雙語散文:擺脫抱怨 學會感恩

This Is No Time For Complaints

David Hirsch hasn't forgotten the unhappy phone calls he used to get from clients back in 1998 and 1999. A director at Credit Suisse Private Banking USA in Chicago, he was carefully investing clients' money in blue-chip stocks, earning them 15% to 20% in annual returns.

But that was a time when some investors were earning 50% or even 100% returns in tech portfolios. Some of Mr. Hirsch's clients pulled their money, grousing that he wasn't serving them well.

Today, though his clients' portfolios are down 35% or more, 'I'm not getting complaints,' Mr. Hirsch says. 'People aren't asking, 'What did you do to my portfolio?' They're asking, 'What do we do from here?'

There may be a positive byproduct of our troubled times: a decrease in the urge to complain. People who still have jobs are finding reasons to be appreciative. (It feels unseemly to complain about not getting a raise when your neighbor is unemployed.) Homeowners are unhappy that home values have fallen, but it's a relief to avoid foreclosure. And yes, our portfolios have plummeted, but most of us can say that at least we didn't invest with Bernie Madoff.

Even if grumbling is only on hiatus, it's clear that in many quarters, we're seeing a return to Depression-era stoicism and an appreciation of simpler things.

Job satisfaction is actually up, according to a December 2008 survey by Yahoo! HotJobs. Almost 38% of respondents said they were 'very satisfied' with their jobs, compared with 28% in 2007, a likely sign that people are grateful they're still employed. And every week now, we hear reports of workers accepting pay cuts or furloughs without complaint -- some of them acts of solidarity to protect jobs elsewhere in their companies.

There is also a growing 'noncomplaining' movement that touts the belief that whining doesn't work as a strategy, and that happiness can be found through rituals such as writing in 'gratitude journals.'

Will Bowen, a minister in Kansas City, Mo., is on a mission. His nonprofit organization, A Complaint Free World Inc., has distributed almost six million purple bracelets emblazoned with the group's name. When wearers find themselves complaining, they're asked to switch bracelets to their other wrists. The goal is to go 21 days without having to switch.

Granted, it's not easy for many of us to fully shake the all-American inclination to complain. Stereotypes are rooted in truth. A lot of young people grumble due to a sense of entitlement. A lot of older people are crotchety because they've been complaining all their lives. (Down in Florida, my mother describes condo-association bickering as 'nitpicking in paradise.')

But Rev. Bowen believes the bad economy may be the antidote we need to re-evaluate our lives. 'In good times, people often take for granted what they have, and whine about what they don't have,' he says. 'Bad times make people more grateful.'

Rev. Bowen is sponsoring a complaint-free cruise in April, and is also taking 30 congregants to Tanzania this summer to help rebuild a birthing center. 'We'll be meeting people who are so happy with so little,' he says. 'It can't help but reframe our perspective.'

Jon Gordon, a leadership trainer and author of 'The No Complaining Rule,' has collected research showing that gratitude reduces stress and improves health. Every morning, he takes a gratitude walk and thinks positive thoughts. He offers seminars to help people 'change a complaining voice to an appreciative heart.'

Some people today may be smartly cutting back on complaining because they recognize it can be detrimental to their careers, says Sherene McHenry, a professor of counseling at Central Michigan University. 'It isn't safe or wise to complain at work these days. When determining who to let go, nonunionized companies first get rid of complainers and those who are difficult to be around.'

Ultimately, you can't control the economy or whether you're laid off. And it's easy for the experts to rhapsodize about gratitude. But there are merits to tempering your complaints.

Dr. McHenry encourages us to write down three things we're grateful for every day -- no matter how simple they might seem. 'Some days,' she says, 'the list might be as basic as oxygen, food and shelter.'

