have been the day she was holding cousin Totchy and baby Frank. It might have been the moment she pointed to the camera for the kids to look and they wouldn't.
Maybe the sky didn't look the day she fell down. Maybe God was busy. It could be true she didn't dive right one day and hurt her spine. Or maybe the story that she fell very hard from a high step stool, like Totchy said, is true.
生辰不吉
很可能我會去地獄，很可能我該去那裏。媽媽說我出生的日子不吉利，併爲我祈禱。露西和拉切爾也祈禱。爲我們自己也爲相互之間……爲我們對盧佩嬸嬸做的事情。
她的全名叫古爾妲盧佩[ Guadalupe，也是墨西哥聖母的名字。每年12月12日的古爾妲盧佩聖母節（Guadalupe Day）是墨西哥最重要的宗教節日。]。她像我媽媽一樣漂亮。暗色皮膚。十分耐看。穿着瓊•克勞馥式的裙子，長着游泳者的腿。那是照片上的盧佩嬸嬸。
可我知道她生病了，疾病纏綿不去。她的腿綁束在黃色的牀單下面，骨頭變得和蠕蟲一樣軟弱。黃色的枕頭，黃色的氣味，瓶子勺子。她像一個口渴的女人一樣向後仰着頭。我的嬸嬸，那個游泳者。
很難想象她的腿曾經強健。堅韌的骨，劈波分浪，動作乾淨爽利，沒有像嬰兒的腿那樣蜷曲皺縮，也沒有淹滯在黏濁的黃光燈下。二層樓背面的公寓。光禿的電燈泡。高高的天花板，燈泡一直在燃燒。
我不知道是誰來決定誰該遭受厄運。她出生的日子沒有不吉利。沒有邪惡的詛咒。頭一天我想她還在游泳，第二天她就病了。可能是拍下那張灰色照片的那天。也可能是她抱着表弟託奇和寶寶弗蘭克的那天。也可能是她指着照相機讓小孩們看可他們不看的那一刻。
也許天空在她摔倒的那天沒有看向人間。也許上帝很忙。也許那天她入水沒入好傷了脊椎是真的，也許託奇說的是真的，她從高高的梯凳上重重地摔了下來。
