無奈:中國瘋狂的禮尚往來

Corruption in China just isn’t what it used to be. Austerity is breaking out all over. So as China’s politicians meet this week in Beijing for a session of their make-believe parliament, spare a thought for all those who would normally turn up to attempt to bribe them. Their job, too, just isn’t what it used to be.

在中國，腐敗形勢今非昔比，到處都在奉行節儉。因此，兩週前中國的人大代表們聚集在北京、像模像樣地參加人大會議時，讓我們勻一點心思給所有那些以往通常會現身、試圖行賄的人們。他們的工作也與以往有所不同。

A few months ago, nothing was simpler than finding out online how to bribe a government official. There were even special websites offering tips on gifting for influence – for those too squeamish for the bag-of-cash school of corruption.

幾個月前，在網上查找賄賂一名政府官員的方法是一件再簡單不過的事。甚至有專門的網站爲人們支招，指導人們如何給那些不敢收現金的官員送禮。

But then Xi Jinping, the soon-to-be-confirmed president, announced a campaign to attack the “tigers and flies” who feed off sleaze: government officials, low and high, whose greed, he said, threatens the very future of the Communist party.

但隨後，習近平宣佈，要向那些通過腐敗自肥的“老虎和蒼蠅”發動一場戰役。習說，這些政府官員（不論級別高低）的貪婪，威脅着中共的未來。

And, lucky authoritarian that he is, the sounds of compliance were loud and immediate: lunar new year was all but called off this year, with government departments and state-owned companies pulling the plug on the seasonal banquet that is normally the high point of the work year. Rectitude such as that tends to have a fairly short shelf life in China. But for the moment, the nation is united behind the pretence that things have changed in the world of gifting.

作爲一個幸運的威權人物，習的呼籲得到了即時而熱烈的響應：政府部門和國企取消了農曆年底的宴請活動（這種活動通常是一年的高潮），令春節的味道大打折扣。在中國，這種正直風氣的保質期通常相當短。不過就目前而言，中國正團結一致，假裝送禮之風已剎住。

So now websites are offering thoughts on how to win friends and influence leaders, without the use of a debit card. (Kingdom of Gifts) offers lots of dos and don’ts. First, don’t approach your target at the office. “You must go to the leader’s home to give the hongbao [a red envelope that traditionally signifies a present of cash in Chinese culture]. If you don’t know where he lives, you can ask your colleagues,” the site advised last month in response to a question from a user about how best to oil the wheels of business in the midst of a corruption crackdown.

因此，如今的網站紛紛爲用戶出謀劃策，指導他們如何不用借記卡來打通關係或求領導辦事。禮物國網站()就提供了許多高招和注意事項。上個月，一名用戶問到，在反腐風頭正勁時打點關係、促進生意的最佳辦法是什麼？該網站小編給出了以下建議：首先，不要去辦公室找送禮對象。“因此我們給領導送紅包要去他的家裏，如果你不知道他家在哪，可以通過其他的同事打聽到的”。

“Wait near his home until you see him walking upstairs. Tell him you were just passing by, happened to see him walking upstairs and ask him if it’s convenient to have a chat,” the agony aunt of present-giving goes on, advising that the giver should make up something – anything – to avoid directly mentioning what he wants.

網站小編建議：“最好在他家的附近等着，當他上樓了之後再給領導打電話，就說剛纔路過這地方，看到你剛剛上樓了，想過去坐坐。”小編還建議，送禮者應該編些理由——隨便什麼理由——以避免直接說明來意。

“You’d better come up with something else – for example, you missed the birthday of his family member and this is a late birthday gift, or you know his relative just got married and this is a late wedding gift, etc,” the site continues.

網站小編接着建議說：“最好想一些其他的理由，比如說他的家人的生日不來得及買禮物，這個就當是補上的生日禮物了，或者他的親戚結婚了，你說當時不知道沒去慶賀，這個也算是晚到的祝福。”

“Generally,” it concludes coyly, “he will know what you mean.”

網站小編隱諱地總結道：“一般領導能看出你是什麼意思的。”

Want to “avoid the obvious stink of money”? Try a petrol gift card, the site suggests. The target might refuse cash but a gift card for fuel – what harm can there be in that?

想避免“太銅臭味”？該網站建議，可以試試送加油卡。領導可能會拒收現金，但是收加油卡有什麼關係呢？

Even teachers and doctors have to beat off the gift-giving hordes. They may recognise that accepting a Chanel handbag from a parent is not exactly kosher; but they are often a bit hazier about the propriety of common practices as giving teachers supermarket gift cards or topping up the minutes on their mobile phones.

就連老師和醫生也有圍着送禮的人羣需要趕走。老師們也許能夠意識到，接受家長贈送的香奈兒(Chanel)手袋不太合適，但對於向教師贈送超市購物卡或者爲他們的手機充值這類常見行爲，他們的態度往往比較模棱兩可。

For those who fail to see much difference between cash in the form of a plastic gift card and the kind with Mao Zedong’s face printed on it, there are always gym or spa memberships. Treadmills and foot rubs are more discreet offerings than, say, a BMW but less than some other alternatives popular in the Xi Jinping era: porcelain and jade, American ginseng and sea cucumber, and local specialities such as Shaanxi green tea or Shangluo walnuts that are hard to price but easy to value.

對那些認爲送卡和送現金無甚區別的人而言，健身卡或水療中心的會員卡總是可以送的。比起開別人送的寶馬(BMW)——打個比方，用別人贈送的會員卡去健身房跑步、去水療中心做足底按摩的確沒那麼顯眼。不過，在習時代，有一些更隱蔽的禮品頗受歡迎：瓷器、玉器、西洋參、海蔘和一些土特產，比如陝西綠茶、商洛核桃之類的土特產。這些禮品很難定價，但是人們都知道它們價值不菲。

And if in doubt, there is always Chinese art. Given the gyrations in the mainland art market in the past few years, tigers and flies should have no trouble passing off their ill-gotten art collections as worthless. One user of the country’s favourite microblog, Sina Weibo, explains how that scam works. The official drops a hint about liking a particular painting; the would-be bribe-payer buys the artwork, discovering to his amazement that the price is several times its actual value; and everyone ends up with what they want in the end. Except Mr Xi.

如果對以上這些方式還有懷疑，那麼總還有中國藝術品可以選擇。由於中國內地藝術品市場在過去幾年裏呈現出來的週期性特點，“老虎和蒼蠅們”應該不難將那些來路不正的藝術收藏品僞裝爲一文不值的藏品。在中國最受歡迎的微博平臺新浪微博(Sina Weibo)上，一名微博用戶解釋了這種賄賂方式的門道：官員暗示自己喜歡某幅字畫，有意行賄者去買這幅字畫，同時驚訝地發現這幅字畫的價格是其實際價值的好幾倍；最終每個人都得到了自己想要的東西——除了習近平。

But of course, inflating artwork invoices or investing in truckloads of sea cucumber are much harder work than whipping out that debit card. Delegates to this week’s political meetings used to be able to count on liquor, cigarettes and luxury goods delivered right to their hotel rooms. This year, the word from the political front is that the gifts and even the red carpets are gone. Watch out for a boom in gym memberships, though: maybe in the new China barbells will be the new banknotes.

不過，擡高藝術品價格或者投資購買大量海蔘，當然比迅速送出借記卡要困難地多。過去，肯定有各種菸酒和奢侈品被直接送到兩會代表們的房間裏。但今年，據會場傳來的說法，不僅禮品無影無蹤，甚至連紅地毯都不見了。不過，留點神，健身卡可能會銷量大增：也許在新時代的中國，啞鈴將成爲新的硬通貨。