戴維•賀齊(David Hirsch)一直沒忘記1998-1999年間那些損失慘重的客戶打來的令人不愉快的電話，作爲瑞士信貸(Credit Suisse)在芝加哥的美國私人銀行部的董事，他多年來一直小心翼翼地把客戶的錢投在藍籌股上，每年能取得15%到20%的收益。

John Segal但在當時，有些科技股投資者可以得到50%甚至100%的年回報率。賀齊的一些客戶因此撤回了資金，他們對他提供的投資服務表示不甚滿意。

現在，雖然他管理的客戶資金減少了35%或者更多，“但沒人再向我抱怨。”賀齊說，“他們不會追問我‘你對我的投資組合幹了些什麼？’他們只是問‘如今我們該幹些什麼？’”

這可能是動盪時代帶來的一個正面效果：人們的抱怨衝動有所收斂。那些還有工作的人正在學會珍惜這份福氣。（如果你的鄰居已經失去工作，你就會覺得不必爲自己沒加上工資而抱怨。）有房子的人雖然不願看到房價下跌，但至少房子還沒被銀行沒收。是的，我們的投資組合大爲縮水，但大多數人還可以說，至少我們沒把錢交給金融巨騙馬多夫(Bernie Madoff)。

雖然投資活動只是暫時收斂，但在很多地方，我們看到了大蕭條時代艱苦奮鬥精神的迴歸及對於簡單事物的欣賞。

事實上，根據雅虎HotJobs網站2008年12月的一項統計，人們對工作的滿意度上升了。有近38%的被訪者表示，他們對自己的工作“非常滿意”，而2007年這一數字僅爲28%。這也許意味着人們對自己還有工作懷着一份感恩的心。現在每個星期我們都能聽到很多報導，說員工毫無怨言地接受減薪或暫時休假，有些這類團結一心的做法使公司其他部門的人得以保住飯碗。

而且，日益增多的“不抱怨”運動讓人們相信，怨天尤人並不是最好的出路，快樂可以通過各種途徑獲得，比如寫“感恩日記”等等。

密蘇里州堪薩斯城牧師威爾•伯文(Will Bowen)發起了事一項活動。他所在的非營利組織“無抱怨世界”(A Complaint Free World Inc.)分發出近600萬隻銘刻有組織名稱的紫色腕帶。如果佩戴腕帶的人發現自己在抱怨，就要把它換到另一隻手腕上去。他們的目標是爭取在21天內不挪換腕帶。

誠然，要讓很多美國人完全擺脫喜歡抱怨的“國民習慣”是很不容易的。習慣的養成往往有其現實的根源。很多年輕人喜歡賭博，那是因爲他們希望得到認同。很多老年人脾氣暴躁，因爲他們一輩子都在怨天尤人。（在佛羅里達州，我媽媽把公寓裏的鄰里爭吵稱爲“在天堂裏吹毛求疵”。）

然而，伯文牧師相信，糟糕的經濟也許是讓我們能新審視自己生活的良藥。在好年景，人們往往對已經得到的東西視而不見，對得不到的牢騷滿腹。”他說，“壞年景則讓人們更珍惜自己擁有的一切。”

伯文牧師正在組織4月份的一次“無抱怨”活動，今年夏天還要帶30名志願者去坦桑尼亞參加一個育兒中心的改建。“我們將要遇到的這些人，他們幾乎一無所有，但還是那麼快樂。”他說，“這會讓我們不知不覺地改變自己的價值觀。”

瓊•高登(Jon Gordon)是一位領導力培訓師，也是《不抱怨原則》(The No Complaining Rule)一書的作者，他收集的很多研究素材表明，感恩有助於減少壓力，增進健康。每天早上，他都要做一次感恩散步，想一些積極向上的東西。他開辦培訓班，幫助人們“把一肚子怨氣轉化爲一顆感恩的心”。

如今有些人很明智地減少抱怨，是因爲他們意識到抱怨可能會損害他們的職業生涯，美國中密歇根大學教授謝倫•麥克亨利(Sherene McHenry)說。“現在對工作提出怨言，既不安全，也不明智。在決定裁員對象時，沒有工會組織的企業首先會讓那些經常抱怨及跟公司對着幹的人離開。”

歸根結底，你無法控制經濟大局，也無法控制自己的飯碗能否被保住。讓專家向你激昂頓挫地講述感恩的重要性固然容易，但要減少自己的怨氣，最重要的還是自身的修煉。

麥克亨利教授鼓勵大家每天寫下三件自己感激的事情，無論這些事情看上去多麼瑣碎和簡單。“總有那麼一天，”她說，“你會發現這份清單和氧氣、食物和房子一樣不可或缺。”