經典科幻文學:《宇宙盡頭的餐館》第5章2

It is one of the most remarkable, certainly the most successful, books ever to come out of the great publishing corporations of Ursa Minor – more popular than Life Begins at Five Hundred and Fifty, better selling than The Big Bang Theory – A Personal View by Eccentrica Gallumbits (the triple breasted whore of Eroticon Six) and more controversial than Oolon Colluphid’s latest blockbusting title Everything You Never Wanted To Know About Sex But Have Been Forced To Find Out.
(And in many of the more relaxed civilizations on the Outer Eastern Rim of the Galaxy, it has long surplanted the great Encyclopaedia Galactica as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom, for though it has many omissions and contains much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate, it scores over the older and more pedestrian work in two important respects. First, it is slightly cheaper, and secondly it has the words Don’t Panic printed in large friendly letters on its cover.)
It is of course that invaluable companion for all those who want to see the marvels of the known Universe for less than thirty Altairan Dollars a day – The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
If you stood with your back to the main entrance lobby of the Guide offices (assuming you had landed by now and freshened up with a quick dip and shower) and then walked east, you would pass along the leafy shade of Life Boulevard, be amazed by the pale golden colour of the beaches stretching away to your left, astounded by the mind-surfers floating carelessly along two feet above the waves as if it was nothing special, surprised and eventually slightly irritated by the giant palm trees that hum toneless nothings throughout the daylight hours, in other words continuously.
If you then walked to the end of Life Boulevard you would enter the Lalamatine district of shops, bolonut trees and pavement cafes where the UM-Betans come to relax after a hard afternoon’s relaxation on the beach. The Lalamatine district is one of those very few areas which doesn’t enjoy a perpetual Saturday afternoon – it enjoys instead the cool of a perpetual early Saturday evening. Behind it lie the night clubs.
If, on this particular day, afternoon, stretch of eveningtime – call it what you will – you had approached the second pavement cafe on the right you would have seen the usual crowd of UM-Betans chatting, drinking, looking very relaxed, and casually glancing at each other’s watches to see how expensive they were.
You would also have seen a couple of rather dishevelled looking hitch-hikers from Algol who had recently arrived on an Arcturan Megafreighter aboard which they had been roughing it for a few days. They were angry and bewildered to discover that here, within sight of the Hitch Hiker’s Guide building itself, a simple glass of fruit juice cost the equivalent of over sixty Altairan dollars.
“Sell out,” one of them said, bitterly.
If at that moment you had then looked at the next table but one you would have seen Zaphod Beeblebrox sitting and looking very startled and confused.
The reason for his confusion was that five seconds earlier he had been sitting on the bridge of the starship Heart of Gold.
“Absolute sell out,” said the voice again.

它是小熊星座那些偉大的出版公司所推出的最非凡、當然也就是最成功的書之一——比《生命起源於550年》更流行，比古怪蓋洛比特（情慾六號星上的一位有着三個乳房的妓女）的《大爆炸理論——一種個人觀點》更暢銷，比沃農·科拉菲德最近一鳴驚人的《你永遠不想知道但又被迫必須查明的關於性的真相》引發了更多的爭議。
（在銀河系東部外緣的許多更加開放的文明裏，這本書早已經取代偉大的《銀河系百科全書》，成爲所有知識和智慧的標準。這是因爲，儘管顯得冗長，並且包含許多虛假或者至少是不夠準確的信息，但它卻在兩個極其重要的方面超越了那部更加陳舊和呆板的著作。第一，它稍微便宜一點兒；第二，在它的封面上以大而友善的字體寫着“不要恐慌”這句話。）
毫無疑問，對所有那些希望以一天不到三十牽牛星元的價錢，看到整個已知宇宙中的種種奇蹟的人來說，它是無價的伴侶。當然，這本書就是《銀河系漫遊指南》。
如果你背對《指南》出版大廈主要的入口大廳站着（假設現在你已經降落，並且在簡單的梳洗淋浴之後恢復了精神），然後向東走，沿着生命大道那枝繁葉茂的樹蔭前進，你將會驚訝於在你左手邊不斷延伸的淡金色沙灘，驚訝於衝浪者們若無其事地飄浮在浪頭之上二英尺。而同樣會讓你感到驚訝、並且最終產生一絲憤怒的是：整個白天，巨大的棕櫚樹都毫無意義且不成曲調地嗡嗡響着，換句話說，就是永不停息地哼哼着。
如果你走完了生命大道，你將會進入拉拉馬汀商業區，這裏滿是刀果樹和人行道上的咖啡館，小熊星座－貝塔人在完成了海灘上艱苦的下午放鬆後，就會來到這裏放鬆身心。拉拉馬汀區是極少數不享受永久性星期六下午的地區之一——它享受的是永久性星期六傍晚前半段的那份涼爽。在它背後是一排排夜總會。
如果，正好在這一天，在從下午過渡到傍晚的時刻——隨便你怎麼稱呼這段時間——你來到右手邊的第二家人行道上的咖啡館，你將會看到小熊星座－貝塔人像通常那樣，成羣結隊地聊天、飲酒，看上去非常放鬆，只是在不經意間偶爾瞟一眼彼此手上戴的表，瞧瞧對方的表有多名貴。
你還會見到兩個頭髮蓬亂、衣冠不整的漫遊者，他們來自惡魔星，是搭最近抵達的一艘大角星巨型貨船的便車來這裏的，他們在那上面湊合着過了好幾天。在這裏，他們感到憤怒，感到不解，因爲就在這裏，在能看到偉大的《漫遊指南》大廈的地方，一杯普普通通的果汁居然要賣相當於超過六十牽牛星元的價錢。
“這是一種背叛。”他們中的一個人憤懣地說。
如果此時你望向旁邊的那張桌子，你會看見贊福德·畢博布魯克斯坐在那兒，無比驚訝和迷惑地四處打量。
他的迷惑是因爲，僅僅在五秒鐘之前，他還坐在黃金之心號星際飛船的艦橋上。
“這絕對是一種背叛。”那個聲音又說道。