雙語散文:我聽到了愛的聲音

I “Heard” the Love

When I was growing up I do not recall hearing the words “I love you” from my father. When your father never says them to you when you are a child, it gets tougher and tougher for him to say those words as he gets older. To tell the truth, I could not honestly remember when I had last said those words to him either. I decided to set my ego aside and make the first move. After some hesitation, in our next phone conversation I blurted out the words, “Dad… I love you!”

There was a silence at the other end and he awkwardly replied, “Well, same back at ya!”

I chuckled and said, “Dad, I know you love me, and when you are ready, I know you will say what you want to say.”

Fifteen minutes later my mother called and nervously asked, “Paul, is everything okay?”

A few weeks later, Dad concluded our phone conversation with the words, “Paul, I love you.” I was at work during this conversation and the tears were rolling down my cheeks as I finally “heard” the love. As we both sat there in tears we realized that this special moment had taken our father/son relationship to a new level.

A short while after this special moment, my father narrowly escaped death following heart surgery. Many times since, I have pondered the thought, if I did not take the first step and Dad did not survive the surgery, I would have never “heard” the love.

隨着我逐漸長大，我不記得爸爸對我說過“我愛你”。如果從孩提時候起，爸爸就從來沒對你說過“我愛你”，那麼隨着他年齡的增長，就會愈來愈難張口。實話說吧，我也實在記不起來上次什麼時候對他說過那些話。我決定放開自尊，採取主動。猶豫了一陣後，在下次打電話時我突然說出了這些話：“爸爸……我愛你！”

電話的那端沉默了一陣，然後他有些害羞地說：“呃，我也愛你！”

我輕聲地笑了起來，說：“爸爸，我知道你愛我，我知道當你準備好時，你就會把想說的話告訴我。”

一刻鐘後，媽媽打電話過來，有些緊張地問：“保羅，一切都好嗎？”

幾個星期過後，爸爸在掛電話前說了句“保羅，我愛你。”打電話的時候我還在上班，在終於“聽”到愛的聲音後，我的淚水順着臉頰流了下來。由於我們兩人都坐在那兒淚流滿面，我們知道這特別的時刻使我們的父子關係達到一種新境界。

這個特別時刻剛過不久，爸爸就進行了心臟手術，不過倖免於難。從那以後，我時常仔細回味，如果我沒有走出第一步，如果爸爸的手術沒有成功，我就再沒有機會聽到愛的聲音了。

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