英語故事:倘若鳥兒未飛還 (2)

"Why don't you just rest your arms and let me push you?"

“你爲什麼不讓自己的胳膊輕鬆一下，讓我來推你呢？”

"No."

“不用。”

"Your arms will get sorely. I've been helping you do it for three months now."

“你的胳膊會酸的。三個月來一直是我在推你呀！”

"I wheeled myself for 12 years before you came along."

“可在你出現之前，我推了自己12年。”

"But I don't like having to walk beside you while you push yourself!"

“但我不願你自己推自己而我卻只能袖手旁觀！”

"Do you think I liked sitting helpless in your boat every weekend for the past two months?"

“你以爲過去兩個月的每個週末，我就喜歡無可奈何地坐在你的船上嗎？”

He never considered this and was shocked into silence. Finally he said quietly, "I never realized that, Amy. You're in a wheelchair all the time - I never thought you'd mind sitting in the boat. It's the same thing."

他從未考慮過這個問題，一時間驚訝得說不出話。最後他平靜地說道：“我從未意識到這一點，艾米。你一直坐在輪椅裏——我沒想過讓你坐在船上你會介意。我以爲這是一回事。”

"It is not the same thing. In this chair, I can move by myself; I can go anywhere I need to go. That boat traps me so I can't do anything - I couldn't even save myself if something happened and I fell out."

“這不是一回事。坐在輪椅裏，我能自己行動，需要去哪兒就可以去哪兒。而那條船卻困住了我，讓我無計可施——萬一發生什麼事，我掉到了水裏，我甚至連自救都不會。”

"But I'm there. Don't you think I could save you or help you move or whatever it is you want?"

“可是有我在呀！難道你認爲我救不了你，不能幫你活動或是幹你想幹的任何事嗎？”

"Yes, but Charles - the point is I've spent 12 years learning to manage by myself. I even live in a city that's miles from my family so I'll have to be independent and do things for myself. Being placed in the boat takes all that I've won away from me. Can't you see why I object to it? I don't want to feel helpless."

“你能。可是，查爾斯——問題在於我花了12年的時間才學會自理。我甚至孤身一人住在離家幾英里遠的城市，強迫自己獨立，一切都由自己動手。把我放在船上等於剝奪了我所獲得的一切。難道你不明白我爲什麼反對你那樣做嗎？我不想讓自己感到懦弱無助。”

As they went down the path Charles selfishly only thought of his own needs, finally he lost control and said，"Amy, I need to have you dependent upon me." He grabbed the wheelchair and pushed her along. She had to let go of the wheels or injure herself. He could not see the anger in her eyes, and it was just as well for it was an anger he would not have understood.

他們沿着小路繼續往前走着，最後他失去了控制，說：“艾米，我需要你依賴我。” 查爾斯只在心裏自私地想着自己的需要。他一把抓過輪椅，推着她飛跑起來。結果她只得把手從輪子上放開，以免傷着了自己。他看不到她眼眸中的憤怒，這樣也好，因爲那種憤怒不是他所能理解的。

She would not answer her telephone the next morning but in his mail that afternoon came an envelope that he knew had come from Amy. The handwriting was not beautiful, but it was without question hers. Inside was only a card on which she had written:

第二天早上，她不願接他打來的電話。不過下午，在他收到的郵件中有一封信，他知道那準是艾米寫來的。字寫得並不漂亮，但無疑是她的筆跡。裏面只有一張卡片，她在上面寫道：

If you want something badly enough,

You must let it go free.

If it comes back to you,

It's yours.

If it doesn't,

You really never had it anyway.

(Anonymous)

如果你渴望愛情，

就必須給它自由。

倘若鳥兒回還，

它就不再飛走。

若它去無影蹤，

你從未真正擁有。

（無名氏）

He ran out of his apartment, refusing to believe that Amy might no longer be in her home. As he was running towards her apartment, he kept hearing a roar in his ears: "You must let it go free; you must let it go free."

他衝出公寓大樓，不相信艾米會搬家。他朝她的公寓狂奔而去，一路上只有一個聲音不絕於耳：“給它自由；你必須給它自由！”

But he thought: I can't risk it, she is mine, can't give her a chance not to belong to me, can't let her think she doesn't need me, she must need me. Oh God, I have to have her.

但是他想：我不能冒這個險，她是我的；我決不能放手，決不能讓她不屬於我，決不能讓她以爲她不需要我；她一定需要我。哦，上帝，我必須得到她！

But her apartment was empty. Somehow in the hours overnight, she had packed - by herself -and moved by herself. The rooms were now impersonal; their cold stillness could not respond when he fell to the floor and sobbed.

然而她的公寓空空如也。她一定是在頭天夜裏花了幾個小時打好行裝——自己動手——獨自離去。此刻，房間裏不再有任何生命的氣息。他倒地啜泣，回答他的只有一片陰冷的寂靜。

By the middle of August he had heard nothing from Amy. He went often to the park but avoided looking for the white bird.

到了8月中旬，他依然沒收到艾米的任何消息。他時常去公園，但總是小心翼翼地不去尋找那隻小白鳥。

September came and had almost gone before he finally received a letter. The handwriting was without question hers. The postmark was that of a city many miles distant. He tore open the envelope and at first thought it was empty. Then he noticed a single white feather had fallen from it. In his mind, the white bird rose in flight and its wings let fly one feather. Were it not for the feather, no one would have known that the white bird had ever been. Thus he knew Amy would not be back, and it was many hours before he let the feather drop out of his hand.

9月不覺來臨，又即將悄然逝去，他終於收到了另一封熟悉的來信。無疑是她的筆跡。郵戳標明寄自另一個遙遠的城市。他撕開信封，最初還以爲裏面空無一物，隨後才發現有一根從信封中飄落的潔白羽毛。他的腦海裏幻化出那隻小白鳥，它振翅飛翔，一片羽毛從它的翅上抖落。倘若不是鳥兒在離去時留下這片羽毛爲證，有誰會知道小白鳥曾經來過？他幡然醒悟：艾米再也不會回來了。不知過了多久，他才讓那根羽毛從手中悄然滑落。